I wish I could post video, John and Yuri were doing some amazing gymnastic tumbling runs. I was impressed at the moves my boy had. Standing back flips and front handsprings.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Breaking the silence
Feb. 29, 2008
Today was a much better visit than the last two days. Kevin met me at the door. I am thinking this was on purpose, but it could have been he was waiting to go outside with his class (or maybe John told him to be there). Either way, he greeted me with Pop, and a hug. I started to say, who are you, and what have you done with my son. The mood was different, the attitude was favorable. Maybe someday I will have answers, but for right now, I am glad Kevin is back, and that he was glad to see his papa. Valera was there too, so I was doubly pleased, and when John came down, I was very happy. Both my boys present, and someone to help me communicate. John asks Valera to tell me that he has to finish something in class, and that he will join me in a little while. He then says, Pop, you go with Kevin. Kevin says, yes Papa you come with me. Gladly, that is why I come out here to this place, so we headed out to the soccer field. Most of the boys I know and recognize were outside today on the soccer field. There were only a few that didn’t come out to play. At one time I counted about 20 something boys, so it was a good group of players. In fact, one big game got going and moved to the larger field, and my boys entered into the second game on the basketball court. I got a lot of video segments today (wish I knew how to post those, but nothing I have tried so far works for video on our blog). I will put up a few still shots, but they just don’t turn out as well because they are in motion.
After the game, it was time for some tumbling. John and Yuri are some pretty good tumblers. Yuri I have had several opportunities to capture on video, but John has only once done a single back flip. Today, he wanted to show off a little more. To be his size, I am amazed he can tumble as well as he can. He is no giant, but bigger than the average gymnast I think. More walking ensued after we visited some of the other playground equipment, and then I gave them some snacks. We ended the visit back inside, and hugs all around. John and Kevin asked if I was coming tomorrow, and I told them yes. So the plan is that I will go again tomorrow, and then a visit Sat. and all day Sunday.
I had a good talk with the Zap side of the family tonight. Everyone seemed to be in a funny mood. We joked on the phone about Maxim getting a vwhoopin when I see him. A balshoy (big) vwoopin. Anna read through several phrases in Russian and English from the parent’s guide book. I said goodnight, and Mama was going to try and get them to bed.
I think Lori and I might take in a movie before we turn in. Thank you for your prayers, all of you who knew of the difficulties with Kevin and being able to spend time with John. I know God answered them today! I am looking forward to meeting up with the Radooga clan tomorrow evening, and also some other friends I have not seen in 3 years on Sunday evening. Jenn is still planning on coming into Kiev early Wed. morning on the train. Pray for that experience.
Until He is Known.
Papa Mark
Today was a much better visit than the last two days. Kevin met me at the door. I am thinking this was on purpose, but it could have been he was waiting to go outside with his class (or maybe John told him to be there). Either way, he greeted me with Pop, and a hug. I started to say, who are you, and what have you done with my son. The mood was different, the attitude was favorable. Maybe someday I will have answers, but for right now, I am glad Kevin is back, and that he was glad to see his papa. Valera was there too, so I was doubly pleased, and when John came down, I was very happy. Both my boys present, and someone to help me communicate. John asks Valera to tell me that he has to finish something in class, and that he will join me in a little while. He then says, Pop, you go with Kevin. Kevin says, yes Papa you come with me. Gladly, that is why I come out here to this place, so we headed out to the soccer field. Most of the boys I know and recognize were outside today on the soccer field. There were only a few that didn’t come out to play. At one time I counted about 20 something boys, so it was a good group of players. In fact, one big game got going and moved to the larger field, and my boys entered into the second game on the basketball court. I got a lot of video segments today (wish I knew how to post those, but nothing I have tried so far works for video on our blog). I will put up a few still shots, but they just don’t turn out as well because they are in motion.
After the game, it was time for some tumbling. John and Yuri are some pretty good tumblers. Yuri I have had several opportunities to capture on video, but John has only once done a single back flip. Today, he wanted to show off a little more. To be his size, I am amazed he can tumble as well as he can. He is no giant, but bigger than the average gymnast I think. More walking ensued after we visited some of the other playground equipment, and then I gave them some snacks. We ended the visit back inside, and hugs all around. John and Kevin asked if I was coming tomorrow, and I told them yes. So the plan is that I will go again tomorrow, and then a visit Sat. and all day Sunday.
I had a good talk with the Zap side of the family tonight. Everyone seemed to be in a funny mood. We joked on the phone about Maxim getting a vwhoopin when I see him. A balshoy (big) vwoopin. Anna read through several phrases in Russian and English from the parent’s guide book. I said goodnight, and Mama was going to try and get them to bed.
I think Lori and I might take in a movie before we turn in. Thank you for your prayers, all of you who knew of the difficulties with Kevin and being able to spend time with John. I know God answered them today! I am looking forward to meeting up with the Radooga clan tomorrow evening, and also some other friends I have not seen in 3 years on Sunday evening. Jenn is still planning on coming into Kiev early Wed. morning on the train. Pray for that experience.
Until He is Known.
Papa Mark
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Zaftra (Tomorrow) is another day
Today felt like another unsucessful day. Like yesterday, I went to see the boys. John has a new class that meets during our meeting time, apparently. So, Yesterday and today, I go and sit. I hope maybe to catch a glimpse of one of the boys. Both days John comes down for 1 minute, long enough to tell me Kevin is playing basketball. He then takes me to the basketball court, and I watch for a few minutes, and then the game ends. Kevin has given me the cold shoulder for 2 days now. I am really confused as to why? John says he wants to spend time together, but now has class. But, I have been there. At least they both know that. I am not sure what is behind Kevin's mood the past few days. It was starting on Sunday, but now it is like he is avoiding me.
I am frustrated. G is suppose to have news of the document for John this evening. We are hoping and praying it will be good news. Jenn will most likely return to Kiev with Max and Anna next Tuesday night on the train. So Wed. we should all go get to see the boys. I am excited for them to meet each other. John has been talking to Maxim and Anna quite a bit on the phone. Kevin some as well.
Jenn had a difficult afternoon. More family growing pains as the kids are learning what it is ok to do and not to do. This afternoon it was Anna's turn to test the boundaries, as yesterday was Maxim's. I know she is ready for a break, so I promised her that I would keep the kids one afternoon soon so she and Lori can do a ladies night, and watch LOST.
I am doing a little better than the past week with the homesickness. Don't get me wrong, I am still wnating ot be home. But the lurkingness of it has passed kind of like rain clouds after the storm. So I am doing much better, and thank you for your prayers.
Sorry No pictures, will try and work on some more this weekend.
Papa Mark out
I am frustrated. G is suppose to have news of the document for John this evening. We are hoping and praying it will be good news. Jenn will most likely return to Kiev with Max and Anna next Tuesday night on the train. So Wed. we should all go get to see the boys. I am excited for them to meet each other. John has been talking to Maxim and Anna quite a bit on the phone. Kevin some as well.
Jenn had a difficult afternoon. More family growing pains as the kids are learning what it is ok to do and not to do. This afternoon it was Anna's turn to test the boundaries, as yesterday was Maxim's. I know she is ready for a break, so I promised her that I would keep the kids one afternoon soon so she and Lori can do a ladies night, and watch LOST.
I am doing a little better than the past week with the homesickness. Don't get me wrong, I am still wnating ot be home. But the lurkingness of it has passed kind of like rain clouds after the storm. So I am doing much better, and thank you for your prayers.
Sorry No pictures, will try and work on some more this weekend.
Papa Mark out
Monday, February 25, 2008
Life is like a box of chocolates...
Sunday, Feb. 24, 2008
This morning was another early morning for me, as we had to leave to arrive at the orphanage by 10. I know, it doesn’t sound early, but if you add in little sleep, late night family bedtime, and our travel to the orphanage, trust me it was early. I am still feeling kind bad, due to a sinus infection/Ukrainian flu/whatever is making gallons of green snot in my nasal passages – sorry to the faint at heart, I am a missionary and we talk about these things openly. So, all that said, I did take time to read my devotion this morning, and there were some very relevant passages for the day. Beginning with Colossians 2:6-7 which says, “Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, rooted and built up, established in the faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” So, I had to pray for a little change of attitude, not focusing on the walk or my state of health, but my gift to be able to walk in the Lord, Christ Jesus. He didn’t have to offer me the gift of my status, but He did out of love for me. This helped me ignore the sick feeling, aches and pains, and to reach for the goal of ministering to my kids today. I was also blessed with a wonderful companion, our fabulous translator in resident, Loritchka. We set out, still trying to wake up fully, and survive the metro and marchutka. We were successful at both and we arrived at the orphanage right on time.
At this point, things began to get a little interesting. You see, apparently, there was some question as to whether or not we would be able to go anywhere today. G had cleared it with Alla, and we were told we could do an off campus trip to Caravan. Well, we asked for John and Kevin, and no sign of them. In fact there were not many sign of anyone. The door was locked as each adult left or arrived, and it felt a little “prisonish” today. We knew they were still under quarantine, but we had permission to be there. So I finally called John when he was not there after about 10 minutes (last time they were waiting on us) and he explains to Lori that he is in trouble and not allowed to join us for the day. Apparently, John told his caregiver he had no towel to use which was true. He was cleaning and found a towel, and didn’t mention this to the caregiver. So, when asked later, if he had a towel, the answer was yes. But he had not reported that he found the one he did, so there needed to be punishment. I am not one to question the authority, if what he did was wrong, there should be some punishment. But in my head, I was remembering my second verse for the day, in Deut. 10:17-18 which said, “For the Lord your God is the God of gods and Lord of lords, the great mighty and awesome God, showing no partiality and taking no bribe. He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow and he loves the foreign resident, giving him food and clothing.” I knew I was covered under that, and so were my kids. God would bring us justice this day. How, I wasn’t exactly sure, maybe this was it and I didn’t know it yet. Either way, I was not giving up just yet. We told G what had happened, and he discussed with John, and later the director on duty, and the caregiver by phone. An appeal was made to allow John to be able to visit with us still, considering the short amount of visits we have had this last week, due to the quarantine, and also my just getting back from being gone just over 2 weeks. Consent was then given, and we were given permission to walk the grounds. It was not Caravan, but at least I was able to spend time with my boys.
So, my response, was overflowing thankfulness. I was so glad to spend some time with the boys with two capable translators. It was great. I had a chance to encourage one of our sons who is struggling with school right now, to hang in there, and do the best he can. We joked around while we walked the campus. G was able to give an update on papers and answer questions. He shared some news about the big boxing match and shared his jovial attitude, which opened up the boys and got things started off right. A soccer match began after the first hour, and I was nominated to play goalie on John and Kevin’s team. It included some other kids that have visited Birmingham in the last few summers, and ended up being an 8 on 7 team matchup. Did I mention it was unfortunate that my team had selected me as their goalie and we were the 7 player team? It was not a blow-out, as the score ended 10 – 8, but my team did lose. I had so wanted to be Superdad, but the fact is that my sick and tired body did pretty well against these super soldiers of soccer, and only 10 goals was pretty amazing. LOL. So, I was much glad when the game ended, and we could “just walk” some more. *** Side note to soccer match- it is difficult to play on a team when you do not speak the same language as everyone else, there is no encouragement, no calling out plays, and every time you mess up you mistake glares (or maybe not) as get the old guy off the field he is making us lose. It is also not the time for your son to text you, as he left the field in the 3rd quarter of the game, to let me know that his phone is working on the new sim card as a suggestion by G. Of course it was the very moment the entire field of players was heading towards my goal. -- end side note***
On our walk we talked more, wrestled, shot some video footage, and got John’s new life number working and now we can call for much cheaper to talk to them. John was himself today. Kevin, was a little distant, but still participated in the game and some photo taking. We ended up spending from about 11am until 2pm with the boys. It felt like a success. Lori and I talked about how it seemed good for all the boys to be out and able to play some soccer today. So, I feel like some real ministry happened, even though I could not speak about the love of Christ, I hope I was successful in demonstrating it.
