Gotcha Day.
Ok. Wow. We all got up and got ready and then went to Nina’s office. She put the children in the car with her and we were in the car with G. We drove out to Nova and waited for all the officials. There was a woman whom we had never seen before, the secretary for the department of administration, the lady from the local administration who was a representative for the child welfare agency in Nova, the prosecutor, G., Mark and I and the kids. The Director from the school was there and that rounded out the group. I think we were all more concerned with Mark’s departure later on in some ways than we were about the process of court. Sounds funny I know but court kind of felt like a formality.
The Court asked Mark and I questions about our jobs. Did we think we could take care of the kids? How did we meet them? Did we pay the people that introduced us? No we did not we volunteered and that is how we got to know them. It was really not a lot of questions and they were all very fair. There was a time when the kids each had to answer if they wanted to go with us. When they stood up on court it was really hard on Anna. She cried and it was just a really emotional moment. You could tell she was fearful of all the adults in her space. It was too many people in the room for her. She gets freaked out by a lot of people she doesn’t know. Once she warms up she is fine. It just takes time. Max saw his sister cry and that was the end of him too, and you guessed it, I saw my kids crying and that was the end of me too. The whole court room was nearly in tears. The Director included who is a hulk of a Ukrainian man and so kind. He is a farmer, math teacher, sports coach and hard core father figure for all of these kids.
The judge dismissed us and then in a move that was a wee bit puzzling to us, said, “my final decision will come down on February 22nd.” No one said a word. We all just said a polite thank you and left. Not sure how this is going to play out, but for those who are familiar with the process you can do the math. And the math was falling in pleasant places for us, and a very unusual one. Again, no one is going to correct her on this end, we just have to see what happens. She may change her mind and issue a final decision on the 28th which would be “normal” we were all like, “ok, God you rock what just happened here is only explained by Your hand.” We will keep you up to date. Bottom line, if the final decision comes down on the 22nd I could BE in Kiev by the 26th instead of March 2nd or 3rd. You may feel very free to keep praying it is obviously working!!!!
We came home and Mark left for Kiev with G. It was a tearful exit after Papa was gone we all settled down and I fixed us a dinner. Anna and Max had a lovely altercation over a piece of candy and bath time and if they were or were not going to take one. Max thinks he is smooth and goes in and washes his hair and does not get undressed. I smell his armpit and send him back to try again. Life is what it is. Julia called. I was so thankful to talk to her and Emma and Sarah! It was wonderful to think of what it will be like when we are home and we are able to introduce the kids to so many amazing people.
With thankful hearts on Gotcha Day,
Jenn.
The Day After…
Hummmm today has been… wicked… in every sense of the word. It has been a spiritual battle from the word go. We were suppose to meet up with Aloshia and Luda who are Anna and Max’s older brother and sister 27, & 24 respectively. The kids got in a huge fight. I still do not know what over. It is not even relevant at this point. Ended up that with the hissy fit that ensued Anna was determined not only to make us late to meet them, but that she was going to keep herself from going too. She has been the one to beg for the meeting. She had been the one to set up the meeting. Then she went melt down on me. I sent Max with Yana in a taxi because it was important that their siblings not be kept waiting (Alosha has to come in from a small village over 20 min. drive away). Yana told her we could be picked up when ever she was ready. All we had to do was call. So, her sister called her. They had words. I was sure she was saying, “Hold on you poor thing, we will come and find you and rescue you.” Later, her brother called. Same tone in his voice. After he spoke to her she got up and I am pretty sure was not saying nice things in Russian. She combed her hair and I get a call that the taxi is coming back. Turns out they were giving her down the road for being rude and keeping me from being there and for not being very pleasant.
