2-20-08
Kapusta…
So… my daughter just came in to my room, lay down across the bed, let it rip, and then blamed it on Cabbage, crying she was laughing so hard and saying, “Mama Kapusta!” How nice.
Ok so today was a much better day in our world.
2-21… and that was as far as I got… yesterday we all got up and got dressed. Did a short lesson on – The door is open. The door is closed. Knock and wait when the door is closed. This lesson was inspired by our son almost getting an eyeful when I was trying to take 2 minutes to get dressed. Silly me thinking a closed door would mean anything! LOL. It hasn’t any time I have tried to go to the bathroom, why should the bedroom door be different?
We headed up to the place their refugee pictures were taken, again, silly me, thinking that they might be there earlier than the promised time at 2 pm since the photo lab is in house. The lady told me to come back at 2. This meant that my hopes of nabbing photos and bloging and skipping the pizza house and going home for lunch were dashed. There were two very happy campers that the pizza house was added to our agenda!
I bloged, the kids colored and played games on Anna’s cell phone (lovely conversation later on yesterday about the fact that her cell will not work in America and she would get to use the home phone) and then just as I was trying to look on Google earth to see if I could show the kids our house (which by the way we were SOOO CLOSE to being able to do) when the power shut down and my battery died. UGH. Better luck next time. My plans dashed again, we had to leave and do Pizza before the picture pick up! (Never fear, there were snacks along the way, I am not letting them starve, and breakfast was late anyway) We went into the Pizza House and Max and Anna ordered their usual. Max gets a “Millennium” which is the equivalent to a supreme pizza and Anna and I get “Margaritas” which I know you think is funny but is basically tomato and cheese. Geeze you guys… come on!
We have been working on our table manners (not that you can tell yet), especially for moments like yesterday when we are out in public. Having not eaten with a fork much before (the kids at Anna’s orphanage only use spoons they are afraid the kids will do something or get agitated and hurt someone with them) they are adapting to using all utensils. They know what they do but just are not as comfortable with them as they are with just a spoon. Also, being from an orphanage, when someone puts the meal on the table, you eat it. You eat it fast. If there is extra and you are not done with what is in your bowl, you have no reason to get more, and no recourse if said extras are gone before you are done. Max could hands down win any anything eating contest. Hot cheese was not the least bit daunting for him at the Pizza House. I can’t believe he still has the roof of his mouth.
Having had this conversation before, and for several days now, he knows it is coming. He was waiting. Mouth LOADED with pizza, cheese, ham, onion who knows what else is on that thing, hanging out of his mouth, he looks at me in the middle of “business lunch” hour (meaning all these folks are around watching the American with the two kids who are not exactly using their best manners and shaking their soda bottles when they are not being used to try to whack each other on the head or hand just for fun… and Mother you can stop laughing now, you will pee your pants) Max looks at me. I give him the “Dude, you know that we have talked about this before look, and tell him, “chew slowly please, take small bites” (I have the Russian phrases for Children book no I did not expect him to get that in English). My kid, ROFL, proceeds to look at me and just when I think he is going to spit out said two slices of pizza worth of cheese etc, he gets the biggest “ha ha, stinks to be you Mom, it ain’t happenin” look on his adorable face I have ever seen. He knows he has me and I burst into a huge grin. Anna is cracking up. He gobbles down the molten lava rears back in his chare and says, “sank you vedy much ahhhh!” Score for the short stack.
We leave the pizza house, God reminding me, it doesn’t matter one bit what anyone thinks about my tomato covered kids with their foreign speaking Mother, and head to get their refugee photos, and yes, they are that bad, and no, after my traumatic experience yesterday, I refuse to get them retaken, they will be a lovely conversation piece and memory of the whole ordeal for the next 10 years since that is how long passports are good for I think. Now it is after 2, the sun is lower in the sky, the wind is stronger and colder and we are walking down hill on ice (we will be walking back up that same iced hill). Max has one hand, Anna the other… and I think to myself in the frozen cold, God, this is so awesome… How long will we be in the states before they think they are too cool for me and don’t want to do this anymore? How many 12 and 13 year old kids want to hold their Mom’s hand and walk down the street? Their pictures are ready, I need to exchange money so I duck into a money changing space, and of course I think I am safe because it is suppose to just have stuff for babies. Hummm nope. Electronics on one side, baby and kid stuff on the other… Crud. They know I now have money and the begging begins. I felt like I was on skies as Max is trying to drag me on the ice back toward the store, “Mama Phone! Mama Phone… Please, Mom pezhalsta!” in the sing song whine that is universal. I finally stop saying anything at all which is apparently equally as annoying as my saying no, and nyet, and No sir, and any other language including sign that I can think of to say “ain’t gonna do it man” while trying to keep Anna at bay about a hair brush which she has one of her own and has stopped using it in favor of mine. In short, they were killin me. I opt for giggles alternated by silence and a few things in English that would have made any Mom proud not that any one but the pigeons were listening to me.
Eventually we made it home with our dignity, the photo’s, two packs of chewing gum, and some éclairs that were calling us from the street. Hey, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make at that time. Kind of like a substitute for Dr. Pepper and fries at Wendy’s drive thru right? J
Mom called. Papa Called. Patricia Knipher called… Life was good. We all got to sleep at a reasonable hour and we started today on a good note. Valerie Hall was our wake up call which was a lovely treat! Love to the whole Hall crew and those living with you too! Then we got started on cleaning the apartment.
While I was doing laundry Anna was using some window cleaner on the mirrors around here and Max was supposed to be listening to “Musica” and playing a game. Hum… I am ringing out clothes and I notice that is quiet. There is no “musica” playing… which is not a good sign… I walk into the living area and find our son, chewing on a wire like a rat, with all of the electronic equipment out of their spots and the TV which I do not want to talk about how much it weighs sitting on the glass top coffee table. OMG. “Mom Mom, it’s ok” He proceeds to explain through Russian charades that the sound was not good so he is going to fix it for me. This is a really sweet gesture except that a. the sound was not that bad in my girly opinion, and b. it ain’t our apartment or stuff to rewire. I am here to tell you that in the back of my head I kept hearing our translator say, “you have to learn to trust your kids.” Mind you she was saying this to me when she was watching the horror on my face as they were shaking up Coke bottles at the Pizza House one day and nearly spraying us and at least a dozen people down with them as they tempted fate to open them. Max is looking at my face and my choice was to be an encouragement. After all, I certainly wasn’t going to be able to rewire what he had undone. Better to let him finish his project right? A quick call to Lori in Kiev (we kind of decided to bypass explaining the conundrum to Papa and went right to Aunt Lori for help) to explain that this is not our place and everything has to go back to the way it was exactly… and I waited out Max’s electrical experiment.
An hour and a half later, and any nails either of us had left, he did. And, if he did say so himself, which he did, by calling himself, “Maximoo the Champion” ROFL… OMG!!! He did in fact not only fix it, but it did sound better. I will not think about the fact that I watched him chew through the wires, and was in a constant state of fear that he would electrocute himself. I will not discuss the fact that there are two wires “left over” which he shrugged off and stuffed at the back of the cabinet dusting his hands off to say, “I fixed it, so who needs it really?” He has a future in all things mechanical. And maniacal I think too!