Tomorrow, there will be no visit. Tuesday or Wednesday, the quarantine is supposed to be lifted, and visits should return to normal. I got home and crashed for a little bit, and then got Jenn’s call about her day. WOW! She learned a lot from her visit with Maxim and Anna’s older brother, sister, brother in law, and soon to be sister in law. It was overwhelming and we would ask you tp pray specifically for the eldest brother, Alosha. He is a good man and has carried a very difficult burden for his family. He feels like he has failed in many ways, and Jenn’s heart was broken for him. She will meet with them once more, next Sunday, as she will go to the house they all grew up in, the house where Anna and Maxim were born, and where Alosha lives now. I am hoping this will be less difficult a visit, with the weight of the content of the visit today, but I am sure there will be more heavy things discussed and emotions that will surface. Jenn is such a trooper. I hate that I am not there to carry this load with her, and for her. I know God is her strength. When we were in Albania and had ministered to the Kosavar refugees, we listened to story after story of the horror people experienced due to attempted genocide of their race. We discussed as we returned to our apartment one night with some good friends, that sometimes things are so heavy, and you feel so helpless. You connect and empathize with the hurt. When your heart is so depleted and spent, it’s like there is a light switch you just have to turn off to disconnect. Today, I felt for Jenn and wished to be able to turn that switch off for her, because I know that parts of this experience, at least the last week, has brought her to that place of spiritual, emotional, and physical exhaustion. And there is still far to go. I am grateful that Jesus says in Matt. 5, “Blessed are the poor in spirit because the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Blessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted… blessed are you that are persecuted for my namesake… for great is your reward in heaven.”
Feel updated? I am only getting started. But it will leave you with just one more story.
A funny story. Tonight was my turn for some of Mama Olya’s medicine. I was awakened from a short rest, and talked with Jenn about the above update. Mama Olya came in and says Mark and a bunch of other stuff, which I could tell meant she was worried that I was sick. She asked me if I had done what she told me to do this morning, which I didn’t because I had no clue what she had said then, and no translation was available. So, Dennis comes in and says, take these pills. Ok, trusting that I know this woman wants me to feel better and would not harm me intentionally, I took the pills. Then, there was a spoonful of some liquid, that she counted 25 drops into a teaspoon. Dennis instructed me to hold it in my mouth for as long as I could stand it. I am thinking, again, what is it, but I was living in faith today. I did as I was asked, still no idea what it was. The liquid had basically no taste, but was warm and I swallowed it. Finally came the strangest command yet. It was the green liquid that I thought she was telling me to gargle with this morning, to help my throat. Except, that now it was being diluted in a small plastic cup with water, and Dennis translated I was to use it to wash my eyes. I was like really, because I had read on that bottle and in English it said mouthwash. I was very confused, and I asked for clarification again, “I am suppose to wash my eyes with this stuff?” Dennis says, yes. Ok, trusting again and preparing for my eyes to burn, I brace myself for the experience. Olya says, “Your eyes have the sick in them,” loosely translated by Dennis. Granted they were a little red, from having just woken up from a short nap, but my eyes seemed fine to me. But, Mama Olya knows best, and so I yielded to this final treatment. Yes, it burned a little but was not too bad. Now my eyes looked sick ...LOL and I thought I should have taken my visine in with me. Next time I will be more prepared. Since the treatment, I have been asked several times how I am feeling. I must say, I can breath through my nose, I am still coughing occasionally, and my eyes feel like I just came out of Mama Valerie’s swimming pool chasing my boy Maxim. I hope I make it until morning.
There were many other funny stories on the phone tonight with my wife. Maxim and his interesting word choices again, but I will let Jenn have the first crack at those. It was a rather “hole-y” story to tell. That was your hint.
This is Mark signing out for the night.
Blessings to you all. I pray you had a great day with Jesus, and worshiped Him in truth and in spirit.
Papa Mark
p.s. I did make it until morning to post.
Jabba.
I got each of the kids a stuffed animal. Max got a Frog, his name is Jabba. Jabba means Frog. Good name. Anna got a cat, a monkey for Kevin and and Aligator for John. I can't wait to give them to them. Anyway, here is Jabba the Russian and "American speaking" frog. He and Max and I do puppet shows at night. I love it. Best money I have spent yet.MTV Ukrainian Style
Max wants me to show this to you. It is a movie, you can't see the movie now, but he is taking video of the boom box at the apartment ~ nothing but the box, and the music. You know I cherish this video right? LOL.
Learning about Life
2-20-08
Kapusta…
So… my daughter just came in to my room, lay down across the bed, let it rip, and then blamed it on Cabbage, crying she was laughing so hard and saying, “Mama Kapusta!” How nice.
Ok so today was a much better day in our world.
2-21… and that was as far as I got… yesterday we all got up and got dressed. Did a short lesson on – The door is open. The door is closed. Knock and wait when the door is closed. This lesson was inspired by our son almost getting an eyeful when I was trying to take 2 minutes to get dressed. Silly me thinking a closed door would mean anything! LOL. It hasn’t any time I have tried to go to the bathroom, why should the bedroom door be different?
We headed up to the place their refugee pictures were taken, again, silly me, thinking that they might be there earlier than the promised time at 2 pm since the photo lab is in house. The lady told me to come back at 2. This meant that my hopes of nabbing photos and bloging and skipping the pizza house and going home for lunch were dashed. There were two very happy campers that the pizza house was added to our agenda!
I bloged, the kids colored and played games on Anna’s cell phone (lovely conversation later on yesterday about the fact that her cell will not work in America and she would get to use the home phone) and then just as I was trying to look on Google earth to see if I could show the kids our house (which by the way we were SOOO CLOSE to being able to do) when the power shut down and my battery died. UGH. Better luck next time. My plans dashed again, we had to leave and do Pizza before the picture pick up! (Never fear, there were snacks along the way, I am not letting them starve, and breakfast was late anyway) We went into the Pizza House and Max and Anna ordered their usual. Max gets a “Millennium” which is the equivalent to a supreme pizza and Anna and I get “Margaritas” which I know you think is funny but is basically tomato and cheese. Geeze you guys… come on!
We have been working on our table manners (not that you can tell yet), especially for moments like yesterday when we are out in public. Having not eaten with a fork much before (the kids at Anna’s orphanage only use spoons they are afraid the kids will do something or get agitated and hurt someone with them) they are adapting to using all utensils. They know what they do but just are not as comfortable with them as they are with just a spoon. Also, being from an orphanage, when someone puts the meal on the table, you eat it. You eat it fast. If there is extra and you are not done with what is in your bowl, you have no reason to get more, and no recourse if said extras are gone before you are done. Max could hands down win any anything eating contest. Hot cheese was not the least bit daunting for him at the Pizza House. I can’t believe he still has the roof of his mouth.
Having had this conversation before, and for several days now, he knows it is coming. He was waiting. Mouth LOADED with pizza, cheese, ham, onion who knows what else is on that thing, hanging out of his mouth, he looks at me in the middle of “business lunch” hour (meaning all these folks are around watching the American with the two kids who are not exactly using their best manners and shaking their soda bottles when they are not being used to try to whack each other on the head or hand just for fun… and Mother you can stop laughing now, you will pee your pants) Max looks at me. I give him the “Dude, you know that we have talked about this before look, and tell him, “chew slowly please, take small bites” (I have the Russian phrases for Children book no I did not expect him to get that in English). My kid, ROFL, proceeds to look at me and just when I think he is going to spit out said two slices of pizza worth of cheese etc, he gets the biggest “ha ha, stinks to be you Mom, it ain’t happenin” look on his adorable face I have ever seen. He knows he has me and I burst into a huge grin. Anna is cracking up. He gobbles down the molten lava rears back in his chare and says, “sank you vedy much ahhhh!” Score for the short stack.
We leave the pizza house, God reminding me, it doesn’t matter one bit what anyone thinks about my tomato covered kids with their foreign speaking Mother, and head to get their refugee photos, and yes, they are that bad, and no, after my traumatic experience yesterday, I refuse to get them retaken, they will be a lovely conversation piece and memory of the whole ordeal for the next 10 years since that is how long passports are good for I think. Now it is after 2, the sun is lower in the sky, the wind is stronger and colder and we are walking down hill on ice (we will be walking back up that same iced hill). Max has one hand, Anna the other… and I think to myself in the frozen cold, God, this is so awesome… How long will we be in the states before they think they are too cool for me and don’t want to do this anymore? How many 12 and 13 year old kids want to hold their Mom’s hand and walk down the street? Their pictures are ready, I need to exchange money so I duck into a money changing space, and of course I think I am safe because it is suppose to just have stuff for babies. Hummm nope. Electronics on one side, baby and kid stuff on the other… Crud. They know I now have money and the begging begins. I felt like I was on skies as Max is trying to drag me on the ice back toward the store, “Mama Phone! Mama Phone… Please, Mom pezhalsta!” in the sing song whine that is universal. I finally stop saying anything at all which is apparently equally as annoying as my saying no, and nyet, and No sir, and any other language including sign that I can think of to say “ain’t gonna do it man” while trying to keep Anna at bay about a hair brush which she has one of her own and has stopped using it in favor of mine. In short, they were killin me. I opt for giggles alternated by silence and a few things in English that would have made any Mom proud not that any one but the pigeons were listening to me.
Eventually we made it home with our dignity, the photo’s, two packs of chewing gum, and some éclairs that were calling us from the street. Hey, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make at that time. Kind of like a substitute for Dr. Pepper and fries at Wendy’s drive thru right? J
Mom called. Papa Called. Patricia Knipher called… Life was good. We all got to sleep at a reasonable hour and we started today on a good note. Valerie Hall was our wake up call which was a lovely treat! Love to the whole Hall crew and those living with you too! Then we got started on cleaning the apartment.
While I was doing laundry Anna was using some window cleaner on the mirrors around here and Max was supposed to be listening to “Musica” and playing a game. Hum… I am ringing out clothes and I notice that is quiet. There is no “musica” playing… which is not a good sign… I walk into the living area and find our son, chewing on a wire like a rat, with all of the electronic equipment out of their spots and the TV which I do not want to talk about how much it weighs sitting on the glass top coffee table. OMG. “Mom Mom, it’s ok” He proceeds to explain through Russian charades that the sound was not good so he is going to fix it for me. This is a really sweet gesture except that a. the sound was not that bad in my girly opinion, and b. it ain’t our apartment or stuff to rewire. I am here to tell you that in the back of my head I kept hearing our translator say, “you have to learn to trust your kids.” Mind you she was saying this to me when she was watching the horror on my face as they were shaking up Coke bottles at the Pizza House one day and nearly spraying us and at least a dozen people down with them as they tempted fate to open them. Max is looking at my face and my choice was to be an encouragement. After all, I certainly wasn’t going to be able to rewire what he had undone. Better to let him finish his project right? A quick call to Lori in Kiev (we kind of decided to bypass explaining the conundrum to Papa and went right to Aunt Lori for help) to explain that this is not our place and everything has to go back to the way it was exactly… and I waited out Max’s electrical experiment.
An hour and a half later, and any nails either of us had left, he did. And, if he did say so himself, which he did, by calling himself, “Maximoo the Champion” ROFL… OMG!!! He did in fact not only fix it, but it did sound better. I will not think about the fact that I watched him chew through the wires, and was in a constant state of fear that he would electrocute himself. I will not discuss the fact that there are two wires “left over” which he shrugged off and stuffed at the back of the cabinet dusting his hands off to say, “I fixed it, so who needs it really?” He has a future in all things mechanical. And maniacal I think too!
He is no so great about wanting to do anything I ask that has to do with a bath, or something that is not his personal plan. Like if I tell him, no, you can’t use the camera, or cell phone to play a game because in fact we are going to eat now, or do a game together, or color… He is a charmer. He does know how to use it, and you folks have all been duly warned. If you think any of the other kids at church can turn it on… just you wait. He even does the bat your eyes thing. I just roll mine at him now. It is going to take a good bit of time with all of them to teach them that they can be themselves and they will be loved with out the added eyelashes and hugs. Not that I mind them! It is just hard when you say no and you get the tantrum that follows to think that he really does love you too, and it is not just for your “Mama computer. Mama phone. Mama eat. Mama ball. Mama Musica” I told him today I am just plain Mama… it didn’t translate. I think the rest of you feel me on this.
It does bring up a good point and that is, to support us when we get home, it will be really important not to undermine us with them by giving them things “when we are not looking” like candy and gum and trying to endear yourselves to them. Honestly what is happening is they are playing you, and you are communicating that you are weak and will give in, not that you are nice and you want to be their friend. Max is the poster child for giving what is called, “indiscriminant affection.” His goal is not to hurt your feelings, but to get what he wants when he wants it at any cost including your feelings if you do “make the mistake” of telling him “no” to something he has decided he “will” have he will pitch a hissy not because he is “bad” but because he has learned what works to wear people down and get his perceived needs met. Over time, he will learn that he is valued for who he is, and that he can have, with boundaries, what he needs and even some of the things he wants. For now, please help us with the kids, by making sure that we are cool with giving them the things they are asking you (begging you) for. They have to learn to trust us to meet their needs and sometimes that means telling them no because what they perceive is a need, is really a want that can wait or that they may not get at all. For example, Coke will be a firm “no” from us because we have learned that coke is a sure fire dose of speed for all of them. Sprite is doable, but water and juice and mildly sweetened tea are favorable.