Our daughter growled, got in the taxi, and we went to McDonalds. Aloshia and Luda are two of the sweetest, kindest, oldest orphans I have met. What ever happened to their parents 5 years ago was painful to the point that a 27 year old man got up from the table and excused himself to cry when I asked can you tell me about yourselves and your family. End of my questions. End of the road for me at all. I showed them pictures, talked about our meeting the kids, asked if they had questions. They asked about their future, education, and contact. I answered as best I could. They want to come visit some day. I said I think that would be great. Anna was still growling at her older brother and he was getting really ticked so I suggested that they were left alone to be a family for a few minutes and I would go talk with Yana. We made our exit and left them to discuss whatever they wanted with out me as the outsider there. 45 minutes later Anna comes to find me to announce they are ready for me to come down Aloshia and Luda need to head home. I apologize for being late and ask if we can meet again on Friday for Pizza and this is a way for me to show them that my promise that this relationship is not final and we will stay in touch is heartfelt. They agree. I say that I think Friday will go better (God knows I hope so) and Aloshia says “Today did not go bad, thank you for meeting us.” He is a good man. He has lost his job recently. When you think that he became the one who was to take care of the family at age 22… with a 19 year old sister, 8 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother the kid has been through it, and you can see it right down to his hair prematurely graying. He gave me a good handshake and Luda gave me a hug. I hope that Friday is a blessing to them and not as much drama.
We left to go get passport pictures. My kids look like refugees in them, not happy like they are getting a golden ticket to America. Anna’s eyes are puffy and red. Max has the typical Ukrainian serious picture face on. Not the smiles that I had hoped for! I personally am worn out for the day. I know that things will get better. I know that it was a horrible stress for our daughter to think about wanting to see her family and thinking that it would be the last or maybe close to last time for a while that we would see them. And to be frank, right now, she has the word of a person who is still nothing more than a stranger that feeds her and gives her hugs as to the fact that we will come back. She is going to have to learn trust and I am going to have to earn it. Example, and you can think I am horrible I have had a hard time doing it, but I have heard her out in the hall crying. I know she wanted me to hear her. I know she wanted me to get up and come beg her to tell me what was wrong, my choice because I really felt like God was saying to me stay still. Was wait and let her come to me. Make her engage me by waiting. God was right. She has come in and I asked her why she is crying she says she misses her friends at school. God is good. We are getting there. Time will bring us all together. It is going to be a hard road. We are ready to walk it no matter what.
Hang in there with us.
Love
Jenn
A New Day – 2/20
So, S. called last night. She said that the judge will wait until 2/28 to give us the final directive. This means that as planned I will be here in Zap until after that date has passed. It will take about 3 or 4 days after the 28th to gather all the papers I need and then Anna and Max and I will go to Kiev to join Papa, John & Kevin. S will be getting us an apartment at Orphanage 12 off the green line for us to live at when we all hook back up. The good part of this is that we are close to Lori, and we know how to come and go from her Metro stop out to 21. The wild side of that of course is that we will be making that trek with two more folks in toe and who may not be super excited about it after they do it once or twice. Please pray for us in advance that they will have a good spirit about it, especially Miss. Anna who would be the one if I had to bet in advance might not be as inclined to want to make that hour long plus journey daily.
So as not to give the wrong impression let me say to you that I LOVE my daughter. She is funny. She is lovely. She is a helper. She is a snuggle bug in the morning and at night. She is a 13 year old girl who (oh by the way her birthday is NOT in March!!! It is in JUNE! We were wrong all this time about her b-day!) is trying very hard to adjust to life with some couple she wants to trust and love. She loves her friend Natasha who is also an orphan and who she came to me last night in tears and said she missed her. She used my Russian English dictionary to look up the word orphan to make sure that I was clear that Natasha has no one. I think after Aloshia gave her what for yesterday and explained what ever he did to her about the benefits of being adopted (for which I thank God and him) she got thinking about the others she is leaving behind.
Ya’ll there are so many kids here with no one. There are so many people here with no hope. Daily we walk to the “magazine” to get what ever groceries we need (bananas and apples and so forth) and daily as we come back to the apartment we pass people digging in the dumpsters for left over trash they can eat or collect (bottles). I have seen people eating out of them each day. Couple that with the COLD weather that we have had and you have a picture of the humanity in need that is outside our apartment window daily. I have seen people when it is snowing outside walk with out a shirt out of the kiosk with a liter bottle of beer. They are numb to life intentionally.
The kids parents died of alcoholism. They look at people with beer and “spirits” as they call them and they are pretty horrified. They whisper to each other and there is nothing in their tone that conveys, “ hey that is funny to see that dude stumble and fall” or “ha ha, there goes someone leaving the store with a bottle of vodka” they just tighten closer to each other and to me and we walk by as fast as their feet will carry them back and forth from the store.