He is no so great about wanting to do anything I ask that has to do with a bath, or something that is not his personal plan. Like if I tell him, no, you can’t use the camera, or cell phone to play a game because in fact we are going to eat now, or do a game together, or color… He is a charmer. He does know how to use it, and you folks have all been duly warned. If you think any of the other kids at church can turn it on… just you wait. He even does the bat your eyes thing. I just roll mine at him now. It is going to take a good bit of time with all of them to teach them that they can be themselves and they will be loved with out the added eyelashes and hugs. Not that I mind them! It is just hard when you say no and you get the tantrum that follows to think that he really does love you too, and it is not just for your “Mama computer. Mama phone. Mama eat. Mama ball. Mama Musica” I told him today I am just plain Mama… it didn’t translate. I think the rest of you feel me on this.
It does bring up a good point and that is, to support us when we get home, it will be really important not to undermine us with them by giving them things “when we are not looking” like candy and gum and trying to endear yourselves to them. Honestly what is happening is they are playing you, and you are communicating that you are weak and will give in, not that you are nice and you want to be their friend. Max is the poster child for giving what is called, “indiscriminant affection.” His goal is not to hurt your feelings, but to get what he wants when he wants it at any cost including your feelings if you do “make the mistake” of telling him “no” to something he has decided he “will” have he will pitch a hissy not because he is “bad” but because he has learned what works to wear people down and get his perceived needs met. Over time, he will learn that he is valued for who he is, and that he can have, with boundaries, what he needs and even some of the things he wants. For now, please help us with the kids, by making sure that we are cool with giving them the things they are asking you (begging you) for. They have to learn to trust us to meet their needs and sometimes that means telling them no because what they perceive is a need, is really a want that can wait or that they may not get at all. For example, Coke will be a firm “no” from us because we have learned that coke is a sure fire dose of speed for all of them. Sprite is doable, but water and juice and mildly sweetened tea are favorable.
How did I manage to get this much time to write? I have a confession… I started bed time early tonight, and I did something awful. I put in a DVD of Roswell. Anna is officially hooked on the teenage alien soap opera that we admittedly own all three seasons of, and watch once a year all the way through usually in the summer. We skipped this summer hopeful that we would get our adoption date and could bring a few discs with us. They made it through two episodes and then crashed. “Slavah Bog” “Praise God” And with that dear people I too am crashing so that I will be able to make it through whatever tomorrow holds ~ which is hopefully the final court decree saying Anastasia Elizabeth and Maxim Gregory are officially Smiths.
Lovin from this side of the pond…
Mama, Anna and “Maximoo” the champion electrician!
Give me a kiss to build a dream on…. Louie Armstrong…
Ok.. I have a confession, yes another one… I brought the sound track to Sleepless in Seattle with me. I love that movie. Have since college. I hope that today we get to blog later that things are going swimmingly and that we are going to be out of here soon. We should hear something in a couple of hours from Nina. She went out to talk to the judge today. She was suppose to talk to her at 9. I got a call from Yana and she said that once she gets whatever papers she needs then we will start to go and get the vital records stuff going. I am not exactly sure what is happening. I just know that God is good and that He can do anything. I am amazed.
My honey is sick. I feel so bad for him. I know he is having a hard time with the idea of being solo with all the mess going on with John’s papers. I hate that they keep hitting walls. Please pray with us about this. I will not go quietly on this. We really need to get something from the oblast that says that his Mom died. She died a homeless woman and so therefore there is no record of her death apparently. John is discouraged and Kevin in all his wisdom has not helped that at all. I know that it is hard for them that I am here. They feel separated and like they are second best… I want them to know that we are a family and we are all going to be ok and together. I am trying to adjust to the fact that every day that we are not paper ready in Kiev that is another 10 days for us all to be here. Mama is trying to be good, and confesses that it is hard to feel like I want to be here much longer. I keep thinking that it will be easier once we are all in the 10 day wait up there. At least we will be together you know? The longer this lasts with the paper problems in Kiev the more likely that it is that I will be here with the kids for a while solo. I am cool with that. I really am. I want Mark to get home and get back to our Kids stateside.
We miss you all so much. I want you each to know that it has been hard for Mr. Mark and I to be away from you. We have been having a hard time with the idea of being gone so long. We miss you. We think about you all the time and we are thankful for your being so good about us being gone. We know that it has been a blessing for you to have Mr. Terry and Ms. Chelle with you and that you have been really good for them. I am thinking of them as I am listening to “Back in the Saddle Again” and thinking that we can’t wait to get back in the saddle again too. We are very aware that your lives are moving forward. Each of you has so much to tell us from Monday to Wednesday to Sunday, it is hard for us to feel like we are missing out on what is happening with you. I am so thankful when I sign in on email and I get a short message from you that tells me what is going on. I am glad to hear from you and even if I can’t send an email back right away I am thankful that you know that I get them and I am praying for you. I miss doing Power House with you guys! I miss you asking Rolly Pohlee if they want their “Happy Dogs” and watching them Pohlee “scoot his butt” when we all know that it is not appropriate, especially during prayer time! LOL. I miss Rolly pawing each of you and then making you laugh when he sniffs you hello! You know what I mean! You guys are their kids too J I miss getting to laugh with each of you and cry with you too. Your hearts are so precious to us and we know that you have waited with us a long time for these 3 brothers and sister to come home and be a part of our Youth Family. I want you to know that your prayers have been answered. The kids are awesome. You will love them. You will fight with them. You will think they are funny and you will think they are weirdos all at the same time. Trust me, I think the same thing. J Some things these kids do, you know I would give you a whoopin for. By the way I taught Max how to say “whoopin” but it comes out “Voupin” Which of course, he has not gotten one, but I love to tell him he is going to get one, which he thinks is hysterical. He mocks me and says, “Voupin, Mama, Mama Voupin!” and acts like he is going to smack his own behind. The first time he does this you guys will laugh your socks off. He is a total clown. Kevin is a lot the same. He is a happy guy for the most part. He has a good smile. He wants to do the right things. He will be one that you guys can really help share in fun stuff with and do a lot of sports. He loves soccer. Anna is going to be a little shy at first, same with John. They want friends but they just need some time to warm up you know? Like they don’t want to be stalked at Walmart and asked to go to camp right Emma? LOL. I am so proud of you guys for all your hard work at the Sweet hearts banquet. I heard that you all worked hard and that Caleb spoke and did the devotional! WOW!!! Awesome Man! Tricia I heard about your Karate Banquet. J I hope you guys took pictures! Shelby is keeping me informed about the goings on! Guys it won’t be too long before we get this group all together and we can learn to be a family with all of you. Things are going to change, but not so much that we won’t be able to all learn and get along.
We love each of you. Please keep holding on this adventure seems like it is never ending. In a way your parents can explain to you that it is never ending. The good kind.
Feb. 23.
Whelp… we will not get our short stay here. Our official paper will not be given to us until 2/29. I confess, that was hard to hear when we thought that we would get the papers yesterday. Topping it off, it was dreary here, like more than normal. I finally just kind of lost it when Mom called. Just for a second because I can’t really get upset in front of the kids because that upsets them. Especially that I can’t explain what it is that is going on in my head. So you suck it up and keep rolling. You fix grilled cheese sandwiches and get happy because a. you were able to do it for your kids, and b. it is the first time they have had it and they dig it.
As it stands, for those of you who are trying to guess when we will get back with the kids, when you see that we get our court date, you can add about 15 days to that (hopefully less but you never know) and that is likely my touch down date. At this point, we have not even gotten our papers submitted in Kiev because of the issue about John’s Mom’s death certificate. It is really hard for me in some ways because to be honest, about a week ago I was ready to get home. The fact that the kids are really missing their Papa, and so am I, and they are stuck in this really funky in between space is hard for them and for us. They are ready to go. They talk about going to America. Yesterday Anna practiced signing her new name for a long time in English letters so that she can sign for her passport. Max as well. They can both write really well with their English letters. They can read them. Like ex: if I were to write out a sentence they can totally sound out each word, but then after they read it they have a blank look because they do not know what the words mean. They can make the right sounds but have no idea what those sounds strung together mean. It is like me reading Spanish. I can likely do it, but not really get it.
So the kids are talking to their sister and her boyfriend and they are going on about all the things they did yesterday which is cool. Sara Groves and I are trying to find out “How can I tell this story again?” Daily I am trying to do so. Daily I feel like I succeed and then fail all at once. It was Max’s turn last night to press up to the edge and go over. He is like a bull dog with a dirty sock when he decides he wants something. He thinks the more times he asks for it, and I mean like a 4 year old, pestering the fool out of you, that you will eventually crack and give it to him. Being as I might be a little hard headed myself (I know you are all shocked… who, you Jenn? No…not you I can hear you all saying) this makes for a very entertaining dialog of Mama please, Mama ______ (insert camera, video, computer, music, candy, etc here… ) and Mama saying, No Max not now later or tomorrow. After a full day of this yesterday it was finally time for him to take his bath. He decided to let me know how he felt about that by telling me no Mom. It would have been ok, except that he followed that with a really snotty move that sort of chapped my hide. It was um, not fit for description here on the blog. Let’s just say under normal circumstances it would have most surely called for a “voupin.” Being as how these circumstances, like most in my life, are not exactly normal, there was no Voupin but the battle of wills was surely on. It is that kind of stuff that when you know you have clear communication is hard, but when you are earning trust, and working to build relationship makes it really tough. If Papa is around then it is not as big of a struggle. The no is still there but the fight is not nearly the same. Time and love, love and time.
My time is short now so big lovin to all of you and just please know that no matter how hard it is, I am loving that I am a Mom. Nothing changes the feeling that I get when they give me a kiss, when they come ask me a question about when we are going to America and when we are going to be with Papa. They are daily becoming more ours, and daily I am thankful that God would allow me the honor of being a Mama.
Learning about relationship in Ukraine,
Jenn
Feb 24.
Max is hyper today. Not that Mark is not always hyper, but he is especially wired today because we are going to see his brother, sister and her boyfriend, for lunch. I on the other hand am not hyper. Something is going on in Kiev and I am not sure what. The kids told me that something happened and John isn’t allowed to go and visit with Mark today. He is working on getting to the bottom of that.
My sleep last night was pretty icky. I was not really a good rester. J I’m sure that had something to do with the fact that it was a Saturday night in UA and there was a LOT of activity outside of our apartment. I am sure I have failed to mention that it is located over the top of a casino, and a motorcycle bike shop. Needless to say we are never at a lack for um, interesting, characters around here. Ya’ll, I am so ready to be back in Kiev (can you believe I just wrote that…) I want this leg behind me. Yesterday Anna and Max asked at least a dozen times when we would get to America. I wish I could tell them. I made a calendar on the back of a placemat from the Pizza House and we mark the days off. They know their papers will be ready on the 29th, and we are hopeful to take the train to Kiev on March 3rd or 4th.
Ok so funny Max story. Last night, he was not a good rester either. Mark, informs me that he doesn’t understand why I can’t get them to go to bed at 9 like things were when he was here. I will reserve my comments on that comment for the privacy of my own marriage, however I bet you can guess what my take on that is… LOL. Anyway, Max was not into the whole go to bed thing. So eventually in sheer frustration, I hiss at him, “HUSH!” from my room to theirs. He says in Russian, “Mama what Hush?” ie, what does this hush mean? Now I had tried, “shhhh” and “Teha” for several minutes which is the equivalent of be quiet, and you know how I feel about “shut up” for I was getting there… so I tried the Hush… well, I explained Hush by saying, “Teha, Shhhhh, HUSH!” That translated… kindof… see from the other room, he understood that I was telling him that it was time to be quiet, which frankly I am sure he understood prior to my juviniel “HUSH MAX!” out of shere frustration at 11pm, but what he HEARD was “FUSH” not “HUSH” so here was the response that I got, “Mama Fush, Papa Fush, Anna Fush, Kevin Fush, John Fush, Max, NO FUSH!” What a booger… After this dissertation however, Max did “FUSH” and Mama could hear him snoring with his sister.
Ok John and the towel… so I am sure you have gotten Papa’s version of this story, but from the Mom’s side, here is what I am feeling… KK could tell you exactly what I am feeling… I will politely say I am ticked. Apparently, someone came by and did a room check on John. They inventoried, he did not have a towel. John, not having a towel, and cleaning and empty room, saw a towel. He took it. It was not a good choice, but he needed a towel. So, the person comes back to check on his room again, and of course, now he has a towel. So, he is busted because he took a towel and did not return it to the other room. His punishment today was that he did not get to go out with Mark, and supposedly this stupid “quarantine” is keeping the kids from going anywhere. Some of the other Americans have experienced this “quarantine” before. Kevin can’t go because of the quarantine either. I am to the point of tears to be honest with you. I am here, there is nothing I can do. My sons aren’t allowed to go with their father on a day out, they haven’t been out with us since we left to come to Zap. This is over a towel that he didn’t have, and needed… He was in trouble not having one, then he took one, and was in trouble for taking it… Do you know how stupid that is? Do you know how many towels are in their bathroom at home waiting for him??? Mama is not happy. And you know what they say… Dude I would be willing to put money on which teacher is responsible for this inventory. UGH. So, it has taken me 3 hours to type this two paragraphs. These two are freaks today because of this visit. I do understand. But Max having been up since 5:30 and dressed is overkill for me. He is falling asleep even as I type because he has been in over drive since last night. Ya’ll can pray for my night.
Love you guys,
J
Monday Feb. 25th.
We left at 1 to meet Aloshia and Luda. Did we need to leave at one? No. Did Max need to be dressed at 5:30 yesterday morning? No. But they were so excited. I tried to stall them for a while but they were so mad their brother and sister were “late” when it was 1:38 they could hardly stand themselves. They wanted to give them gifts. They wanted them to eat Pizza and enjoy it like they do. What follows is hard stuff so get your Kleenex ready.
Luda, and her boyfriend Slavic, who have been with each other for a year now, arrived to meet us first. They brought a box of candy and roses for me. I was really over come with their gift because I know that it is not cheap for them to do either of these things. Aloshia and his girlfriend Alonya arrived next. There was some small talk with the kids. Slavic and Luda gave them each a stuffed toy that sings a Russian song. (Side note for Puff: this is kin to the Truck that Adam got for Christmas one year that played La Cocas Rocha
which mysteriously disappeared when I went into the bathroom and mysteriously reappeared when I came out. Funny thing being, there were no batteries in it. hummm… These toys however are stuffed and therefore I am now learning two new songs…)
We went into the Pizza House. In Ukraine, there are not places to go “out to eat” for large groups. It is not like when we say we have a party of 12 or more and make reservations. So here we are 8 of us trying to get a place together. Finally a table opened up and we sat down. The prices on the menu gave them sticker shock. Let me explain to you that 8 of us ate. There were 5 individual pizzas, sodas, coffees, espressos, 4 salads, and two of these potato pie things for $54.00. That is not cheap by American Standards, but by Ukrainian standards when you make $100 a month it is extravagant. It would be like someone saying to me, Mark and Jenn we would like to take you to Ruth’s Chris in Jacksonville or something. I’ve never been there. I hear it is nice. Point being, in some ways this lunch date took on a whole new focus when we got in to sit down. I got schooled, and getting schooled in any language is not easy, in Russian, when it sounds like you are being cussed at when some one says hello, how are you, the weather is ok today, being schooled is really hard on the ears.
Aloshia is a hard guy. For 27, he has lived a full and difficult life. After we ate most of lunch, after there had been a lot of things said some of which were explained to me, some of which weren’t, he said that he wanted to tell me some things about his family. I was ready to listen. I asked if the children should go else where and take a walk with Luda, but he said there are no secrets and so he began.
Before Ukraine got it’s independence from Russia, there were communal farms here. The kids parents were farmers. Their dad was a tractor worker, and their mother a dairy maid. Life was ok, but when it got to be that they got their independence, there was a fall out economically. Life got harder. Their Mom got pregnant with Anna and so she could not work any more at the farm. Life got harder. Their Dad began to drink. He drank so much that he demanded that his wife drink with him. He did not want to drink alone. If she refused, he was “persuasive” until she gave into his demands. She learned to give in quickly and spare herself the persuasion. They drank heavily. They didn’t make enough money to really do more than keep a little on the table and then support their habit. One year after Anna was born there was a little brother born.
Aloshia left and joined the army. By the time he came back his Dad was dead. His mother was sick, and could not work. He took on the roll at 20 of being provider for the family. By 21 his Mother was dead, and he was now responsible for the two small children and his sister moved out. He tried to get help from his Uncles, they were both Alcoholics. One of which is also dead now. No one was able to really help him, no one could advise him. He just hurt trying to do every thing he could. Anna was the cook. And he said Max could do anything but he berated him a lot at the table causing him to cry as he talked about his character in a not so pleasant light. I was left wishing that he would stop, and knowing that eventually I would be helping to pick up the pieces of his heart because he looks up to his brother in so many ways.
The village elders came to Aloshia. They had a counsel. They explained to him that he would not be able to take care of the house and the kids. They told him if he wanted to keep things going, the best thing to do was to give the children to the orphanage. He talked to the kids, and he was responsible to take them and commit them to the orphanage. It was really hard for him. You could see his face was wounded as he talked. He is angry. He is bitter. While he loves his sister and brother and wants only the best for them, you can see he is also jealous of their new opportunities. He is desperate, like the rest of the people here, to make a new start, to break out of this deprivation and to have all the things they see that are in the West. They are all crying as Yana put it “from their souls” to have more and get out. According to them, the cost of an application for a visa to visit the US is $100. If you get an appointment, IF, then you go and you have this interview. IF you get granted a visa then it is another $800 in order to pay for it. It is not an easy thing to “Save up” in order to travel outside of Ukraine. Again, consider, the average cost wage for a month here is $100.00.
This was a really hard conversation for him. We all cried. We all grieved their loss. He is wanting to get married to Alonya this summer. They have a six month old baby girl together. They are trying to make sure that that will happen. He wants to do things right. I asked may I ask you a personal question, “He said yes, you can ask and no I do not drink” he knew before I asked what the question was. He knows that alcoholism is ugly and he has seen the devastation of it. He wants more. I am asking that as I have tried and get one more chance face to face before we leave for Kiev to do so, please let God open the door to share, and please let my translator do so for me. She is not one to let me talk about God to anyone. When we were at the orphanage, I was asked to speak on Valentines Day. I spoke the name of Jesus and she would not translate for me. She is a nice person. Very sweet. But she does not share what I say exactly when it comes to anything having to do with Christ. She shakes her head at me and says “you cannot.” You know that frustrates me. Finally yesterday as Aloshia was so angry as he was speaking, and I was asking what is he saying, she was trying to protect me from his bitterness, I told her, tell me what he is saying exactly and when I speak to him, you tell him what I am saying EXACTLY. My firmness at that point registered and she was willing for a short time to tell him that he has to keep trying and that he can’t give up. That God can help. I have more to say. I have more I want him to know. I need help. I need someone to tell him. I want to be that someone but if I am not, so be it, but pray that someone will and will do so with out being hindered. This boy is as much a victim of his circumstances as any other orphan, and God loves him just as much as one who is Fatherless and young.
I have been invited, with a huge chip on his shoulder, to come to the village and see the house they were all born in. To come and see what it is like for them there. Next Sunday, I will go with the children, back to their village, back to their house. I think in some ways he wants me to see because he wants me to know. In some ways it feels, and please try not to be offended by the way I put this, he wants to rub my nose in it. He was very clear that he wants me to understand what their life is and has been like, he was very clear that I will not be used to such circumstances. So he thinks. I told him finally (kind of sick at his very pointed frustration) that unless his house was built on stilts, and he has had to put his long hair on top of his head at night so that it doesn’t fall through the cracks for the pigs to chew on, I didn’t think his place was all that bad. We talked about my time in the Philippines. I he wanted to know what I did there, I told the translator I would tell him if she would say EXACTLY what I said. I explained that I lived with the people. I stayed in their homes. That if you do not live in someone’s home with them, you can’t understand their lives and their hearts, so I lived with the people, I taught English and about Jesus. He was not impressed but he was not as resolute to be angry either. He was listening. I am trying to earn the respect from him that I need to tell him about Christ. Pray that God will grant this. We go next Sunday at Noon.
In some ways, I have by sharing this, shared wounds that belong to our children, and that is really open. I want to be open because I think there is a lot to learn from this. I need to be open because it is important that I communicate clearly what prayer needs are called for in this situation. Now as a Mom, I am going to make it clear that no one besides Mark and I have the right to ask them anything about their past unless they bring it up first, and I highly doubt that they will. I will also make it implicitly clear that if some one does say anything to them with out our permission, or theirs, as their Mother, I will have something to say about it. Their hearts are so tender. They need time to heal and be protected and Mark and I intend to give them that time and tenderness.
John has a new sim card so he is able to call here and talk to the kids for free. The kids use my phone to call he and Kevin and they are enjoying learning about each other. They want to get all together. They keep asking when we will get to Kiev. They are very hyped about coming to America, and they are excited about their new lives there. We are excited to give that to them by His grace. Daily there is a countdown. Daily there are questions about how to make it go faster. Daily I wish I could. Reality is, it will be at least this Weds or Friday before we have a prayer to get our papers turned in again. Reality is, that once that happens until we get a court date we have that time plus 15 days before we go home. It is a long deal. While I am thankful some of you are going to be here in March and get to see your kids, as much as it would be nice to see you, it would be nice not too also! J If by the 8th of March we have not had court, which does not look likely, then we will probably run into you at some point.
I love you guys. I miss you a lot. I am so thankful that you are on our journey with us. So thankful that you pray for us, so thankful that you call too, English adult conversation is nice. Not the kids are really into letting me have it, but hey, any attempt is great. LOL. Thank you also for your emails. I enjoy catching up when I can. I am leaving now for the hotel and will try to upload this post. Sorry for the length. I wish I could do it daily. Trust me! LOL.
Power House kids, please pray for us that we get John’s documents tomorrow Tuesday, and that we get our papers turned in on Weds. or Friday to the court in Kiev. Thank you for your love and diligence in prayers!
Love,
Jenn
Kapusta…
So… my daughter just came in to my room, lay down across the bed, let it rip, and then blamed it on Cabbage, crying she was laughing so hard and saying, “Mama Kapusta!” How nice.
Ok so today was a much better day in our world.
2-21… and that was as far as I got… yesterday we all got up and got dressed. Did a short lesson on – The door is open. The door is closed. Knock and wait when the door is closed. This lesson was inspired by our son almost getting an eyeful when I was trying to take 2 minutes to get dressed. Silly me thinking a closed door would mean anything! LOL. It hasn’t any time I have tried to go to the bathroom, why should the bedroom door be different?