How did I manage to get this much time to write? I have a confession… I started bed time early tonight, and I did something awful. I put in a DVD of Roswell. Anna is officially hooked on the teenage alien soap opera that we admittedly own all three seasons of, and watch once a year all the way through usually in the summer. We skipped this summer hopeful that we would get our adoption date and could bring a few discs with us. They made it through two episodes and then crashed. “Slavah Bog” “Praise God” And with that dear people I too am crashing so that I will be able to make it through whatever tomorrow holds ~ which is hopefully the final court decree saying Anastasia Elizabeth and Maxim Gregory are officially Smiths.
Lovin from this side of the pond…
Mama, Anna and “Maximoo” the champion electrician!
Give me a kiss to build a dream on…. Louie Armstrong…
Ok.. I have a confession, yes another one… I brought the sound track to Sleepless in Seattle with me. I love that movie. Have since college. I hope that today we get to blog later that things are going swimmingly and that we are going to be out of here soon. We should hear something in a couple of hours from Nina. She went out to talk to the judge today. She was suppose to talk to her at 9. I got a call from Yana and she said that once she gets whatever papers she needs then we will start to go and get the vital records stuff going. I am not exactly sure what is happening. I just know that God is good and that He can do anything. I am amazed.
My honey is sick. I feel so bad for him. I know he is having a hard time with the idea of being solo with all the mess going on with John’s papers. I hate that they keep hitting walls. Please pray with us about this. I will not go quietly on this. We really need to get something from the oblast that says that his Mom died. She died a homeless woman and so therefore there is no record of her death apparently. John is discouraged and Kevin in all his wisdom has not helped that at all. I know that it is hard for them that I am here. They feel separated and like they are second best… I want them to know that we are a family and we are all going to be ok and together. I am trying to adjust to the fact that every day that we are not paper ready in Kiev that is another 10 days for us all to be here. Mama is trying to be good, and confesses that it is hard to feel like I want to be here much longer. I keep thinking that it will be easier once we are all in the 10 day wait up there. At least we will be together you know? The longer this lasts with the paper problems in Kiev the more likely that it is that I will be here with the kids for a while solo. I am cool with that. I really am. I want Mark to get home and get back to our Kids stateside.
We miss you all so much. I want you each to know that it has been hard for Mr. Mark and I to be away from you. We have been having a hard time with the idea of being gone so long. We miss you. We think about you all the time and we are thankful for your being so good about us being gone. We know that it has been a blessing for you to have Mr. Terry and Ms. Chelle with you and that you have been really good for them. I am thinking of them as I am listening to “Back in the Saddle Again” and thinking that we can’t wait to get back in the saddle again too. We are very aware that your lives are moving forward. Each of you has so much to tell us from Monday to Wednesday to Sunday, it is hard for us to feel like we are missing out on what is happening with you. I am so thankful when I sign in on email and I get a short message from you that tells me what is going on. I am glad to hear from you and even if I can’t send an email back right away I am thankful that you know that I get them and I am praying for you. I miss doing Power House with you guys! I miss you asking Rolly Pohlee if they want their “Happy Dogs” and watching them Pohlee “scoot his butt” when we all know that it is not appropriate, especially during prayer time! LOL. I miss Rolly pawing each of you and then making you laugh when he sniffs you hello! You know what I mean! You guys are their kids too J I miss getting to laugh with each of you and cry with you too. Your hearts are so precious to us and we know that you have waited with us a long time for these 3 brothers and sister to come home and be a part of our Youth Family. I want you to know that your prayers have been answered. The kids are awesome. You will love them. You will fight with them. You will think they are funny and you will think they are weirdos all at the same time. Trust me, I think the same thing. J Some things these kids do, you know I would give you a whoopin for. By the way I taught Max how to say “whoopin” but it comes out “Voupin” Which of course, he has not gotten one, but I love to tell him he is going to get one, which he thinks is hysterical. He mocks me and says, “Voupin, Mama, Mama Voupin!” and acts like he is going to smack his own behind. The first time he does this you guys will laugh your socks off. He is a total clown. Kevin is a lot the same. He is a happy guy for the most part. He has a good smile. He wants to do the right things. He will be one that you guys can really help share in fun stuff with and do a lot of sports. He loves soccer. Anna is going to be a little shy at first, same with John. They want friends but they just need some time to warm up you know? Like they don’t want to be stalked at Walmart and asked to go to camp right Emma? LOL. I am so proud of you guys for all your hard work at the Sweet hearts banquet. I heard that you all worked hard and that Caleb spoke and did the devotional! WOW!!! Awesome Man! Tricia I heard about your Karate Banquet. J I hope you guys took pictures! Shelby is keeping me informed about the goings on! Guys it won’t be too long before we get this group all together and we can learn to be a family with all of you. Things are going to change, but not so much that we won’t be able to all learn and get along.
We love each of you. Please keep holding on this adventure seems like it is never ending. In a way your parents can explain to you that it is never ending. The good kind.
Feb. 23.
Whelp… we will not get our short stay here. Our official paper will not be given to us until 2/29. I confess, that was hard to hear when we thought that we would get the papers yesterday. Topping it off, it was dreary here, like more than normal. I finally just kind of lost it when Mom called. Just for a second because I can’t really get upset in front of the kids because that upsets them. Especially that I can’t explain what it is that is going on in my head. So you suck it up and keep rolling. You fix grilled cheese sandwiches and get happy because a. you were able to do it for your kids, and b. it is the first time they have had it and they dig it.
As it stands, for those of you who are trying to guess when we will get back with the kids, when you see that we get our court date, you can add about 15 days to that (hopefully less but you never know) and that is likely my touch down date. At this point, we have not even gotten our papers submitted in Kiev because of the issue about John’s Mom’s death certificate. It is really hard for me in some ways because to be honest, about a week ago I was ready to get home. The fact that the kids are really missing their Papa, and so am I, and they are stuck in this really funky in between space is hard for them and for us. They are ready to go. They talk about going to America. Yesterday Anna practiced signing her new name for a long time in English letters so that she can sign for her passport. Max as well. They can both write really well with their English letters. They can read them. Like ex: if I were to write out a sentence they can totally sound out each word, but then after they read it they have a blank look because they do not know what the words mean. They can make the right sounds but have no idea what those sounds strung together mean. It is like me reading Spanish. I can likely do it, but not really get it.
So the kids are talking to their sister and her boyfriend and they are going on about all the things they did yesterday which is cool. Sara Groves and I are trying to find out “How can I tell this story again?” Daily I am trying to do so. Daily I feel like I succeed and then fail all at once. It was Max’s turn last night to press up to the edge and go over. He is like a bull dog with a dirty sock when he decides he wants something. He thinks the more times he asks for it, and I mean like a 4 year old, pestering the fool out of you, that you will eventually crack and give it to him. Being as I might be a little hard headed myself (I know you are all shocked… who, you Jenn? No…not you I can hear you all saying) this makes for a very entertaining dialog of Mama please, Mama ______ (insert camera, video, computer, music, candy, etc here… ) and Mama saying, No Max not now later or tomorrow. After a full day of this yesterday it was finally time for him to take his bath. He decided to let me know how he felt about that by telling me no Mom. It would have been ok, except that he followed that with a really snotty move that sort of chapped my hide. It was um, not fit for description here on the blog. Let’s just say under normal circumstances it would have most surely called for a “voupin.” Being as how these circumstances, like most in my life, are not exactly normal, there was no Voupin but the battle of wills was surely on. It is that kind of stuff that when you know you have clear communication is hard, but when you are earning trust, and working to build relationship makes it really tough. If Papa is around then it is not as big of a struggle. The no is still there but the fight is not nearly the same. Time and love, love and time.
My time is short now so big lovin to all of you and just please know that no matter how hard it is, I am loving that I am a Mom. Nothing changes the feeling that I get when they give me a kiss, when they come ask me a question about when we are going to America and when we are going to be with Papa. They are daily becoming more ours, and daily I am thankful that God would allow me the honor of being a Mama.
Learning about relationship in Ukraine,
Jenn
Feb 24.
Max is hyper today. Not that Mark is not always hyper, but he is especially wired today because we are going to see his brother, sister and her boyfriend, for lunch. I on the other hand am not hyper. Something is going on in Kiev and I am not sure what. The kids told me that something happened and John isn’t allowed to go and visit with Mark today. He is working on getting to the bottom of that.
My sleep last night was pretty icky. I was not really a good rester. J I’m sure that had something to do with the fact that it was a Saturday night in UA and there was a LOT of activity outside of our apartment. I am sure I have failed to mention that it is located over the top of a casino, and a motorcycle bike shop. Needless to say we are never at a lack for um, interesting, characters around here. Ya’ll, I am so ready to be back in Kiev (can you believe I just wrote that…) I want this leg behind me. Yesterday Anna and Max asked at least a dozen times when we would get to America. I wish I could tell them. I made a calendar on the back of a placemat from the Pizza House and we mark the days off. They know their papers will be ready on the 29th, and we are hopeful to take the train to Kiev on March 3rd or 4th.
Ok so funny Max story. Last night, he was not a good rester either. Mark, informs me that he doesn’t understand why I can’t get them to go to bed at 9 like things were when he was here. I will reserve my comments on that comment for the privacy of my own marriage, however I bet you can guess what my take on that is… LOL. Anyway, Max was not into the whole go to bed thing. So eventually in sheer frustration, I hiss at him, “HUSH!” from my room to theirs. He says in Russian, “Mama what Hush?” ie, what does this hush mean? Now I had tried, “shhhh” and “Teha” for several minutes which is the equivalent of be quiet, and you know how I feel about “shut up” for I was getting there… so I tried the Hush… well, I explained Hush by saying, “Teha, Shhhhh, HUSH!” That translated… kindof… see from the other room, he understood that I was telling him that it was time to be quiet, which frankly I am sure he understood prior to my juviniel “HUSH MAX!” out of shere frustration at 11pm, but what he HEARD was “FUSH” not “HUSH” so here was the response that I got, “Mama Fush, Papa Fush, Anna Fush, Kevin Fush, John Fush, Max, NO FUSH!” What a booger… After this dissertation however, Max did “FUSH” and Mama could hear him snoring with his sister.
Ok John and the towel… so I am sure you have gotten Papa’s version of this story, but from the Mom’s side, here is what I am feeling… KK could tell you exactly what I am feeling… I will politely say I am ticked. Apparently, someone came by and did a room check on John. They inventoried, he did not have a towel. John, not having a towel, and cleaning and empty room, saw a towel. He took it. It was not a good choice, but he needed a towel. So, the person comes back to check on his room again, and of course, now he has a towel. So, he is busted because he took a towel and did not return it to the other room. His punishment today was that he did not get to go out with Mark, and supposedly this stupid “quarantine” is keeping the kids from going anywhere. Some of the other Americans have experienced this “quarantine” before. Kevin can’t go because of the quarantine either. I am to the point of tears to be honest with you. I am here, there is nothing I can do. My sons aren’t allowed to go with their father on a day out, they haven’t been out with us since we left to come to Zap. This is over a towel that he didn’t have, and needed… He was in trouble not having one, then he took one, and was in trouble for taking it… Do you know how stupid that is? Do you know how many towels are in their bathroom at home waiting for him??? Mama is not happy. And you know what they say… Dude I would be willing to put money on which teacher is responsible for this inventory. UGH. So, it has taken me 3 hours to type this two paragraphs. These two are freaks today because of this visit. I do understand. But Max having been up since 5:30 and dressed is overkill for me. He is falling asleep even as I type because he has been in over drive since last night. Ya’ll can pray for my night.
Love you guys,
J
Monday Feb. 25th.
We left at 1 to meet Aloshia and Luda. Did we need to leave at one? No. Did Max need to be dressed at 5:30 yesterday morning? No. But they were so excited. I tried to stall them for a while but they were so mad their brother and sister were “late” when it was 1:38 they could hardly stand themselves. They wanted to give them gifts. They wanted them to eat Pizza and enjoy it like they do. What follows is hard stuff so get your Kleenex ready.
Luda, and her boyfriend Slavic, who have been with each other for a year now, arrived to meet us first. They brought a box of candy and roses for me. I was really over come with their gift because I know that it is not cheap for them to do either of these things. Aloshia and his girlfriend Alonya arrived next. There was some small talk with the kids. Slavic and Luda gave them each a stuffed toy that sings a Russian song. (Side note for Puff: this is kin to the Truck that Adam got for Christmas one year that played La Cocas Rocha
which mysteriously disappeared when I went into the bathroom and mysteriously reappeared when I came out. Funny thing being, there were no batteries in it. hummm… These toys however are stuffed and therefore I am now learning two new songs…)
We went into the Pizza House. In Ukraine, there are not places to go “out to eat” for large groups. It is not like when we say we have a party of 12 or more and make reservations. So here we are 8 of us trying to get a place together. Finally a table opened up and we sat down. The prices on the menu gave them sticker shock. Let me explain to you that 8 of us ate. There were 5 individual pizzas, sodas, coffees, espressos, 4 salads, and two of these potato pie things for $54.00. That is not cheap by American Standards, but by Ukrainian standards when you make $100 a month it is extravagant. It would be like someone saying to me, Mark and Jenn we would like to take you to Ruth’s Chris in Jacksonville or something. I’ve never been there. I hear it is nice. Point being, in some ways this lunch date took on a whole new focus when we got in to sit down. I got schooled, and getting schooled in any language is not easy, in Russian, when it sounds like you are being cussed at when some one says hello, how are you, the weather is ok today, being schooled is really hard on the ears.