God has been good to me in so many ways. I am learning more and more about His love as I work on the relationship with the kids. I know that we have so far to go. I know that building relationship takes time and love and love and time. Our youngest son thinks that it is ok when I ask him to please do something to say, “No Mom” and I do not mean that is a quiet polite “no Ma-am” I mean it is a loud whiney “Nooooohhhhah MommmM!” even if he doesn’t care about what I have asked, even if he has every intention of doing it, it is still “Nooooooohhhhhah MommmmmM!” After a while that is nails on a chalk board. He delights in this. I can’t wait till the day he understands what all parents have said for years to their own children which is, “Some day you will have a child of your own, and they will say these things to you too.” LOL. I think this is funny already. His other favorite thing to say to me is, “Chest Mom. Ahdean Minute” which loosely translated is, “Wait Mom. Just a minute” this is what he says to me with out fail each time I ask him to hand over the camera, anything electronic, or to take his bath or go to bed. Last night after Anna went to bed he came into my room to show me his foot which has a new wart on it. I explained to him as he called it the word (which escapes me now in Russian for) Wart that the English word is “wart.” Now… with a W. and an R in the word you have a hysterical “Vorrrrrrt” instead of a “wart!” He hears that and knows it and thinks that is so funny. “Vorrrrrt Mama! Vorrrrrt!” ROFL. I explain we have had enough of his Vorrrrrt for the night and it is time for bed. To which I get “chest Mom ahdean Minute” I tell him if I had a gryvna for each time he said that I would have millions of gryvna. After I say this with MUCH drama he finds it humorous and says it again nodding to the gryvna his Papa left sitting on the ledge in coins. Ha ha little Vort you are so funny! Soooo funny ha ha!
Ok, we are getting ready to head to the intourist to blog and then to go and get their refugee pictures. Ugh… I so hate those pictures! LOL.
Much love and many adventures to you one and all. Miss you!
Love,
Jenn, Anna and the Vort!
Ok. Wow. We all got up and got ready and then went to Nina’s office. She put the children in the car with her and we were in the car with G. We drove out to Nova and waited for all the officials. There was a woman whom we had never seen before, the secretary for the department of administration, the lady from the local administration who was a representative for the child welfare agency in Nova, the prosecutor, G., Mark and I and the kids. The Director from the school was there and that rounded out the group. I think we were all more concerned with Mark’s departure later on in some ways than we were about the process of court. Sounds funny I know but court kind of felt like a formality.
The Court asked Mark and I questions about our jobs. Did we think we could take care of the kids? How did we meet them? Did we pay the people that introduced us? No we did not we volunteered and that is how we got to know them. It was really not a lot of questions and they were all very fair. There was a time when the kids each had to answer if they wanted to go with us. When they stood up on court it was really hard on Anna. She cried and it was just a really emotional moment. You could tell she was fearful of all the adults in her space. It was too many people in the room for her. She gets freaked out by a lot of people she doesn’t know. Once she warms up she is fine. It just takes time. Max saw his sister cry and that was the end of him too, and you guessed it, I saw my kids crying and that was the end of me too. The whole court room was nearly in tears. The Director included who is a hulk of a Ukrainian man and so kind. He is a farmer, math teacher, sports coach and hard core father figure for all of these kids.
The judge dismissed us and then in a move that was a wee bit puzzling to us, said, “my final decision will come down on February 22nd.” No one said a word. We all just said a polite thank you and left. Not sure how this is going to play out, but for those who are familiar with the process you can do the math. And the math was falling in pleasant places for us, and a very unusual one. Again, no one is going to correct her on this end, we just have to see what happens. She may change her mind and issue a final decision on the 28th which would be “normal” we were all like, “ok, God you rock what just happened here is only explained by Your hand.” We will keep you up to date. Bottom line, if the final decision comes down on the 22nd I could BE in Kiev by the 26th instead of March 2nd or 3rd. You may feel very free to keep praying it is obviously working!!!!
We came home and Mark left for Kiev with G. It was a tearful exit after Papa was gone we all settled down and I fixed us a dinner. Anna and Max had a lovely altercation over a piece of candy and bath time and if they were or were not going to take one. Max thinks he is smooth and goes in and washes his hair and does not get undressed. I smell his armpit and send him back to try again. Life is what it is. Julia called. I was so thankful to talk to her and Emma and Sarah! It was wonderful to think of what it will be like when we are home and we are able to introduce the kids to so many amazing people.