We headed up to the place their refugee pictures were taken, again, silly me, thinking that they might be there earlier than the promised time at 2 pm since the photo lab is in house. The lady told me to come back at 2. This meant that my hopes of nabbing photos and bloging and skipping the pizza house and going home for lunch were dashed. There were two very happy campers that the pizza house was added to our agenda!
I bloged, the kids colored and played games on Anna’s cell phone (lovely conversation later on yesterday about the fact that her cell will not work in America and she would get to use the home phone) and then just as I was trying to look on Google earth to see if I could show the kids our house (which by the way we were SOOO CLOSE to being able to do) when the power shut down and my battery died. UGH. Better luck next time. My plans dashed again, we had to leave and do Pizza before the picture pick up! (Never fear, there were snacks along the way, I am not letting them starve, and breakfast was late anyway) We went into the Pizza House and Max and Anna ordered their usual. Max gets a “Millennium” which is the equivalent to a supreme pizza and Anna and I get “Margaritas” which I know you think is funny but is basically tomato and cheese. Geeze you guys… come on!
We have been working on our table manners (not that you can tell yet), especially for moments like yesterday when we are out in public. Having not eaten with a fork much before (the kids at Anna’s orphanage only use spoons they are afraid the kids will do something or get agitated and hurt someone with them) they are adapting to using all utensils. They know what they do but just are not as comfortable with them as they are with just a spoon. Also, being from an orphanage, when someone puts the meal on the table, you eat it. You eat it fast. If there is extra and you are not done with what is in your bowl, you have no reason to get more, and no recourse if said extras are gone before you are done. Max could hands down win any anything eating contest. Hot cheese was not the least bit daunting for him at the Pizza House. I can’t believe he still has the roof of his mouth.
Having had this conversation before, and for several days now, he knows it is coming. He was waiting. Mouth LOADED with pizza, cheese, ham, onion who knows what else is on that thing, hanging out of his mouth, he looks at me in the middle of “business lunch” hour (meaning all these folks are around watching the American with the two kids who are not exactly using their best manners and shaking their soda bottles when they are not being used to try to whack each other on the head or hand just for fun… and Mother you can stop laughing now, you will pee your pants) Max looks at me. I give him the “Dude, you know that we have talked about this before look, and tell him, “chew slowly please, take small bites” (I have the Russian phrases for Children book no I did not expect him to get that in English). My kid, ROFL, proceeds to look at me and just when I think he is going to spit out said two slices of pizza worth of cheese etc, he gets the biggest “ha ha, stinks to be you Mom, it ain’t happenin” look on his adorable face I have ever seen. He knows he has me and I burst into a huge grin. Anna is cracking up. He gobbles down the molten lava rears back in his chare and says, “sank you vedy much ahhhh!” Score for the short stack.
We leave the pizza house, God reminding me, it doesn’t matter one bit what anyone thinks about my tomato covered kids with their foreign speaking Mother, and head to get their refugee photos, and yes, they are that bad, and no, after my traumatic experience yesterday, I refuse to get them retaken, they will be a lovely conversation piece and memory of the whole ordeal for the next 10 years since that is how long passports are good for I think. Now it is after 2, the sun is lower in the sky, the wind is stronger and colder and we are walking down hill on ice (we will be walking back up that same iced hill). Max has one hand, Anna the other… and I think to myself in the frozen cold, God, this is so awesome… How long will we be in the states before they think they are too cool for me and don’t want to do this anymore? How many 12 and 13 year old kids want to hold their Mom’s hand and walk down the street? Their pictures are ready, I need to exchange money so I duck into a money changing space, and of course I think I am safe because it is suppose to just have stuff for babies. Hummm nope. Electronics on one side, baby and kid stuff on the other… Crud. They know I now have money and the begging begins. I felt like I was on skies as Max is trying to drag me on the ice back toward the store, “Mama Phone! Mama Phone… Please, Mom pezhalsta!” in the sing song whine that is universal. I finally stop saying anything at all which is apparently equally as annoying as my saying no, and nyet, and No sir, and any other language including sign that I can think of to say “ain’t gonna do it man” while trying to keep Anna at bay about a hair brush which she has one of her own and has stopped using it in favor of mine. In short, they were killin me. I opt for giggles alternated by silence and a few things in English that would have made any Mom proud not that any one but the pigeons were listening to me.
Eventually we made it home with our dignity, the photo’s, two packs of chewing gum, and some éclairs that were calling us from the street. Hey, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make at that time. Kind of like a substitute for Dr. Pepper and fries at Wendy’s drive thru right? J
Mom called. Papa Called. Patricia Knipher called… Life was good. We all got to sleep at a reasonable hour and we started today on a good note. Valerie Hall was our wake up call which was a lovely treat! Love to the whole Hall crew and those living with you too! Then we got started on cleaning the apartment.
While I was doing laundry Anna was using some window cleaner on the mirrors around here and Max was supposed to be listening to “Musica” and playing a game. Hum… I am ringing out clothes and I notice that is quiet. There is no “musica” playing… which is not a good sign… I walk into the living area and find our son, chewing on a wire like a rat, with all of the electronic equipment out of their spots and the TV which I do not want to talk about how much it weighs sitting on the glass top coffee table. OMG. “Mom Mom, it’s ok” He proceeds to explain through Russian charades that the sound was not good so he is going to fix it for me. This is a really sweet gesture except that a. the sound was not that bad in my girly opinion, and b. it ain’t our apartment or stuff to rewire. I am here to tell you that in the back of my head I kept hearing our translator say, “you have to learn to trust your kids.” Mind you she was saying this to me when she was watching the horror on my face as they were shaking up Coke bottles at the Pizza House one day and nearly spraying us and at least a dozen people down with them as they tempted fate to open them. Max is looking at my face and my choice was to be an encouragement. After all, I certainly wasn’t going to be able to rewire what he had undone. Better to let him finish his project right? A quick call to Lori in Kiev (we kind of decided to bypass explaining the conundrum to Papa and went right to Aunt Lori for help) to explain that this is not our place and everything has to go back to the way it was exactly… and I waited out Max’s electrical experiment.
An hour and a half later, and any nails either of us had left, he did. And, if he did say so himself, which he did, by calling himself, “Maximoo the Champion” ROFL… OMG!!! He did in fact not only fix it, but it did sound better. I will not think about the fact that I watched him chew through the wires, and was in a constant state of fear that he would electrocute himself. I will not discuss the fact that there are two wires “left over” which he shrugged off and stuffed at the back of the cabinet dusting his hands off to say, “I fixed it, so who needs it really?” He has a future in all things mechanical. And maniacal I think too!
He is no so great about wanting to do anything I ask that has to do with a bath, or something that is not his personal plan. Like if I tell him, no, you can’t use the camera, or cell phone to play a game because in fact we are going to eat now, or do a game together, or color… He is a charmer. He does know how to use it, and you folks have all been duly warned. If you think any of the other kids at church can turn it on… just you wait. He even does the bat your eyes thing. I just roll mine at him now. It is going to take a good bit of time with all of them to teach them that they can be themselves and they will be loved with out the added eyelashes and hugs. Not that I mind them! It is just hard when you say no and you get the tantrum that follows to think that he really does love you too, and it is not just for your “Mama computer. Mama phone. Mama eat. Mama ball. Mama Musica” I told him today I am just plain Mama… it didn’t translate. I think the rest of you feel me on this.
It does bring up a good point and that is, to support us when we get home, it will be really important not to undermine us with them by giving them things “when we are not looking” like candy and gum and trying to endear yourselves to them. Honestly what is happening is they are playing you, and you are communicating that you are weak and will give in, not that you are nice and you want to be their friend. Max is the poster child for giving what is called, “indiscriminant affection.” His goal is not to hurt your feelings, but to get what he wants when he wants it at any cost including your feelings if you do “make the mistake” of telling him “no” to something he has decided he “will” have he will pitch a hissy not because he is “bad” but because he has learned what works to wear people down and get his perceived needs met. Over time, he will learn that he is valued for who he is, and that he can have, with boundaries, what he needs and even some of the things he wants. For now, please help us with the kids, by making sure that we are cool with giving them the things they are asking you (begging you) for. They have to learn to trust us to meet their needs and sometimes that means telling them no because what they perceive is a need, is really a want that can wait or that they may not get at all. For example, Coke will be a firm “no” from us because we have learned that coke is a sure fire dose of speed for all of them. Sprite is doable, but water and juice and mildly sweetened tea are favorable.
How did I manage to get this much time to write? I have a confession… I started bed time early tonight, and I did something awful. I put in a DVD of Roswell. Anna is officially hooked on the teenage alien soap opera that we admittedly own all three seasons of, and watch once a year all the way through usually in the summer. We skipped this summer hopeful that we would get our adoption date and could bring a few discs with us. They made it through two episodes and then crashed. “Slavah Bog” “Praise God” And with that dear people I too am crashing so that I will be able to make it through whatever tomorrow holds ~ which is hopefully the final court decree saying Anastasia Elizabeth and Maxim Gregory are officially Smiths.
Lovin from this side of the pond…
Mama, Anna and “Maximoo” the champion electrician!
Give me a kiss to build a dream on…. Louie Armstrong…
Ok.. I have a confession, yes another one… I brought the sound track to Sleepless in Seattle with me. I love that movie. Have since college. I hope that today we get to blog later that things are going swimmingly and that we are going to be out of here soon. We should hear something in a couple of hours from Nina. She went out to talk to the judge today. She was suppose to talk to her at 9. I got a call from Yana and she said that once she gets whatever papers she needs then we will start to go and get the vital records stuff going. I am not exactly sure what is happening. I just know that God is good and that He can do anything. I am amazed.
My honey is sick. I feel so bad for him. I know he is having a hard time with the idea of being solo with all the mess going on with John’s papers. I hate that they keep hitting walls. Please pray with us about this. I will not go quietly on this. We really need to get something from the oblast that says that his Mom died. She died a homeless woman and so therefore there is no record of her death apparently. John is discouraged and Kevin in all his wisdom has not helped that at all. I know that it is hard for them that I am here. They feel separated and like they are second best… I want them to know that we are a family and we are all going to be ok and together. I am trying to adjust to the fact that every day that we are not paper ready in Kiev that is another 10 days for us all to be here. Mama is trying to be good, and confesses that it is hard to feel like I want to be here much longer. I keep thinking that it will be easier once we are all in the 10 day wait up there. At least we will be together you know? The longer this lasts with the paper problems in Kiev the more likely that it is that I will be here with the kids for a while solo. I am cool with that. I really am. I want Mark to get home and get back to our Kids stateside.
We miss you all so much. I want you each to know that it has been hard for Mr. Mark and I to be away from you. We have been having a hard time with the idea of being gone so long. We miss you. We think about you all the time and we are thankful for your being so good about us being gone. We know that it has been a blessing for you to have Mr. Terry and Ms. Chelle with you and that you have been really good for them. I am thinking of them as I am listening to “Back in the Saddle Again” and thinking that we can’t wait to get back in the saddle again too. We are very aware that your lives are moving forward. Each of you has so much to tell us from Monday to Wednesday to Sunday, it is hard for us to feel like we are missing out on what is happening with you. I am so thankful when I sign in on email and I get a short message from you that tells me what is going on. I am glad to hear from you and even if I can’t send an email back right away I am thankful that you know that I get them and I am praying for you. I miss doing Power House with you guys! I miss you asking Rolly Pohlee if they want their “Happy Dogs” and watching them Pohlee “scoot his butt” when we all know that it is not appropriate, especially during prayer time! LOL. I miss Rolly pawing each of you and then making you laugh when he sniffs you hello! You know what I mean! You guys are their kids too J I miss getting to laugh with each of you and cry with you too. Your hearts are so precious to us and we know that you have waited with us a long time for these 3 brothers and sister to come home and be a part of our Youth Family. I want you to know that your prayers have been answered. The kids are awesome. You will love them. You will fight with them. You will think they are funny and you will think they are weirdos all at the same time. Trust me, I think the same thing. J Some things these kids do, you know I would give you a whoopin for. By the way I taught Max how to say “whoopin” but it comes out “Voupin” Which of course, he has not gotten one, but I love to tell him he is going to get one, which he thinks is hysterical. He mocks me and says, “Voupin, Mama, Mama Voupin!” and acts like he is going to smack his own behind. The first time he does this you guys will laugh your socks off. He is a total clown. Kevin is a lot the same. He is a happy guy for the most part. He has a good smile. He wants to do the right things. He will be one that you guys can really help share in fun stuff with and do a lot of sports. He loves soccer. Anna is going to be a little shy at first, same with John. They want friends but they just need some time to warm up you know? Like they don’t want to be stalked at Walmart and asked to go to camp right Emma? LOL. I am so proud of you guys for all your hard work at the Sweet hearts banquet. I heard that you all worked hard and that Caleb spoke and did the devotional! WOW!!! Awesome Man! Tricia I heard about your Karate Banquet. J I hope you guys took pictures! Shelby is keeping me informed about the goings on! Guys it won’t be too long before we get this group all together and we can learn to be a family with all of you. Things are going to change, but not so much that we won’t be able to all learn and get along.
We love each of you. Please keep holding on this adventure seems like it is never ending. In a way your parents can explain to you that it is never ending. The good kind.
Feb. 23.
Whelp… we will not get our short stay here. Our official paper will not be given to us until 2/29. I confess, that was hard to hear when we thought that we would get the papers yesterday. Topping it off, it was dreary here, like more than normal. I finally just kind of lost it when Mom called. Just for a second because I can’t really get upset in front of the kids because that upsets them. Especially that I can’t explain what it is that is going on in my head. So you suck it up and keep rolling. You fix grilled cheese sandwiches and get happy because a. you were able to do it for your kids, and b. it is the first time they have had it and they dig it.
As it stands, for those of you who are trying to guess when we will get back with the kids, when you see that we get our court date, you can add about 15 days to that (hopefully less but you never know) and that is likely my touch down date. At this point, we have not even gotten our papers submitted in Kiev because of the issue about John’s Mom’s death certificate. It is really hard for me in some ways because to be honest, about a week ago I was ready to get home. The fact that the kids are really missing their Papa, and so am I, and they are stuck in this really funky in between space is hard for them and for us. They are ready to go. They talk about going to America. Yesterday Anna practiced signing her new name for a long time in English letters so that she can sign for her passport. Max as well. They can both write really well with their English letters. They can read them. Like ex: if I were to write out a sentence they can totally sound out each word, but then after they read it they have a blank look because they do not know what the words mean. They can make the right sounds but have no idea what those sounds strung together mean. It is like me reading Spanish. I can likely do it, but not really get it.
So the kids are talking to their sister and her boyfriend and they are going on about all the things they did yesterday which is cool. Sara Groves and I are trying to find out “How can I tell this story again?” Daily I am trying to do so. Daily I feel like I succeed and then fail all at once. It was Max’s turn last night to press up to the edge and go over. He is like a bull dog with a dirty sock when he decides he wants something. He thinks the more times he asks for it, and I mean like a 4 year old, pestering the fool out of you, that you will eventually crack and give it to him. Being as I might be a little hard headed myself (I know you are all shocked… who, you Jenn? No…not you I can hear you all saying) this makes for a very entertaining dialog of Mama please, Mama ______ (insert camera, video, computer, music, candy, etc here… ) and Mama saying, No Max not now later or tomorrow. After a full day of this yesterday it was finally time for him to take his bath. He decided to let me know how he felt about that by telling me no Mom. It would have been ok, except that he followed that with a really snotty move that sort of chapped my hide. It was um, not fit for description here on the blog. Let’s just say under normal circumstances it would have most surely called for a “voupin.” Being as how these circumstances, like most in my life, are not exactly normal, there was no Voupin but the battle of wills was surely on. It is that kind of stuff that when you know you have clear communication is hard, but when you are earning trust, and working to build relationship makes it really tough. If Papa is around then it is not as big of a struggle. The no is still there but the fight is not nearly the same. Time and love, love and time.
My time is short now so big lovin to all of you and just please know that no matter how hard it is, I am loving that I am a Mom. Nothing changes the feeling that I get when they give me a kiss, when they come ask me a question about when we are going to America and when we are going to be with Papa. They are daily becoming more ours, and daily I am thankful that God would allow me the honor of being a Mama.
Learning about relationship in Ukraine,
Jenn
Feb 24.
Max is hyper today. Not that Mark is not always hyper, but he is especially wired today because we are going to see his brother, sister and her boyfriend, for lunch. I on the other hand am not hyper. Something is going on in Kiev and I am not sure what. The kids told me that something happened and John isn’t allowed to go and visit with Mark today. He is working on getting to the bottom of that.
My sleep last night was pretty icky. I was not really a good rester. J I’m sure that had something to do with the fact that it was a Saturday night in UA and there was a LOT of activity outside of our apartment. I am sure I have failed to mention that it is located over the top of a casino, and a motorcycle bike shop. Needless to say we are never at a lack for um, interesting, characters around here. Ya’ll, I am so ready to be back in Kiev (can you believe I just wrote that…) I want this leg behind me. Yesterday Anna and Max asked at least a dozen times when we would get to America. I wish I could tell them. I made a calendar on the back of a placemat from the Pizza House and we mark the days off. They know their papers will be ready on the 29th, and we are hopeful to take the train to Kiev on March 3rd or 4th.
Ok so funny Max story. Last night, he was not a good rester either. Mark, informs me that he doesn’t understand why I can’t get them to go to bed at 9 like things were when he was here. I will reserve my comments on that comment for the privacy of my own marriage, however I bet you can guess what my take on that is… LOL. Anyway, Max was not into the whole go to bed thing. So eventually in sheer frustration, I hiss at him, “HUSH!” from my room to theirs. He says in Russian, “Mama what Hush?” ie, what does this hush mean? Now I had tried, “shhhh” and “Teha” for several minutes which is the equivalent of be quiet, and you know how I feel about “shut up” for I was getting there… so I tried the Hush… well, I explained Hush by saying, “Teha, Shhhhh, HUSH!” That translated… kindof… see from the other room, he understood that I was telling him that it was time to be quiet, which frankly I am sure he understood prior to my juviniel “HUSH MAX!” out of shere frustration at 11pm, but what he HEARD was “FUSH” not “HUSH” so here was the response that I got, “Mama Fush, Papa Fush, Anna Fush, Kevin Fush, John Fush, Max, NO FUSH!” What a booger… After this dissertation however, Max did “FUSH” and Mama could hear him snoring with his sister.
Ok John and the towel… so I am sure you have gotten Papa’s version of this story, but from the Mom’s side, here is what I am feeling… KK could tell you exactly what I am feeling… I will politely say I am ticked. Apparently, someone came by and did a room check on John. They inventoried, he did not have a towel. John, not having a towel, and cleaning and empty room, saw a towel. He took it. It was not a good choice, but he needed a towel. So, the person comes back to check on his room again, and of course, now he has a towel. So, he is busted because he took a towel and did not return it to the other room. His punishment today was that he did not get to go out with Mark, and supposedly this stupid “quarantine” is keeping the kids from going anywhere. Some of the other Americans have experienced this “quarantine” before. Kevin can’t go because of the quarantine either. I am to the point of tears to be honest with you. I am here, there is nothing I can do. My sons aren’t allowed to go with their father on a day out, they haven’t been out with us since we left to come to Zap. This is over a towel that he didn’t have, and needed… He was in trouble not having one, then he took one, and was in trouble for taking it… Do you know how stupid that is? Do you know how many towels are in their bathroom at home waiting for him??? Mama is not happy. And you know what they say… Dude I would be willing to put money on which teacher is responsible for this inventory. UGH. So, it has taken me 3 hours to type this two paragraphs. These two are freaks today because of this visit. I do understand. But Max having been up since 5:30 and dressed is overkill for me. He is falling asleep even as I type because he has been in over drive since last night. Ya’ll can pray for my night.
Love you guys,
J
Monday Feb. 25th.
We left at 1 to meet Aloshia and Luda. Did we need to leave at one? No. Did Max need to be dressed at 5:30 yesterday morning? No. But they were so excited. I tried to stall them for a while but they were so mad their brother and sister were “late” when it was 1:38 they could hardly stand themselves. They wanted to give them gifts. They wanted them to eat Pizza and enjoy it like they do. What follows is hard stuff so get your Kleenex ready.
Luda, and her boyfriend Slavic, who have been with each other for a year now, arrived to meet us first. They brought a box of candy and roses for me. I was really over come with their gift because I know that it is not cheap for them to do either of these things. Aloshia and his girlfriend Alonya arrived next. There was some small talk with the kids. Slavic and Luda gave them each a stuffed toy that sings a Russian song. (Side note for Puff: this is kin to the Truck that Adam got for Christmas one year that played La Cocas Rocha
which mysteriously disappeared when I went into the bathroom and mysteriously reappeared when I came out. Funny thing being, there were no batteries in it. hummm… These toys however are stuffed and therefore I am now learning two new songs…)
We went into the Pizza House. In Ukraine, there are not places to go “out to eat” for large groups. It is not like when we say we have a party of 12 or more and make reservations. So here we are 8 of us trying to get a place together. Finally a table opened up and we sat down. The prices on the menu gave them sticker shock. Let me explain to you that 8 of us ate. There were 5 individual pizzas, sodas, coffees, espressos, 4 salads, and two of these potato pie things for $54.00. That is not cheap by American Standards, but by Ukrainian standards when you make $100 a month it is extravagant. It would be like someone saying to me, Mark and Jenn we would like to take you to Ruth’s Chris in Jacksonville or something. I’ve never been there. I hear it is nice. Point being, in some ways this lunch date took on a whole new focus when we got in to sit down. I got schooled, and getting schooled in any language is not easy, in Russian, when it sounds like you are being cussed at when some one says hello, how are you, the weather is ok today, being schooled is really hard on the ears.
Aloshia is a hard guy. For 27, he has lived a full and difficult life. After we ate most of lunch, after there had been a lot of things said some of which were explained to me, some of which weren’t, he said that he wanted to tell me some things about his family. I was ready to listen. I asked if the children should go else where and take a walk with Luda, but he said there are no secrets and so he began.
Before Ukraine got it’s independence from Russia, there were communal farms here. The kids parents were farmers. Their dad was a tractor worker, and their mother a dairy maid. Life was ok, but when it got to be that they got their independence, there was a fall out economically. Life got harder. Their Mom got pregnant with Anna and so she could not work any more at the farm. Life got harder. Their Dad began to drink. He drank so much that he demanded that his wife drink with him. He did not want to drink alone. If she refused, he was “persuasive” until she gave into his demands. She learned to give in quickly and spare herself the persuasion. They drank heavily. They didn’t make enough money to really do more than keep a little on the table and then support their habit. One year after Anna was born there was a little brother born.
Aloshia left and joined the army. By the time he came back his Dad was dead. His mother was sick, and could not work. He took on the roll at 20 of being provider for the family. By 21 his Mother was dead, and he was now responsible for the two small children and his sister moved out. He tried to get help from his Uncles, they were both Alcoholics. One of which is also dead now. No one was able to really help him, no one could advise him. He just hurt trying to do every thing he could. Anna was the cook. And he said Max could do anything but he berated him a lot at the table causing him to cry as he talked about his character in a not so pleasant light. I was left wishing that he would stop, and knowing that eventually I would be helping to pick up the pieces of his heart because he looks up to his brother in so many ways.
The village elders came to Aloshia. They had a counsel. They explained to him that he would not be able to take care of the house and the kids. They told him if he wanted to keep things going, the best thing to do was to give the children to the orphanage. He talked to the kids, and he was responsible to take them and commit them to the orphanage. It was really hard for him. You could see his face was wounded as he talked. He is angry. He is bitter. While he loves his sister and brother and wants only the best for them, you can see he is also jealous of their new opportunities. He is desperate, like the rest of the people here, to make a new start, to break out of this deprivation and to have all the things they see that are in the West. They are all crying as Yana put it “from their souls” to have more and get out. According to them, the cost of an application for a visa to visit the US is $100. If you get an appointment, IF, then you go and you have this interview. IF you get granted a visa then it is another $800 in order to pay for it. It is not an easy thing to “Save up” in order to travel outside of Ukraine. Again, consider, the average cost wage for a month here is $100.00.
This was a really hard conversation for him. We all cried. We all grieved their loss. He is wanting to get married to Alonya this summer. They have a six month old baby girl together. They are trying to make sure that that will happen. He wants to do things right. I asked may I ask you a personal question, “He said yes, you can ask and no I do not drink” he knew before I asked what the question was. He knows that alcoholism is ugly and he has seen the devastation of it. He wants more. I am asking that as I have tried and get one more chance face to face before we leave for Kiev to do so, please let God open the door to share, and please let my translator do so for me. She is not one to let me talk about God to anyone. When we were at the orphanage, I was asked to speak on Valentines Day. I spoke the name of Jesus and she would not translate for me. She is a nice person. Very sweet. But she does not share what I say exactly when it comes to anything having to do with Christ. She shakes her head at me and says “you cannot.” You know that frustrates me. Finally yesterday as Aloshia was so angry as he was speaking, and I was asking what is he saying, she was trying to protect me from his bitterness, I told her, tell me what he is saying exactly and when I speak to him, you tell him what I am saying EXACTLY. My firmness at that point registered and she was willing for a short time to tell him that he has to keep trying and that he can’t give up. That God can help. I have more to say. I have more I want him to know. I need help. I need someone to tell him. I want to be that someone but if I am not, so be it, but pray that someone will and will do so with out being hindered. This boy is as much a victim of his circumstances as any other orphan, and God loves him just as much as one who is Fatherless and young.
I have been invited, with a huge chip on his shoulder, to come to the village and see the house they were all born in. To come and see what it is like for them there. Next Sunday, I will go with the children, back to their village, back to their house. I think in some ways he wants me to see because he wants me to know. In some ways it feels, and please try not to be offended by the way I put this, he wants to rub my nose in it. He was very clear that he wants me to understand what their life is and has been like, he was very clear that I will not be used to such circumstances. So he thinks. I told him finally (kind of sick at his very pointed frustration) that unless his house was built on stilts, and he has had to put his long hair on top of his head at night so that it doesn’t fall through the cracks for the pigs to chew on, I didn’t think his place was all that bad. We talked about my time in the Philippines. I he wanted to know what I did there, I told the translator I would tell him if she would say EXACTLY what I said. I explained that I lived with the people. I stayed in their homes. That if you do not live in someone’s home with them, you can’t understand their lives and their hearts, so I lived with the people, I taught English and about Jesus. He was not impressed but he was not as resolute to be angry either. He was listening. I am trying to earn the respect from him that I need to tell him about Christ. Pray that God will grant this. We go next Sunday at Noon.
In some ways, I have by sharing this, shared wounds that belong to our children, and that is really open. I want to be open because I think there is a lot to learn from this. I need to be open because it is important that I communicate clearly what prayer needs are called for in this situation. Now as a Mom, I am going to make it clear that no one besides Mark and I have the right to ask them anything about their past unless they bring it up first, and I highly doubt that they will. I will also make it implicitly clear that if some one does say anything to them with out our permission, or theirs, as their Mother, I will have something to say about it. Their hearts are so tender. They need time to heal and be protected and Mark and I intend to give them that time and tenderness.
John has a new sim card so he is able to call here and talk to the kids for free. The kids use my phone to call he and Kevin and they are enjoying learning about each other. They want to get all together. They keep asking when we will get to Kiev. They are very hyped about coming to America, and they are excited about their new lives there. We are excited to give that to them by His grace. Daily there is a countdown. Daily there are questions about how to make it go faster. Daily I wish I could. Reality is, it will be at least this Weds or Friday before we have a prayer to get our papers turned in again. Reality is, that once that happens until we get a court date we have that time plus 15 days before we go home. It is a long deal. While I am thankful some of you are going to be here in March and get to see your kids, as much as it would be nice to see you, it would be nice not too also! J If by the 8th of March we have not had court, which does not look likely, then we will probably run into you at some point.
I love you guys. I miss you a lot. I am so thankful that you are on our journey with us. So thankful that you pray for us, so thankful that you call too, English adult conversation is nice. Not the kids are really into letting me have it, but hey, any attempt is great. LOL. Thank you also for your emails. I enjoy catching up when I can. I am leaving now for the hotel and will try to upload this post. Sorry for the length. I wish I could do it daily. Trust me! LOL.
Power House kids, please pray for us that we get John’s documents tomorrow Tuesday, and that we get our papers turned in on Weds. or Friday to the court in Kiev. Thank you for your love and diligence in prayers!
Love,
Jenn
1 comment:
Jen,
I left another message on Mark's blog. Sorry, I did not know there were multiple ones.
I am so sorry about all the extra time. I am also sorry about you having to be away from Mark. I know how hard it was for me to be away form my Mark for two weeks but I finally had to say, this is my time with my new child and you know what. It really was great even with all the added extras they and the otehr around you bring to the table.Please know, I am lifting you up daily and praying your wait will miraculously be cut shorter, much shorter. I know it must have been hard to meet the families but what I great way to better connect to your children! My heart aches for them and for you! I have to say, the wire chewing event, I really wishI could have seen! I completely understnad the musica thing! Parker still says musica and still tries to take it apart if it doesn't sound good!
Your friend here in B'ham loves you! Have the Greek Salas at the Pizza place! It is really good!
MY love and prayers are with you! God has you in in the cleft of His arm! I know you are tired and frustrated and lonely! Don't give in, Don't Give Up!
He who has gotten you this far will get you to the end!
Much Love and all my prayers and good wishes!
Patricia
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