Aloshia is a hard guy. For 27, he has lived a full and difficult life. After we ate most of lunch, after there had been a lot of things said some of which were explained to me, some of which weren’t, he said that he wanted to tell me some things about his family. I was ready to listen. I asked if the children should go else where and take a walk with Luda, but he said there are no secrets and so he began.
Before Ukraine got it’s independence from Russia, there were communal farms here. The kids parents were farmers. Their dad was a tractor worker, and their mother a dairy maid. Life was ok, but when it got to be that they got their independence, there was a fall out economically. Life got harder. Their Mom got pregnant with Anna and so she could not work any more at the farm. Life got harder. Their Dad began to drink. He drank so much that he demanded that his wife drink with him. He did not want to drink alone. If she refused, he was “persuasive” until she gave into his demands. She learned to give in quickly and spare herself the persuasion. They drank heavily. They didn’t make enough money to really do more than keep a little on the table and then support their habit. One year after Anna was born there was a little brother born.
Aloshia left and joined the army. By the time he came back his Dad was dead. His mother was sick, and could not work. He took on the roll at 20 of being provider for the family. By 21 his Mother was dead, and he was now responsible for the two small children and his sister moved out. He tried to get help from his Uncles, they were both Alcoholics. One of which is also dead now. No one was able to really help him, no one could advise him. He just hurt trying to do every thing he could. Anna was the cook. And he said Max could do anything but he berated him a lot at the table causing him to cry as he talked about his character in a not so pleasant light. I was left wishing that he would stop, and knowing that eventually I would be helping to pick up the pieces of his heart because he looks up to his brother in so many ways.
The village elders came to Aloshia. They had a counsel. They explained to him that he would not be able to take care of the house and the kids. They told him if he wanted to keep things going, the best thing to do was to give the children to the orphanage. He talked to the kids, and he was responsible to take them and commit them to the orphanage. It was really hard for him. You could see his face was wounded as he talked. He is angry. He is bitter. While he loves his sister and brother and wants only the best for them, you can see he is also jealous of their new opportunities. He is desperate, like the rest of the people here, to make a new start, to break out of this deprivation and to have all the things they see that are in the West. They are all crying as Yana put it “from their souls” to have more and get out. According to them, the cost of an application for a visa to visit the US is $100. If you get an appointment, IF, then you go and you have this interview. IF you get granted a visa then it is another $800 in order to pay for it. It is not an easy thing to “Save up” in order to travel outside of Ukraine. Again, consider, the average cost wage for a month here is $100.00.
This was a really hard conversation for him. We all cried. We all grieved their loss. He is wanting to get married to Alonya this summer. They have a six month old baby girl together. They are trying to make sure that that will happen. He wants to do things right. I asked may I ask you a personal question, “He said yes, you can ask and no I do not drink” he knew before I asked what the question was. He knows that alcoholism is ugly and he has seen the devastation of it. He wants more. I am asking that as I have tried and get one more chance face to face before we leave for Kiev to do so, please let God open the door to share, and please let my translator do so for me. She is not one to let me talk about God to anyone. When we were at the orphanage, I was asked to speak on Valentines Day. I spoke the name of Jesus and she would not translate for me. She is a nice person. Very sweet. But she does not share what I say exactly when it comes to anything having to do with Christ. She shakes her head at me and says “you cannot.” You know that frustrates me. Finally yesterday as Aloshia was so angry as he was speaking, and I was asking what is he saying, she was trying to protect me from his bitterness, I told her, tell me what he is saying exactly and when I speak to him, you tell him what I am saying EXACTLY. My firmness at that point registered and she was willing for a short time to tell him that he has to keep trying and that he can’t give up. That God can help. I have more to say. I have more I want him to know. I need help. I need someone to tell him. I want to be that someone but if I am not, so be it, but pray that someone will and will do so with out being hindered. This boy is as much a victim of his circumstances as any other orphan, and God loves him just as much as one who is Fatherless and young.
I have been invited, with a huge chip on his shoulder, to come to the village and see the house they were all born in. To come and see what it is like for them there. Next Sunday, I will go with the children, back to their village, back to their house. I think in some ways he wants me to see because he wants me to know. In some ways it feels, and please try not to be offended by the way I put this, he wants to rub my nose in it. He was very clear that he wants me to understand what their life is and has been like, he was very clear that I will not be used to such circumstances. So he thinks. I told him finally (kind of sick at his very pointed frustration) that unless his house was built on stilts, and he has had to put his long hair on top of his head at night so that it doesn’t fall through the cracks for the pigs to chew on, I didn’t think his place was all that bad. We talked about my time in the Philippines. I he wanted to know what I did there, I told the translator I would tell him if she would say EXACTLY what I said. I explained that I lived with the people. I stayed in their homes. That if you do not live in someone’s home with them, you can’t understand their lives and their hearts, so I lived with the people, I taught English and about Jesus. He was not impressed but he was not as resolute to be angry either. He was listening. I am trying to earn the respect from him that I need to tell him about Christ. Pray that God will grant this. We go next Sunday at Noon.
In some ways, I have by sharing this, shared wounds that belong to our children, and that is really open. I want to be open because I think there is a lot to learn from this. I need to be open because it is important that I communicate clearly what prayer needs are called for in this situation. Now as a Mom, I am going to make it clear that no one besides Mark and I have the right to ask them anything about their past unless they bring it up first, and I highly doubt that they will. I will also make it implicitly clear that if some one does say anything to them with out our permission, or theirs, as their Mother, I will have something to say about it. Their hearts are so tender. They need time to heal and be protected and Mark and I intend to give them that time and tenderness.
John has a new sim card so he is able to call here and talk to the kids for free. The kids use my phone to call he and Kevin and they are enjoying learning about each other. They want to get all together. They keep asking when we will get to Kiev. They are very hyped about coming to America, and they are excited about their new lives there. We are excited to give that to them by His grace. Daily there is a countdown. Daily there are questions about how to make it go faster. Daily I wish I could. Reality is, it will be at least this Weds or Friday before we have a prayer to get our papers turned in again. Reality is, that once that happens until we get a court date we have that time plus 15 days before we go home. It is a long deal. While I am thankful some of you are going to be here in March and get to see your kids, as much as it would be nice to see you, it would be nice not too also! J If by the 8th of March we have not had court, which does not look likely, then we will probably run into you at some point.
I love you guys. I miss you a lot. I am so thankful that you are on our journey with us. So thankful that you pray for us, so thankful that you call too, English adult conversation is nice. Not the kids are really into letting me have it, but hey, any attempt is great. LOL. Thank you also for your emails. I enjoy catching up when I can. I am leaving now for the hotel and will try to upload this post. Sorry for the length. I wish I could do it daily. Trust me! LOL.
Power House kids, please pray for us that we get John’s documents tomorrow Tuesday, and that we get our papers turned in on Weds. or Friday to the court in Kiev. Thank you for your love and diligence in prayers!
Love,
Jenn
Kapusta…
So… my daughter just came in to my room, lay down across the bed, let it rip, and then blamed it on Cabbage, crying she was laughing so hard and saying, “Mama Kapusta!” How nice.
Ok so today was a much better day in our world.
2-21… and that was as far as I got… yesterday we all got up and got dressed. Did a short lesson on – The door is open. The door is closed. Knock and wait when the door is closed. This lesson was inspired by our son almost getting an eyeful when I was trying to take 2 minutes to get dressed. Silly me thinking a closed door would mean anything! LOL. It hasn’t any time I have tried to go to the bathroom, why should the bedroom door be different?
We headed up to the place their refugee pictures were taken, again, silly me, thinking that they might be there earlier than the promised time at 2 pm since the photo lab is in house. The lady told me to come back at 2. This meant that my hopes of nabbing photos and bloging and skipping the pizza house and going home for lunch were dashed. There were two very happy campers that the pizza house was added to our agenda!
I bloged, the kids colored and played games on Anna’s cell phone (lovely conversation later on yesterday about the fact that her cell will not work in America and she would get to use the home phone) and then just as I was trying to look on Google earth to see if I could show the kids our house (which by the way we were SOOO CLOSE to being able to do) when the power shut down and my battery died. UGH. Better luck next time. My plans dashed again, we had to leave and do Pizza before the picture pick up! (Never fear, there were snacks along the way, I am not letting them starve, and breakfast was late anyway) We went into the Pizza House and Max and Anna ordered their usual. Max gets a “Millennium” which is the equivalent to a supreme pizza and Anna and I get “Margaritas” which I know you think is funny but is basically tomato and cheese. Geeze you guys… come on!
We have been working on our table manners (not that you can tell yet), especially for moments like yesterday when we are out in public. Having not eaten with a fork much before (the kids at Anna’s orphanage only use spoons they are afraid the kids will do something or get agitated and hurt someone with them) they are adapting to using all utensils. They know what they do but just are not as comfortable with them as they are with just a spoon. Also, being from an orphanage, when someone puts the meal on the table, you eat it. You eat it fast. If there is extra and you are not done with what is in your bowl, you have no reason to get more, and no recourse if said extras are gone before you are done. Max could hands down win any anything eating contest. Hot cheese was not the least bit daunting for him at the Pizza House. I can’t believe he still has the roof of his mouth.
Having had this conversation before, and for several days now, he knows it is coming. He was waiting. Mouth LOADED with pizza, cheese, ham, onion who knows what else is on that thing, hanging out of his mouth, he looks at me in the middle of “business lunch” hour (meaning all these folks are around watching the American with the two kids who are not exactly using their best manners and shaking their soda bottles when they are not being used to try to whack each other on the head or hand just for fun… and Mother you can stop laughing now, you will pee your pants) Max looks at me. I give him the “Dude, you know that we have talked about this before look, and tell him, “chew slowly please, take small bites” (I have the Russian phrases for Children book no I did not expect him to get that in English). My kid, ROFL, proceeds to look at me and just when I think he is going to spit out said two slices of pizza worth of cheese etc, he gets the biggest “ha ha, stinks to be you Mom, it ain’t happenin” look on his adorable face I have ever seen. He knows he has me and I burst into a huge grin. Anna is cracking up. He gobbles down the molten lava rears back in his chare and says, “sank you vedy much ahhhh!” Score for the short stack.
We leave the pizza house, God reminding me, it doesn’t matter one bit what anyone thinks about my tomato covered kids with their foreign speaking Mother, and head to get their refugee photos, and yes, they are that bad, and no, after my traumatic experience yesterday, I refuse to get them retaken, they will be a lovely conversation piece and memory of the whole ordeal for the next 10 years since that is how long passports are good for I think. Now it is after 2, the sun is lower in the sky, the wind is stronger and colder and we are walking down hill on ice (we will be walking back up that same iced hill). Max has one hand, Anna the other… and I think to myself in the frozen cold, God, this is so awesome… How long will we be in the states before they think they are too cool for me and don’t want to do this anymore? How many 12 and 13 year old kids want to hold their Mom’s hand and walk down the street? Their pictures are ready, I need to exchange money so I duck into a money changing space, and of course I think I am safe because it is suppose to just have stuff for babies. Hummm nope. Electronics on one side, baby and kid stuff on the other… Crud. They know I now have money and the begging begins. I felt like I was on skies as Max is trying to drag me on the ice back toward the store, “Mama Phone! Mama Phone… Please, Mom pezhalsta!” in the sing song whine that is universal. I finally stop saying anything at all which is apparently equally as annoying as my saying no, and nyet, and No sir, and any other language including sign that I can think of to say “ain’t gonna do it man” while trying to keep Anna at bay about a hair brush which she has one of her own and has stopped using it in favor of mine. In short, they were killin me. I opt for giggles alternated by silence and a few things in English that would have made any Mom proud not that any one but the pigeons were listening to me.
Eventually we made it home with our dignity, the photo’s, two packs of chewing gum, and some éclairs that were calling us from the street. Hey, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make at that time. Kind of like a substitute for Dr. Pepper and fries at Wendy’s drive thru right? J
Mom called. Papa Called. Patricia Knipher called… Life was good. We all got to sleep at a reasonable hour and we started today on a good note. Valerie Hall was our wake up call which was a lovely treat! Love to the whole Hall crew and those living with you too! Then we got started on cleaning the apartment.
While I was doing laundry Anna was using some window cleaner on the mirrors around here and Max was supposed to be listening to “Musica” and playing a game. Hum… I am ringing out clothes and I notice that is quiet. There is no “musica” playing… which is not a good sign… I walk into the living area and find our son, chewing on a wire like a rat, with all of the electronic equipment out of their spots and the TV which I do not want to talk about how much it weighs sitting on the glass top coffee table. OMG. “Mom Mom, it’s ok” He proceeds to explain through Russian charades that the sound was not good so he is going to fix it for me. This is a really sweet gesture except that a. the sound was not that bad in my girly opinion, and b. it ain’t our apartment or stuff to rewire. I am here to tell you that in the back of my head I kept hearing our translator say, “you have to learn to trust your kids.” Mind you she was saying this to me when she was watching the horror on my face as they were shaking up Coke bottles at the Pizza House one day and nearly spraying us and at least a dozen people down with them as they tempted fate to open them. Max is looking at my face and my choice was to be an encouragement. After all, I certainly wasn’t going to be able to rewire what he had undone. Better to let him finish his project right? A quick call to Lori in Kiev (we kind of decided to bypass explaining the conundrum to Papa and went right to Aunt Lori for help) to explain that this is not our place and everything has to go back to the way it was exactly… and I waited out Max’s electrical experiment.
An hour and a half later, and any nails either of us had left, he did. And, if he did say so himself, which he did, by calling himself, “Maximoo the Champion” ROFL… OMG!!! He did in fact not only fix it, but it did sound better. I will not think about the fact that I watched him chew through the wires, and was in a constant state of fear that he would electrocute himself. I will not discuss the fact that there are two wires “left over” which he shrugged off and stuffed at the back of the cabinet dusting his hands off to say, “I fixed it, so who needs it really?” He has a future in all things mechanical. And maniacal I think too!
He is no so great about wanting to do anything I ask that has to do with a bath, or something that is not his personal plan. Like if I tell him, no, you can’t use the camera, or cell phone to play a game because in fact we are going to eat now, or do a game together, or color… He is a charmer. He does know how to use it, and you folks have all been duly warned. If you think any of the other kids at church can turn it on… just you wait. He even does the bat your eyes thing. I just roll mine at him now. It is going to take a good bit of time with all of them to teach them that they can be themselves and they will be loved with out the added eyelashes and hugs. Not that I mind them! It is just hard when you say no and you get the tantrum that follows to think that he really does love you too, and it is not just for your “Mama computer. Mama phone. Mama eat. Mama ball. Mama Musica” I told him today I am just plain Mama… it didn’t translate. I think the rest of you feel me on this.
It does bring up a good point and that is, to support us when we get home, it will be really important not to undermine us with them by giving them things “when we are not looking” like candy and gum and trying to endear yourselves to them. Honestly what is happening is they are playing you, and you are communicating that you are weak and will give in, not that you are nice and you want to be their friend. Max is the poster child for giving what is called, “indiscriminant affection.” His goal is not to hurt your feelings, but to get what he wants when he wants it at any cost including your feelings if you do “make the mistake” of telling him “no” to something he has decided he “will” have he will pitch a hissy not because he is “bad” but because he has learned what works to wear people down and get his perceived needs met. Over time, he will learn that he is valued for who he is, and that he can have, with boundaries, what he needs and even some of the things he wants. For now, please help us with the kids, by making sure that we are cool with giving them the things they are asking you (begging you) for. They have to learn to trust us to meet their needs and sometimes that means telling them no because what they perceive is a need, is really a want that can wait or that they may not get at all. For example, Coke will be a firm “no” from us because we have learned that coke is a sure fire dose of speed for all of them. Sprite is doable, but water and juice and mildly sweetened tea are favorable.
How did I manage to get this much time to write? I have a confession… I started bed time early tonight, and I did something awful. I put in a DVD of Roswell. Anna is officially hooked on the teenage alien soap opera that we admittedly own all three seasons of, and watch once a year all the way through usually in the summer. We skipped this summer hopeful that we would get our adoption date and could bring a few discs with us. They made it through two episodes and then crashed. “Slavah Bog” “Praise God” And with that dear people I too am crashing so that I will be able to make it through whatever tomorrow holds ~ which is hopefully the final court decree saying Anastasia Elizabeth and Maxim Gregory are officially Smiths.
Lovin from this side of the pond…
Mama, Anna and “Maximoo” the champion electrician!
Give me a kiss to build a dream on…. Louie Armstrong…
Ok.. I have a confession, yes another one… I brought the sound track to Sleepless in Seattle with me. I love that movie. Have since college. I hope that today we get to blog later that things are going swimmingly and that we are going to be out of here soon. We should hear something in a couple of hours from Nina. She went out to talk to the judge today. She was suppose to talk to her at 9. I got a call from Yana and she said that once she gets whatever papers she needs then we will start to go and get the vital records stuff going. I am not exactly sure what is happening. I just know that God is good and that He can do anything. I am amazed.
My honey is sick. I feel so bad for him. I know he is having a hard time with the idea of being solo with all the mess going on with John’s papers. I hate that they keep hitting walls. Please pray with us about this. I will not go quietly on this. We really need to get something from the oblast that says that his Mom died. She died a homeless woman and so therefore there is no record of her death apparently. John is discouraged and Kevin in all his wisdom has not helped that at all. I know that it is hard for them that I am here. They feel separated and like they are second best… I want them to know that we are a family and we are all going to be ok and together. I am trying to adjust to the fact that every day that we are not paper ready in Kiev that is another 10 days for us all to be here. Mama is trying to be good, and confesses that it is hard to feel like I want to be here much longer. I keep thinking that it will be easier once we are all in the 10 day wait up there. At least we will be together you know? The longer this lasts with the paper problems in Kiev the more likely that it is that I will be here with the kids for a while solo. I am cool with that. I really am. I want Mark to get home and get back to our Kids stateside.
We miss you all so much. I want you each to know that it has been hard for Mr. Mark and I to be away from you. We have been having a hard time with the idea of being gone so long. We miss you. We think about you all the time and we are thankful for your being so good about us being gone. We know that it has been a blessing for you to have Mr. Terry and Ms. Chelle with you and that you have been really good for them. I am thinking of them as I am listening to “Back in the Saddle Again” and thinking that we can’t wait to get back in the saddle again too. We are very aware that your lives are moving forward. Each of you has so much to tell us from Monday to Wednesday to Sunday, it is hard for us to feel like we are missing out on what is happening with you. I am so thankful when I sign in on email and I get a short message from you that tells me what is going on. I am glad to hear from you and even if I can’t send an email back right away I am thankful that you know that I get them and I am praying for you. I miss doing Power House with you guys! I miss you asking Rolly Pohlee if they want their “Happy Dogs” and watching them Pohlee “scoot his butt” when we all know that it is not appropriate, especially during prayer time! LOL. I miss Rolly pawing each of you and then making you laugh when he sniffs you hello! You know what I mean! You guys are their kids too J I miss getting to laugh with each of you and cry with you too. Your hearts are so precious to us and we know that you have waited with us a long time for these 3 brothers and sister to come home and be a part of our Youth Family. I want you to know that your prayers have been answered. The kids are awesome. You will love them. You will fight with them. You will think they are funny and you will think they are weirdos all at the same time. Trust me, I think the same thing. J Some things these kids do, you know I would give you a whoopin for. By the way I taught Max how to say “whoopin” but it comes out “Voupin” Which of course, he has not gotten one, but I love to tell him he is going to get one, which he thinks is hysterical. He mocks me and says, “Voupin, Mama, Mama Voupin!” and acts like he is going to smack his own behind. The first time he does this you guys will laugh your socks off. He is a total clown. Kevin is a lot the same. He is a happy guy for the most part. He has a good smile. He wants to do the right things. He will be one that you guys can really help share in fun stuff with and do a lot of sports. He loves soccer. Anna is going to be a little shy at first, same with John. They want friends but they just need some time to warm up you know? Like they don’t want to be stalked at Walmart and asked to go to camp right Emma? LOL. I am so proud of you guys for all your hard work at the Sweet hearts banquet. I heard that you all worked hard and that Caleb spoke and did the devotional! WOW!!! Awesome Man! Tricia I heard about your Karate Banquet. J I hope you guys took pictures! Shelby is keeping me informed about the goings on! Guys it won’t be too long before we get this group all together and we can learn to be a family with all of you. Things are going to change, but not so much that we won’t be able to all learn and get along.
We love each of you. Please keep holding on this adventure seems like it is never ending. In a way your parents can explain to you that it is never ending. The good kind.
Feb. 23.
Whelp… we will not get our short stay here. Our official paper will not be given to us until 2/29. I confess, that was hard to hear when we thought that we would get the papers yesterday. Topping it off, it was dreary here, like more than normal. I finally just kind of lost it when Mom called. Just for a second because I can’t really get upset in front of the kids because that upsets them. Especially that I can’t explain what it is that is going on in my head. So you suck it up and keep rolling. You fix grilled cheese sandwiches and get happy because a. you were able to do it for your kids, and b. it is the first time they have had it and they dig it.
As it stands, for those of you who are trying to guess when we will get back with the kids, when you see that we get our court date, you can add about 15 days to that (hopefully less but you never know) and that is likely my touch down date. At this point, we have not even gotten our papers submitted in Kiev because of the issue about John’s Mom’s death certificate. It is really hard for me in some ways because to be honest, about a week ago I was ready to get home. The fact that the kids are really missing their Papa, and so am I, and they are stuck in this really funky in between space is hard for them and for us. They are ready to go. They talk about going to America. Yesterday Anna practiced signing her new name for a long time in English letters so that she can sign for her passport. Max as well. They can both write really well with their English letters. They can read them. Like ex: if I were to write out a sentence they can totally sound out each word, but then after they read it they have a blank look because they do not know what the words mean. They can make the right sounds but have no idea what those sounds strung together mean. It is like me reading Spanish. I can likely do it, but not really get it.
So the kids are talking to their sister and her boyfriend and they are going on about all the things they did yesterday which is cool. Sara Groves and I are trying to find out “How can I tell this story again?” Daily I am trying to do so. Daily I feel like I succeed and then fail all at once. It was Max’s turn last night to press up to the edge and go over. He is like a bull dog with a dirty sock when he decides he wants something. He thinks the more times he asks for it, and I mean like a 4 year old, pestering the fool out of you, that you will eventually crack and give it to him. Being as I might be a little hard headed myself (I know you are all shocked… who, you Jenn? No…not you I can hear you all saying) this makes for a very entertaining dialog of Mama please, Mama ______ (insert camera, video, computer, music, candy, etc here… ) and Mama saying, No Max not now later or tomorrow. After a full day of this yesterday it was finally time for him to take his bath. He decided to let me know how he felt about that by telling me no Mom. It would have been ok, except that he followed that with a really snotty move that sort of chapped my hide. It was um, not fit for description here on the blog. Let’s just say under normal circumstances it would have most surely called for a “voupin.” Being as how these circumstances, like most in my life, are not exactly normal, there was no Voupin but the battle of wills was surely on. It is that kind of stuff that when you know you have clear communication is hard, but when you are earning trust, and working to build relationship makes it really tough. If Papa is around then it is not as big of a struggle. The no is still there but the fight is not nearly the same. Time and love, love and time.
My time is short now so big lovin to all of you and just please know that no matter how hard it is, I am loving that I am a Mom. Nothing changes the feeling that I get when they give me a kiss, when they come ask me a question about when we are going to America and when we are going to be with Papa. They are daily becoming more ours, and daily I am thankful that God would allow me the honor of being a Mama.
Learning about relationship in Ukraine,
Jenn
Feb 24.
Max is hyper today. Not that Mark is not always hyper, but he is especially wired today because we are going to see his brother, sister and her boyfriend, for lunch. I on the other hand am not hyper. Something is going on in Kiev and I am not sure what. The kids told me that something happened and John isn’t allowed to go and visit with Mark today. He is working on getting to the bottom of that.
My sleep last night was pretty icky. I was not really a good rester. J I’m sure that had something to do with the fact that it was a Saturday night in UA and there was a LOT of activity outside of our apartment. I am sure I have failed to mention that it is located over the top of a casino, and a motorcycle bike shop. Needless to say we are never at a lack for um, interesting, characters around here. Ya’ll, I am so ready to be back in Kiev (can you believe I just wrote that…) I want this leg behind me. Yesterday Anna and Max asked at least a dozen times when we would get to America. I wish I could tell them. I made a calendar on the back of a placemat from the Pizza House and we mark the days off. They know their papers will be ready on the 29th, and we are hopeful to take the train to Kiev on March 3rd or 4th.
Ok so funny Max story. Last night, he was not a good rester either. Mark, informs me that he doesn’t understand why I can’t get them to go to bed at 9 like things were when he was here. I will reserve my comments on that comment for the privacy of my own marriage, however I bet you can guess what my take on that is… LOL. Anyway, Max was not into the whole go to bed thing. So eventually in sheer frustration, I hiss at him, “HUSH!” from my room to theirs. He says in Russian, “Mama what Hush?” ie, what does this hush mean? Now I had tried, “shhhh” and “Teha” for several minutes which is the equivalent of be quiet, and you know how I feel about “shut up” for I was getting there… so I tried the Hush… well, I explained Hush by saying, “Teha, Shhhhh, HUSH!” That translated… kindof… see from the other room, he understood that I was telling him that it was time to be quiet, which frankly I am sure he understood prior to my juviniel “HUSH MAX!” out of shere frustration at 11pm, but what he HEARD was “FUSH” not “HUSH” so here was the response that I got, “Mama Fush, Papa Fush, Anna Fush, Kevin Fush, John Fush, Max, NO FUSH!” What a booger… After this dissertation however, Max did “FUSH” and Mama could hear him snoring with his sister.
Ok John and the towel… so I am sure you have gotten Papa’s version of this story, but from the Mom’s side, here is what I am feeling… KK could tell you exactly what I am feeling… I will politely say I am ticked. Apparently, someone came by and did a room check on John. They inventoried, he did not have a towel. John, not having a towel, and cleaning and empty room, saw a towel. He took it. It was not a good choice, but he needed a towel. So, the person comes back to check on his room again, and of course, now he has a towel. So, he is busted because he took a towel and did not return it to the other room. His punishment today was that he did not get to go out with Mark, and supposedly this stupid “quarantine” is keeping the kids from going anywhere. Some of the other Americans have experienced this “quarantine” before. Kevin can’t go because of the quarantine either. I am to the point of tears to be honest with you. I am here, there is nothing I can do. My sons aren’t allowed to go with their father on a day out, they haven’t been out with us since we left to come to Zap. This is over a towel that he didn’t have, and needed… He was in trouble not having one, then he took one, and was in trouble for taking it… Do you know how stupid that is? Do you know how many towels are in their bathroom at home waiting for him??? Mama is not happy. And you know what they say… Dude I would be willing to put money on which teacher is responsible for this inventory. UGH. So, it has taken me 3 hours to type this two paragraphs. These two are freaks today because of this visit. I do understand. But Max having been up since 5:30 and dressed is overkill for me. He is falling asleep even as I type because he has been in over drive since last night. Ya’ll can pray for my night.
Love you guys,
J
Monday Feb. 25th.
We left at 1 to meet Aloshia and Luda. Did we need to leave at one? No. Did Max need to be dressed at 5:30 yesterday morning? No. But they were so excited. I tried to stall them for a while but they were so mad their brother and sister were “late” when it was 1:38 they could hardly stand themselves. They wanted to give them gifts. They wanted them to eat Pizza and enjoy it like they do. What follows is hard stuff so get your Kleenex ready.
Luda, and her boyfriend Slavic, who have been with each other for a year now, arrived to meet us first. They brought a box of candy and roses for me. I was really over come with their gift because I know that it is not cheap for them to do either of these things. Aloshia and his girlfriend Alonya arrived next. There was some small talk with the kids. Slavic and Luda gave them each a stuffed toy that sings a Russian song. (Side note for Puff: this is kin to the Truck that Adam got for Christmas one year that played La Cocas Rocha
which mysteriously disappeared when I went into the bathroom and mysteriously reappeared when I came out. Funny thing being, there were no batteries in it. hummm… These toys however are stuffed and therefore I am now learning two new songs…)
We went into the Pizza House. In Ukraine, there are not places to go “out to eat” for large groups. It is not like when we say we have a party of 12 or more and make reservations. So here we are 8 of us trying to get a place together. Finally a table opened up and we sat down. The prices on the menu gave them sticker shock. Let me explain to you that 8 of us ate. There were 5 individual pizzas, sodas, coffees, espressos, 4 salads, and two of these potato pie things for $54.00. That is not cheap by American Standards, but by Ukrainian standards when you make $100 a month it is extravagant. It would be like someone saying to me, Mark and Jenn we would like to take you to Ruth’s Chris in Jacksonville or something. I’ve never been there. I hear it is nice. Point being, in some ways this lunch date took on a whole new focus when we got in to sit down. I got schooled, and getting schooled in any language is not easy, in Russian, when it sounds like you are being cussed at when some one says hello, how are you, the weather is ok today, being schooled is really hard on the ears.
Aloshia is a hard guy. For 27, he has lived a full and difficult life. After we ate most of lunch, after there had been a lot of things said some of which were explained to me, some of which weren’t, he said that he wanted to tell me some things about his family. I was ready to listen. I asked if the children should go else where and take a walk with Luda, but he said there are no secrets and so he began.
Before Ukraine got it’s independence from Russia, there were communal farms here. The kids parents were farmers. Their dad was a tractor worker, and their mother a dairy maid. Life was ok, but when it got to be that they got their independence, there was a fall out economically. Life got harder. Their Mom got pregnant with Anna and so she could not work any more at the farm. Life got harder. Their Dad began to drink. He drank so much that he demanded that his wife drink with him. He did not want to drink alone. If she refused, he was “persuasive” until she gave into his demands. She learned to give in quickly and spare herself the persuasion. They drank heavily. They didn’t make enough money to really do more than keep a little on the table and then support their habit. One year after Anna was born there was a little brother born.
Aloshia left and joined the army. By the time he came back his Dad was dead. His mother was sick, and could not work. He took on the roll at 20 of being provider for the family. By 21 his Mother was dead, and he was now responsible for the two small children and his sister moved out. He tried to get help from his Uncles, they were both Alcoholics. One of which is also dead now. No one was able to really help him, no one could advise him. He just hurt trying to do every thing he could. Anna was the cook. And he said Max could do anything but he berated him a lot at the table causing him to cry as he talked about his character in a not so pleasant light. I was left wishing that he would stop, and knowing that eventually I would be helping to pick up the pieces of his heart because he looks up to his brother in so many ways.
The village elders came to Aloshia. They had a counsel. They explained to him that he would not be able to take care of the house and the kids. They told him if he wanted to keep things going, the best thing to do was to give the children to the orphanage. He talked to the kids, and he was responsible to take them and commit them to the orphanage. It was really hard for him. You could see his face was wounded as he talked. He is angry. He is bitter. While he loves his sister and brother and wants only the best for them, you can see he is also jealous of their new opportunities. He is desperate, like the rest of the people here, to make a new start, to break out of this deprivation and to have all the things they see that are in the West. They are all crying as Yana put it “from their souls” to have more and get out. According to them, the cost of an application for a visa to visit the US is $100. If you get an appointment, IF, then you go and you have this interview. IF you get granted a visa then it is another $800 in order to pay for it. It is not an easy thing to “Save up” in order to travel outside of Ukraine. Again, consider, the average cost wage for a month here is $100.00.
This was a really hard conversation for him. We all cried. We all grieved their loss. He is wanting to get married to Alonya this summer. They have a six month old baby girl together. They are trying to make sure that that will happen. He wants to do things right. I asked may I ask you a personal question, “He said yes, you can ask and no I do not drink” he knew before I asked what the question was. He knows that alcoholism is ugly and he has seen the devastation of it. He wants more. I am asking that as I have tried and get one more chance face to face before we leave for Kiev to do so, please let God open the door to share, and please let my translator do so for me. She is not one to let me talk about God to anyone. When we were at the orphanage, I was asked to speak on Valentines Day. I spoke the name of Jesus and she would not translate for me. She is a nice person. Very sweet. But she does not share what I say exactly when it comes to anything having to do with Christ. She shakes her head at me and says “you cannot.” You know that frustrates me. Finally yesterday as Aloshia was so angry as he was speaking, and I was asking what is he saying, she was trying to protect me from his bitterness, I told her, tell me what he is saying exactly and when I speak to him, you tell him what I am saying EXACTLY. My firmness at that point registered and she was willing for a short time to tell him that he has to keep trying and that he can’t give up. That God can help. I have more to say. I have more I want him to know. I need help. I need someone to tell him. I want to be that someone but if I am not, so be it, but pray that someone will and will do so with out being hindered. This boy is as much a victim of his circumstances as any other orphan, and God loves him just as much as one who is Fatherless and young.
I have been invited, with a huge chip on his shoulder, to come to the village and see the house they were all born in. To come and see what it is like for them there. Next Sunday, I will go with the children, back to their village, back to their house. I think in some ways he wants me to see because he wants me to know. In some ways it feels, and please try not to be offended by the way I put this, he wants to rub my nose in it. He was very clear that he wants me to understand what their life is and has been like, he was very clear that I will not be used to such circumstances. So he thinks. I told him finally (kind of sick at his very pointed frustration) that unless his house was built on stilts, and he has had to put his long hair on top of his head at night so that it doesn’t fall through the cracks for the pigs to chew on, I didn’t think his place was all that bad. We talked about my time in the Philippines. I he wanted to know what I did there, I told the translator I would tell him if she would say EXACTLY what I said. I explained that I lived with the people. I stayed in their homes. That if you do not live in someone’s home with them, you can’t understand their lives and their hearts, so I lived with the people, I taught English and about Jesus. He was not impressed but he was not as resolute to be angry either. He was listening. I am trying to earn the respect from him that I need to tell him about Christ. Pray that God will grant this. We go next Sunday at Noon.
In some ways, I have by sharing this, shared wounds that belong to our children, and that is really open. I want to be open because I think there is a lot to learn from this. I need to be open because it is important that I communicate clearly what prayer needs are called for in this situation. Now as a Mom, I am going to make it clear that no one besides Mark and I have the right to ask them anything about their past unless they bring it up first, and I highly doubt that they will. I will also make it implicitly clear that if some one does say anything to them with out our permission, or theirs, as their Mother, I will have something to say about it. Their hearts are so tender. They need time to heal and be protected and Mark and I intend to give them that time and tenderness.
John has a new sim card so he is able to call here and talk to the kids for free. The kids use my phone to call he and Kevin and they are enjoying learning about each other. They want to get all together. They keep asking when we will get to Kiev. They are very hyped about coming to America, and they are excited about their new lives there. We are excited to give that to them by His grace. Daily there is a countdown. Daily there are questions about how to make it go faster. Daily I wish I could. Reality is, it will be at least this Weds or Friday before we have a prayer to get our papers turned in again. Reality is, that once that happens until we get a court date we have that time plus 15 days before we go home. It is a long deal. While I am thankful some of you are going to be here in March and get to see your kids, as much as it would be nice to see you, it would be nice not too also! J If by the 8th of March we have not had court, which does not look likely, then we will probably run into you at some point.
I love you guys. I miss you a lot. I am so thankful that you are on our journey with us. So thankful that you pray for us, so thankful that you call too, English adult conversation is nice. Not the kids are really into letting me have it, but hey, any attempt is great. LOL. Thank you also for your emails. I enjoy catching up when I can. I am leaving now for the hotel and will try to upload this post. Sorry for the length. I wish I could do it daily. Trust me! LOL.
Power House kids, please pray for us that we get John’s documents tomorrow Tuesday, and that we get our papers turned in on Weds. or Friday to the court in Kiev. Thank you for your love and diligence in prayers!
Love,
Jenn
Friday, February 22, 2008
Dancing, Singing, and Tubas, Oh My!
2-22-08
LOL, ok, so one of my sons plays the tuba. Can you guess who? Well if Kevin was your choice, you were correct. I am really not sure what John likes to do or participate in. He did change his mind about skating on Sunday, and said he wanted to go. So, an ice skating we will go on Sunday. Hopefully I can still muster up some ability on some ice skates. It’s been a few years, but it looks like it is the plan.
Today was interesting. I still can’t get a good feel off the boys. I think they are glad I am there to see them, but I am not feeling the love like before we went to Zap. In a call to Jenn and Anna after my visit, John explained school has been really difficult on him the past 2 weeks. So, that might explain a little of his distance. At least the hug and kiss were given freely again today. So I watched their program. Then it was time to spend a little individual time with each, and a lot of individual time with Valera. Valera is one of the guards that stands near the front door to monitor the coming and goings of all who enter and exit. He is also a Mormon minister. Today I got to hear more about his past and current status in the church. He also asked me many questions about scripture and the trinity, about the principles that Baptist believe. We also discussed why he thinks the bible is good, but the book of Mormon is better. I am sure I will get other chances to discuss doctrine and theology with him, but pray for my witness and the ability to communicate in English so that he understands. He knows English pretty well, but some of the religious terminology we both were using, we couldn’t understand one another.
That is it for tonight for me. Lori and I went to Oleg and Oksana Magdych’s house tonight. It was an incredible boost for my system. They are some of the greatest people I know here in Ukraine, and I was so glad to hang out with them. I am going with Lori to the Radooga office Wed. and maybe Thursday, Magdych and I will get to hang out again.
Jenn is doing ok. I know she is tired. Today we found out that we will have to wait the 10 days before moving forward there in Zap. So, Feb. 29th, the papers will be official, and the final out processing will begin, and maybe by mid next week, March 3-7 sometime, she will be able to join me in Kiev. Pray for her endurance. I know she is getting no breaks with our sweet kids. She is tired. She called me today and said talk to your kids please so I can go to the bathroom for just 10 minutes alone.
G. is still trying to locate death certificate for John’s mother so he can complete our paperwork here to submit for court. Pray that tomorrow he will find help, and be given the correct documents. Goodnight dear friends from this side of the world. This is the latest I have been awake since I have been here. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Papa Mark
LOL, ok, so one of my sons plays the tuba. Can you guess who? Well if Kevin was your choice, you were correct. I am really not sure what John likes to do or participate in. He did change his mind about skating on Sunday, and said he wanted to go. So, an ice skating we will go on Sunday. Hopefully I can still muster up some ability on some ice skates. It’s been a few years, but it looks like it is the plan.
Today was interesting. I still can’t get a good feel off the boys. I think they are glad I am there to see them, but I am not feeling the love like before we went to Zap. In a call to Jenn and Anna after my visit, John explained school has been really difficult on him the past 2 weeks. So, that might explain a little of his distance. At least the hug and kiss were given freely again today. So I watched their program. Then it was time to spend a little individual time with each, and a lot of individual time with Valera. Valera is one of the guards that stands near the front door to monitor the coming and goings of all who enter and exit. He is also a Mormon minister. Today I got to hear more about his past and current status in the church. He also asked me many questions about scripture and the trinity, about the principles that Baptist believe. We also discussed why he thinks the bible is good, but the book of Mormon is better. I am sure I will get other chances to discuss doctrine and theology with him, but pray for my witness and the ability to communicate in English so that he understands. He knows English pretty well, but some of the religious terminology we both were using, we couldn’t understand one another.
That is it for tonight for me. Lori and I went to Oleg and Oksana Magdych’s house tonight. It was an incredible boost for my system. They are some of the greatest people I know here in Ukraine, and I was so glad to hang out with them. I am going with Lori to the Radooga office Wed. and maybe Thursday, Magdych and I will get to hang out again.
Jenn is doing ok. I know she is tired. Today we found out that we will have to wait the 10 days before moving forward there in Zap. So, Feb. 29th, the papers will be official, and the final out processing will begin, and maybe by mid next week, March 3-7 sometime, she will be able to join me in Kiev. Pray for her endurance. I know she is getting no breaks with our sweet kids. She is tired. She called me today and said talk to your kids please so I can go to the bathroom for just 10 minutes alone.
G. is still trying to locate death certificate for John’s mother so he can complete our paperwork here to submit for court. Pray that tomorrow he will find help, and be given the correct documents. Goodnight dear friends from this side of the world. This is the latest I have been awake since I have been here. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Papa Mark
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Ready, set, wait ...
Feb. 20, 2008
So, I blogged, and got ready to head out the door to see the boys, when G called and said that there will be no visiting today. Apparently, because a flu is spreading in the orphanage, visits are more limited this week. I have been invited to go and be a part of a program @ 1pm on Friday (which I am excited about) and also able to take the boys on an outing Sunday. I am grateful for any chance to be with the boys, and look forward to taking advantage of the time to be with them.
Jenn was successful in taking a little time to blog, which you can read below, and in picking up Maxim and Anna’s passport photos. I haven’t heard all the details yet, but it sounds like they were able to accomplish school, and the above mentioned with fairly good attitudes today. I know she has the hard part of this leg. It is tuff being both parents while trying to communicate with very little language. Not to mention the whole 24 hour a day living arrangements, that I am not experiencing at this point with my two boys here. I will be glad for all of us to be together in Kiev as soon as possible.
I did partake in a little indulgence this afternoon. I watched an episode of Smallville (Superman for those of you who are not avid superhero fans). It was good to just sit and relax for an hour and a half and take in some American TV. Not going to the orphanage, freed up some time I had nothing to schedule. Going to the orphanage is about a 5-6 hour event. Even though I only see the boys for 2 of those hours. Travel there and back by walking, metro and bus can take an hour and a half, to a little over 2 hours, depending on metro traffic. When we move into our apartment, as Jenn and the kids come up, it should be about the same, adding another bus and maybe walking a little less. I will let you know when I get a chance to see where Orphanage 12 actually is.
I also got to catch up with Jerry and Melissa today for a little while. You don’t know how much it encourages us to hear from you, through you comments on the blog, phone calls, and emails. I was telling Lori this morning, I actually had a dream about someone on the bus speaking to me in English. I was so surprised in the dream that the person spoke English. You know you might be experiencing some culture shock when you dream about talking in English – your native language – and it is an unusual experience. We left the U.S. 5 weeks ago today. I kept thinking it was 4, but then mapped it out on the calendar. Wow. The last time I spent this much time in another country was when I went to Africa in 1995. The half way point was always the hardest point. It came about 4-5 weeks around fourth of July for summer missionaries. This makes sense, when I put it in that light, why both Jenn and I are experiencing some homesickness. I know God is good, and will sustain us. He has been so faithful. I am missing serving Him in ministry. I know we have been able to be a part of ministry here and there, and that He has called us to ministering to our children for such a time as this, but I am starting to feel a little bit like the fisherman who can’t fish. Max Lucado writes a great short story about fisherman who don’t fish in his book, the Eye of the Storm. You should check it out to understand more, but the jist is that when you don’t do what you are made to do, you get grumpy, experience restlessness, and some get depressed. Let’s say I am at the restless phase (not that the short list I just gave thoroughly describes any sequence of life apart from calling and profession). Some of the other families have been able to connect with missionaries and be a part of church ministries here. I had hoped that might be our case too, but so far, it is not panning out that way. Please don’t mistake these statements as complaining, just a glimpse into my thoughts. I feel a little on hold, if that makes sense. Just trying to praise Him in the midst of where He has us, and rest as He allows (because everyone keeps saying there will be none once we get home, and I am believing that having spent about 2 weeks with Maxim and Anna … hehe). That is life here in Kiev for me right now. I am happy for the time to spend in the Word, and looking forward to taking some time to do more of that tomorrow.
So, that’s my news in Kiev. I hope you all are enjoying what we are writing. It is not all fun and excitement. But it is our story. It is our life as we know and experience it. Glad you are tuning in. Each of you are precious to Jenn and me for different reasons. We can’t wait for you to meet our kids! It really is a daily thought for me, to think about each of you and introducing you to our children. What special times ahead. Blessings until we talk, write to each other, or see you in America.
Papa Mark getting off this computer for today
Return to Kiev -- The Sequel
Feb. 20, 2008
My visit with the boys was ok. It was not the overwhelmingly warm welcome that I had hoped, envisioned, and even dreamed of, but I was glad to be there with John and Kevin. I figured, there would need to be some ground that had to be regained, being gone for over 2 weeks. But the constant I had come to rely on, John’s hug and incredible face of joy was not there. He was “normala.” It is a phrase much like “fine” we use in the states, not great, but not bad either. Of course I would want to hear, Papi, I am great now that you are here. But, it could have been worse; and answer of, my day just got worse because you are here, could have been the response, so praise the Lord it wasn’t. What I was reminded, was that God is my constant and not the expression of a child, which can change in a moment. As much as I want to be loved by the boys, He is already loving me with a perfect love, and I need to depend on that, in every circumstances. So, at least if I am not studying to teach my students, I am still studying to teach myself, and listen to the Holy Spirit.
Jenn had a very difficult day yesterday. I am sure she will blog about it, but I will continue to ask that you pray for her strength to parent alone for the next unknown number of days. It was one of those days that the “hits, keep on coming” and you are just fighting to hold your head up while treading water in the deep end of the pool.
Today I am heading back to the orphanage to see the boys. I told you about a paperwork complication with John. They cannot locate information on his mother and must have death certificate or some proof that her rights are terminated in order to file our paperwork for court. G has been all over to try and obtain information, make connections with the right offices, and has received a lot of “run-a-round” and had not a lot of success. Pray for him, that someone will be kind on him/us and have compassion to help out that will satisfy the powers that be. John is aware that it is his paperwork that is holding us up right now, and I am sure is struggling with this. I will try and reassure him today with Lori’s gift of words, that God is in control and that we are not leaving Ukraine without him. This boy is my heart. I love them all, but I can relate so much to his personality, compassion, seriousness. In many ways he is much like I remember myself as a teenager, but he has endured so much more at such a young age. I hope someday, he will crack, let loose, and share his burdens with us. Kevin was very much Kevin yesterday. I got a chance to watch him play basketball for 1 and a half hours, and then spent the last 30 minutes with both boys in the lobby of the orphanage, talking with the help of Valera. George is going to ask permission for me to be able to get a visit this Sat. or Sunday. The orphanage is under quarantine, so we are told. The guards seem unaware of this, and I have seen most of the kids I regularly see, and they all seem fine. No evidence of the flu we are told is “going around”. Hopefully, this will be lifted and I can be invited back for my daily visits. When Jenn comes back to Kiev, we will be moving into the flat at Orphanage 12 for our duration here. Still no word on a court date in Kiev. As soon as we have news, we will let you all know.
God bless you all and we continue to covet your prayers.
Papa Mark
My visit with the boys was ok. It was not the overwhelmingly warm welcome that I had hoped, envisioned, and even dreamed of, but I was glad to be there with John and Kevin. I figured, there would need to be some ground that had to be regained, being gone for over 2 weeks. But the constant I had come to rely on, John’s hug and incredible face of joy was not there. He was “normala.” It is a phrase much like “fine” we use in the states, not great, but not bad either. Of course I would want to hear, Papi, I am great now that you are here. But, it could have been worse; and answer of, my day just got worse because you are here, could have been the response, so praise the Lord it wasn’t. What I was reminded, was that God is my constant and not the expression of a child, which can change in a moment. As much as I want to be loved by the boys, He is already loving me with a perfect love, and I need to depend on that, in every circumstances. So, at least if I am not studying to teach my students, I am still studying to teach myself, and listen to the Holy Spirit.
Jenn had a very difficult day yesterday. I am sure she will blog about it, but I will continue to ask that you pray for her strength to parent alone for the next unknown number of days. It was one of those days that the “hits, keep on coming” and you are just fighting to hold your head up while treading water in the deep end of the pool.
Today I am heading back to the orphanage to see the boys. I told you about a paperwork complication with John. They cannot locate information on his mother and must have death certificate or some proof that her rights are terminated in order to file our paperwork for court. G has been all over to try and obtain information, make connections with the right offices, and has received a lot of “run-a-round” and had not a lot of success. Pray for him, that someone will be kind on him/us and have compassion to help out that will satisfy the powers that be. John is aware that it is his paperwork that is holding us up right now, and I am sure is struggling with this. I will try and reassure him today with Lori’s gift of words, that God is in control and that we are not leaving Ukraine without him. This boy is my heart. I love them all, but I can relate so much to his personality, compassion, seriousness. In many ways he is much like I remember myself as a teenager, but he has endured so much more at such a young age. I hope someday, he will crack, let loose, and share his burdens with us. Kevin was very much Kevin yesterday. I got a chance to watch him play basketball for 1 and a half hours, and then spent the last 30 minutes with both boys in the lobby of the orphanage, talking with the help of Valera. George is going to ask permission for me to be able to get a visit this Sat. or Sunday. The orphanage is under quarantine, so we are told. The guards seem unaware of this, and I have seen most of the kids I regularly see, and they all seem fine. No evidence of the flu we are told is “going around”. Hopefully, this will be lifted and I can be invited back for my daily visits. When Jenn comes back to Kiev, we will be moving into the flat at Orphanage 12 for our duration here. Still no word on a court date in Kiev. As soon as we have news, we will let you all know.
God bless you all and we continue to covet your prayers.
Papa Mark
Gotcha Day & more
Gotcha Day.
Ok. Wow. We all got up and got ready and then went to Nina’s office. She put the children in the car with her and we were in the car with G. We drove out to Nova and waited for all the officials. There was a woman whom we had never seen before, the secretary for the department of administration, the lady from the local administration who was a representative for the child welfare agency in Nova, the prosecutor, G., Mark and I and the kids. The Director from the school was there and that rounded out the group. I think we were all more concerned with Mark’s departure later on in some ways than we were about the process of court. Sounds funny I know but court kind of felt like a formality.
The Court asked Mark and I questions about our jobs. Did we think we could take care of the kids? How did we meet them? Did we pay the people that introduced us? No we did not we volunteered and that is how we got to know them. It was really not a lot of questions and they were all very fair. There was a time when the kids each had to answer if they wanted to go with us. When they stood up on court it was really hard on Anna. She cried and it was just a really emotional moment. You could tell she was fearful of all the adults in her space. It was too many people in the room for her. She gets freaked out by a lot of people she doesn’t know. Once she warms up she is fine. It just takes time. Max saw his sister cry and that was the end of him too, and you guessed it, I saw my kids crying and that was the end of me too. The whole court room was nearly in tears. The Director included who is a hulk of a Ukrainian man and so kind. He is a farmer, math teacher, sports coach and hard core father figure for all of these kids.
The judge dismissed us and then in a move that was a wee bit puzzling to us, said, “my final decision will come down on February 22nd.” No one said a word. We all just said a polite thank you and left. Not sure how this is going to play out, but for those who are familiar with the process you can do the math. And the math was falling in pleasant places for us, and a very unusual one. Again, no one is going to correct her on this end, we just have to see what happens. She may change her mind and issue a final decision on the 28th which would be “normal” we were all like, “ok, God you rock what just happened here is only explained by Your hand.” We will keep you up to date. Bottom line, if the final decision comes down on the 22nd I could BE in Kiev by the 26th instead of March 2nd or 3rd. You may feel very free to keep praying it is obviously working!!!!
We came home and Mark left for Kiev with G. It was a tearful exit after Papa was gone we all settled down and I fixed us a dinner. Anna and Max had a lovely altercation over a piece of candy and bath time and if they were or were not going to take one. Max thinks he is smooth and goes in and washes his hair and does not get undressed. I smell his armpit and send him back to try again. Life is what it is. Julia called. I was so thankful to talk to her and Emma and Sarah! It was wonderful to think of what it will be like when we are home and we are able to introduce the kids to so many amazing people.
With thankful hearts on Gotcha Day,
Jenn.
The Day After…
Hummmm today has been… wicked… in every sense of the word. It has been a spiritual battle from the word go. We were suppose to meet up with Aloshia and Luda who are Anna and Max’s older brother and sister 27, & 24 respectively. The kids got in a huge fight. I still do not know what over. It is not even relevant at this point. Ended up that with the hissy fit that ensued Anna was determined not only to make us late to meet them, but that she was going to keep herself from going too. She has been the one to beg for the meeting. She had been the one to set up the meeting. Then she went melt down on me. I sent Max with Yana in a taxi because it was important that their siblings not be kept waiting (Alosha has to come in from a small village over 20 min. drive away). Yana told her we could be picked up when ever she was ready. All we had to do was call. So, her sister called her. They had words. I was sure she was saying, “Hold on you poor thing, we will come and find you and rescue you.” Later, her brother called. Same tone in his voice. After he spoke to her she got up and I am pretty sure was not saying nice things in Russian. She combed her hair and I get a call that the taxi is coming back. Turns out they were giving her down the road for being rude and keeping me from being there and for not being very pleasant.
Our daughter growled, got in the taxi, and we went to McDonalds. Aloshia and Luda are two of the sweetest, kindest, oldest orphans I have met. What ever happened to their parents 5 years ago was painful to the point that a 27 year old man got up from the table and excused himself to cry when I asked can you tell me about yourselves and your family. End of my questions. End of the road for me at all. I showed them pictures, talked about our meeting the kids, asked if they had questions. They asked about their future, education, and contact. I answered as best I could. They want to come visit some day. I said I think that would be great. Anna was still growling at her older brother and he was getting really ticked so I suggested that they were left alone to be a family for a few minutes and I would go talk with Yana. We made our exit and left them to discuss whatever they wanted with out me as the outsider there. 45 minutes later Anna comes to find me to announce they are ready for me to come down Aloshia and Luda need to head home. I apologize for being late and ask if we can meet again on Friday for Pizza and this is a way for me to show them that my promise that this relationship is not final and we will stay in touch is heartfelt. They agree. I say that I think Friday will go better (God knows I hope so) and Aloshia says “Today did not go bad, thank you for meeting us.” He is a good man. He has lost his job recently. When you think that he became the one who was to take care of the family at age 22… with a 19 year old sister, 8 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother the kid has been through it, and you can see it right down to his hair prematurely graying. He gave me a good handshake and Luda gave me a hug. I hope that Friday is a blessing to them and not as much drama.
We left to go get passport pictures. My kids look like refugees in them, not happy like they are getting a golden ticket to America. Anna’s eyes are puffy and red. Max has the typical Ukrainian serious picture face on. Not the smiles that I had hoped for! I personally am worn out for the day. I know that things will get better. I know that it was a horrible stress for our daughter to think about wanting to see her family and thinking that it would be the last or maybe close to last time for a while that we would see them. And to be frank, right now, she has the word of a person who is still nothing more than a stranger that feeds her and gives her hugs as to the fact that we will come back. She is going to have to learn trust and I am going to have to earn it. Example, and you can think I am horrible I have had a hard time doing it, but I have heard her out in the hall crying. I know she wanted me to hear her. I know she wanted me to get up and come beg her to tell me what was wrong, my choice because I really felt like God was saying to me stay still. Was wait and let her come to me. Make her engage me by waiting. God was right. She has come in and I asked her why she is crying she says she misses her friends at school. God is good. We are getting there. Time will bring us all together. It is going to be a hard road. We are ready to walk it no matter what.
Hang in there with us.
Love
Jenn
A New Day – 2/20
So, S. called last night. She said that the judge will wait until 2/28 to give us the final directive. This means that as planned I will be here in Zap until after that date has passed. It will take about 3 or 4 days after the 28th to gather all the papers I need and then Anna and Max and I will go to Kiev to join Papa, John & Kevin. S will be getting us an apartment at Orphanage 12 off the green line for us to live at when we all hook back up. The good part of this is that we are close to Lori, and we know how to come and go from her Metro stop out to 21. The wild side of that of course is that we will be making that trek with two more folks in toe and who may not be super excited about it after they do it once or twice. Please pray for us in advance that they will have a good spirit about it, especially Miss. Anna who would be the one if I had to bet in advance might not be as inclined to want to make that hour long plus journey daily.
So as not to give the wrong impression let me say to you that I LOVE my daughter. She is funny. She is lovely. She is a helper. She is a snuggle bug in the morning and at night. She is a 13 year old girl who (oh by the way her birthday is NOT in March!!! It is in JUNE! We were wrong all this time about her b-day!) is trying very hard to adjust to life with some couple she wants to trust and love. She loves her friend Natasha who is also an orphan and who she came to me last night in tears and said she missed her. She used my Russian English dictionary to look up the word orphan to make sure that I was clear that Natasha has no one. I think after Aloshia gave her what for yesterday and explained what ever he did to her about the benefits of being adopted (for which I thank God and him) she got thinking about the others she is leaving behind.
Ya’ll there are so many kids here with no one. There are so many people here with no hope. Daily we walk to the “magazine” to get what ever groceries we need (bananas and apples and so forth) and daily as we come back to the apartment we pass people digging in the dumpsters for left over trash they can eat or collect (bottles). I have seen people eating out of them each day. Couple that with the COLD weather that we have had and you have a picture of the humanity in need that is outside our apartment window daily. I have seen people when it is snowing outside walk with out a shirt out of the kiosk with a liter bottle of beer. They are numb to life intentionally.
The kids parents died of alcoholism. They look at people with beer and “spirits” as they call them and they are pretty horrified. They whisper to each other and there is nothing in their tone that conveys, “ hey that is funny to see that dude stumble and fall” or “ha ha, there goes someone leaving the store with a bottle of vodka” they just tighten closer to each other and to me and we walk by as fast as their feet will carry them back and forth from the store.
God has been good to me in so many ways. I am learning more and more about His love as I work on the relationship with the kids. I know that we have so far to go. I know that building relationship takes time and love and love and time. Our youngest son thinks that it is ok when I ask him to please do something to say, “No Mom” and I do not mean that is a quiet polite “no Ma-am” I mean it is a loud whiney “Nooooohhhhah MommmM!” even if he doesn’t care about what I have asked, even if he has every intention of doing it, it is still “Nooooooohhhhhah MommmmmM!” After a while that is nails on a chalk board. He delights in this. I can’t wait till the day he understands what all parents have said for years to their own children which is, “Some day you will have a child of your own, and they will say these things to you too.” LOL. I think this is funny already. His other favorite thing to say to me is, “Chest Mom. Ahdean Minute” which loosely translated is, “Wait Mom. Just a minute” this is what he says to me with out fail each time I ask him to hand over the camera, anything electronic, or to take his bath or go to bed. Last night after Anna went to bed he came into my room to show me his foot which has a new wart on it. I explained to him as he called it the word (which escapes me now in Russian for) Wart that the English word is “wart.” Now… with a W. and an R in the word you have a hysterical “Vorrrrrrt” instead of a “wart!” He hears that and knows it and thinks that is so funny. “Vorrrrrt Mama! Vorrrrrt!” ROFL. I explain we have had enough of his Vorrrrrt for the night and it is time for bed. To which I get “chest Mom ahdean Minute” I tell him if I had a gryvna for each time he said that I would have millions of gryvna. After I say this with MUCH drama he finds it humorous and says it again nodding to the gryvna his Papa left sitting on the ledge in coins. Ha ha little Vort you are so funny! Soooo funny ha ha!
Ok, we are getting ready to head to the intourist to blog and then to go and get their refugee pictures. Ugh… I so hate those pictures! LOL.
Much love and many adventures to you one and all. Miss you!
Love,
Jenn, Anna and the Vort!
Ok. Wow. We all got up and got ready and then went to Nina’s office. She put the children in the car with her and we were in the car with G. We drove out to Nova and waited for all the officials. There was a woman whom we had never seen before, the secretary for the department of administration, the lady from the local administration who was a representative for the child welfare agency in Nova, the prosecutor, G., Mark and I and the kids. The Director from the school was there and that rounded out the group. I think we were all more concerned with Mark’s departure later on in some ways than we were about the process of court. Sounds funny I know but court kind of felt like a formality.
The Court asked Mark and I questions about our jobs. Did we think we could take care of the kids? How did we meet them? Did we pay the people that introduced us? No we did not we volunteered and that is how we got to know them. It was really not a lot of questions and they were all very fair. There was a time when the kids each had to answer if they wanted to go with us. When they stood up on court it was really hard on Anna. She cried and it was just a really emotional moment. You could tell she was fearful of all the adults in her space. It was too many people in the room for her. She gets freaked out by a lot of people she doesn’t know. Once she warms up she is fine. It just takes time. Max saw his sister cry and that was the end of him too, and you guessed it, I saw my kids crying and that was the end of me too. The whole court room was nearly in tears. The Director included who is a hulk of a Ukrainian man and so kind. He is a farmer, math teacher, sports coach and hard core father figure for all of these kids.
The judge dismissed us and then in a move that was a wee bit puzzling to us, said, “my final decision will come down on February 22nd.” No one said a word. We all just said a polite thank you and left. Not sure how this is going to play out, but for those who are familiar with the process you can do the math. And the math was falling in pleasant places for us, and a very unusual one. Again, no one is going to correct her on this end, we just have to see what happens. She may change her mind and issue a final decision on the 28th which would be “normal” we were all like, “ok, God you rock what just happened here is only explained by Your hand.” We will keep you up to date. Bottom line, if the final decision comes down on the 22nd I could BE in Kiev by the 26th instead of March 2nd or 3rd. You may feel very free to keep praying it is obviously working!!!!
We came home and Mark left for Kiev with G. It was a tearful exit after Papa was gone we all settled down and I fixed us a dinner. Anna and Max had a lovely altercation over a piece of candy and bath time and if they were or were not going to take one. Max thinks he is smooth and goes in and washes his hair and does not get undressed. I smell his armpit and send him back to try again. Life is what it is. Julia called. I was so thankful to talk to her and Emma and Sarah! It was wonderful to think of what it will be like when we are home and we are able to introduce the kids to so many amazing people.
With thankful hearts on Gotcha Day,
Jenn.
The Day After…
Hummmm today has been… wicked… in every sense of the word. It has been a spiritual battle from the word go. We were suppose to meet up with Aloshia and Luda who are Anna and Max’s older brother and sister 27, & 24 respectively. The kids got in a huge fight. I still do not know what over. It is not even relevant at this point. Ended up that with the hissy fit that ensued Anna was determined not only to make us late to meet them, but that she was going to keep herself from going too. She has been the one to beg for the meeting. She had been the one to set up the meeting. Then she went melt down on me. I sent Max with Yana in a taxi because it was important that their siblings not be kept waiting (Alosha has to come in from a small village over 20 min. drive away). Yana told her we could be picked up when ever she was ready. All we had to do was call. So, her sister called her. They had words. I was sure she was saying, “Hold on you poor thing, we will come and find you and rescue you.” