Kleenex anyone?

I taught our youngest son how to blow his nose last night. You are thinking, “Jenn, the kid is 12 sure you did.” Nope… I did. You know the packets of Kleenex that most women in America keep in their purse for those moments when they need them? My daughter thought I was amazing when I agreed to purchase a pack of 10 of them. She promptly divided them up for each of us to have two a piece and save the other two packs for Kevin and John. I bet that from where you are you can look around and see at least one box of Kleenex or maybe if you can’t see it you know exactly where it is and it is in walking distance. At the orphanage there is no nicely decorated box of Kleenex. There is no one that will hand you one when you are squalling your eyes out and tell you to blow. Nope. You just suck it up and that is how it goes.

In the morning, there is a routine at our apartment. Anna and Max both get up, go and wash their faces, and brush their teeth (zoobit their teeth) and then begins the melody that would make any one who has ever hung out at their grandparents house proud. The hawking of lugies begins, followed by the blowing of the noses into the sink because as I mentioned, there is no Kleenex in the orphanage. All the kids just like Santa lay their finger aside of their nose and just blow for all their might into the sink or if they are outside they just do it to the ground. I am not a big fan of boogers. Not in any way you come about them. This practice kind of makes you cringe as you are trying to drink a cup of tea in the morning. At any rate… this is life here.

Last night, Max lost it. He had been so hyped up all day because it was Papa’s birthday, and there were so many things that he was wound up about, finally he just snapped. He wanted the phone from us when we were talking to John and he had already spoken to him once and he was begging and jumping and carrying on and we told him no and he decided he didn’t like it. He got those stomping boots out and got to going on that and the tears just came. I was so glad that I had talked to Cheri earlier and she had given me some ideas on how to tackle this situation. In the middle of the melt down I was wondering why with in reach was this packet of Kleenex and when I gave it to him he would wipe his nose, wad it up and then that was it. He never blew it. All the sudden it hit me. He doesn’t know how. I took a tissue and folded it for him and told him to blow. He was not graceful at this (no comments on how much of it both of us then were wearing) but he goes, “Ohhhhh!” like it was this “ah ha” moment for him that THAT is what you do with that Kleenex stuff, it is not for just wiping your nose, nope it is for blowing your nose! He did that a few more times because he could. I was glad that he was getting it and the sucking up of snot was not as frequent as we just had some quiet time together.

I had hoped we were over the attitude but this morning he and Anna were at it again. Mark walked out and he had kicked her and she had jumped on him and wholopped him good. Mark told them to stop and they did. She proceeded to get the Russian English Dictionary and let me know that Max was “abusive” to which I must tell you I wanted to laugh. First of all, she has a solid foot and a half on him. Second of all, I am clear that my daughter can do more than “fight like a sissy girl.” So “abusive” was a really humorous word for her to have looked up and used. Max however did not find it as amusing as I did and he started to cry again. Anna satisfied that she had him in tears in front of us left the room. We defused this by simply ignoring the fight part of this and looking at his hands with him from where he has these bumps that he picks on because they are hurting. Mark says they are planters warts. He realized that we were not going to give him down the road for being “abusive” to Anna and he relaxed a little. Mark went in the other room and he sat with me and when I tried to tell him he didn’t need to fight with Anna any more he asked me basically, “do I have to go back to the orphanage?” I was stunned… I thought we covered this the other day. When they went for Valentine’s Day they had been so excited to go but then didn’t want to go all of the sudden. See they had cleaned up in the living room where their stuff is and I thought they were just being neat. Turns out that they thought they had to go back and stay. They thought their time with us was over. They were not going to come home with us. When we explained their stuff was staying here because they were coming home they were so excited they unpacked again. Max back in this mindset thought that because he and Anna are not doing well together right now figured that I was going to send him back to the orphanage. I told him he is my son forever and that no matter if he hits or kicks or is good or bad he is ours and he is not going back to the orphanage. I told him I don’t want him to kick or hit or be bad but no matter what he is ours forever.

I’ll take one of those Kleenex now. These kids are special. They have serious abandonment issues. They really are fearful that you are going to kick them to the curb and that the love you have for them is conditional and has an end. Over time, we pray, and ask you to pray with us, that they will fully understand the unconditional love of us as parents and more than that, the ultimate unconditional love of God through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Love and Hugs,
Jenn