With thankful hearts on Gotcha Day,
Jenn.
The Day After…
Hummmm today has been… wicked… in every sense of the word. It has been a spiritual battle from the word go. We were suppose to meet up with Aloshia and Luda who are Anna and Max’s older brother and sister 27, & 24 respectively. The kids got in a huge fight. I still do not know what over. It is not even relevant at this point. Ended up that with the hissy fit that ensued Anna was determined not only to make us late to meet them, but that she was going to keep herself from going too. She has been the one to beg for the meeting. She had been the one to set up the meeting. Then she went melt down on me. I sent Max with Yana in a taxi because it was important that their siblings not be kept waiting (Alosha has to come in from a small village over 20 min. drive away). Yana told her we could be picked up when ever she was ready. All we had to do was call. So, her sister called her. They had words. I was sure she was saying, “Hold on you poor thing, we will come and find you and rescue you.” Later, her brother called. Same tone in his voice. After he spoke to her she got up and I am pretty sure was not saying nice things in Russian. She combed her hair and I get a call that the taxi is coming back. Turns out they were giving her down the road for being rude and keeping me from being there and for not being very pleasant.
Our daughter growled, got in the taxi, and we went to McDonalds. Aloshia and Luda are two of the sweetest, kindest, oldest orphans I have met. What ever happened to their parents 5 years ago was painful to the point that a 27 year old man got up from the table and excused himself to cry when I asked can you tell me about yourselves and your family. End of my questions. End of the road for me at all. I showed them pictures, talked about our meeting the kids, asked if they had questions. They asked about their future, education, and contact. I answered as best I could. They want to come visit some day. I said I think that would be great. Anna was still growling at her older brother and he was getting really ticked so I suggested that they were left alone to be a family for a few minutes and I would go talk with Yana. We made our exit and left them to discuss whatever they wanted with out me as the outsider there. 45 minutes later Anna comes to find me to announce they are ready for me to come down Aloshia and Luda need to head home. I apologize for being late and ask if we can meet again on Friday for Pizza and this is a way for me to show them that my promise that this relationship is not final and we will stay in touch is heartfelt. They agree. I say that I think Friday will go better (God knows I hope so) and Aloshia says “Today did not go bad, thank you for meeting us.” He is a good man. He has lost his job recently. When you think that he became the one who was to take care of the family at age 22… with a 19 year old sister, 8 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother the kid has been through it, and you can see it right down to his hair prematurely graying. He gave me a good handshake and Luda gave me a hug. I hope that Friday is a blessing to them and not as much drama.
We left to go get passport pictures. My kids look like refugees in them, not happy like they are getting a golden ticket to America. Anna’s eyes are puffy and red. Max has the typical Ukrainian serious picture face on. Not the smiles that I had hoped for! I personally am worn out for the day. I know that things will get better. I know that it was a horrible stress for our daughter to think about wanting to see her family and thinking that it would be the last or maybe close to last time for a while that we would see them. And to be frank, right now, she has the word of a person who is still nothing more than a stranger that feeds her and gives her hugs as to the fact that we will come back. She is going to have to learn trust and I am going to have to earn it. Example, and you can think I am horrible I have had a hard time doing it, but I have heard her out in the hall crying. I know she wanted me to hear her. I know she wanted me to get up and come beg her to tell me what was wrong, my choice because I really felt like God was saying to me stay still. Was wait and let her come to me. Make her engage me by waiting. God was right. She has come in and I asked her why she is crying she says she misses her friends at school. God is good. We are getting there. Time will bring us all together. It is going to be a hard road. We are ready to walk it no matter what.
Hang in there with us.
Love
Jenn
A New Day – 2/20
So, S. called last night. She said that the judge will wait until 2/28 to give us the final directive. This means that as planned I will be here in Zap until after that date has passed. It will take about 3 or 4 days after the 28th to gather all the papers I need and then Anna and Max and I will go to Kiev to join Papa, John & Kevin. S will be getting us an apartment at Orphanage 12 off the green line for us to live at when we all hook back up. The good part of this is that we are close to Lori, and we know how to come and go from her Metro stop out to 21. The wild side of that of course is that we will be making that trek with two more folks in toe and who may not be super excited about it after they do it once or twice. Please pray for us in advance that they will have a good spirit about it, especially Miss. Anna who would be the one if I had to bet in advance might not be as inclined to want to make that hour long plus journey daily.
So as not to give the wrong impression let me say to you that I LOVE my daughter. She is funny. She is lovely. She is a helper. She is a snuggle bug in the morning and at night. She is a 13 year old girl who (oh by the way her birthday is NOT in March!!! It is in JUNE! We were wrong all this time about her b-day!) is trying very hard to adjust to life with some couple she wants to trust and love. She loves her friend Natasha who is also an orphan and who she came to me last night in tears and said she missed her. She used my Russian English dictionary to look up the word orphan to make sure that I was clear that Natasha has no one. I think after Aloshia gave her what for yesterday and explained what ever he did to her about the benefits of being adopted (for which I thank God and him) she got thinking about the others she is leaving behind.
Ya’ll there are so many kids here with no one. There are so many people here with no hope. Daily we walk to the “magazine” to get what ever groceries we need (bananas and apples and so forth) and daily as we come back to the apartment we pass people digging in the dumpsters for left over trash they can eat or collect (bottles). I have seen people eating out of them each day. Couple that with the COLD weather that we have had and you have a picture of the humanity in need that is outside our apartment window daily. I have seen people when it is snowing outside walk with out a shirt out of the kiosk with a liter bottle of beer. They are numb to life intentionally.
The kids parents died of alcoholism. They look at people with beer and “spirits” as they call them and they are pretty horrified. They whisper to each other and there is nothing in their tone that conveys, “ hey that is funny to see that dude stumble and fall” or “ha ha, there goes someone leaving the store with a bottle of vodka” they just tighten closer to each other and to me and we walk by as fast as their feet will carry them back and forth from the store.
God has been good to me in so many ways. I am learning more and more about His love as I work on the relationship with the kids. I know that we have so far to go. I know that building relationship takes time and love and love and time. Our youngest son thinks that it is ok when I ask him to please do something to say, “No Mom” and I do not mean that is a quiet polite “no Ma-am” I mean it is a loud whiney “Nooooohhhhah MommmM!” even if he doesn’t care about what I have asked, even if he has every intention of doing it, it is still “Nooooooohhhhhah MommmmmM!” After a while that is nails on a chalk board. He delights in this. I can’t wait till the day he understands what all parents have said for years to their own children which is, “Some day you will have a child of your own, and they will say these things to you too.” LOL. I think this is funny already. His other favorite thing to say to me is, “Chest Mom. Ahdean Minute” which loosely translated is, “Wait Mom. Just a minute” this is what he says to me with out fail each time I ask him to hand over the camera, anything electronic, or to take his bath or go to bed. Last night after Anna went to bed he came into my room to show me his foot which has a new wart on it. I explained to him as he called it the word (which escapes me now in Russian for) Wart that the English word is “wart.” Now… with a W. and an R in the word you have a hysterical “Vorrrrrrt” instead of a “wart!” He hears that and knows it and thinks that is so funny. “Vorrrrrt Mama! Vorrrrrt!” ROFL. I explain we have had enough of his Vorrrrrt for the night and it is time for bed. To which I get “chest Mom ahdean Minute” I tell him if I had a gryvna for each time he said that I would have millions of gryvna. After I say this with MUCH drama he finds it humorous and says it again nodding to the gryvna his Papa left sitting on the ledge in coins. Ha ha little Vort you are so funny! Soooo funny ha ha!
Ok, we are getting ready to head to the intourist to blog and then to go and get their refugee pictures. Ugh… I so hate those pictures! LOL.
Much love and many adventures to you one and all. Miss you!
Love,
Jenn, Anna and the Vort!
1 comment:
I love your Gotcha Day photo! How blessed you are. I also love how you felt the need to defend your daughter lest anyone think of her harshly. She sounds very much like a typical teen to me. What an emotional time for all of you. I remain amazed and awed by your journey.
BTW, I'm Carolyn Harouff's daughter Dara. I have been following your blog since my mom gave me the URL.
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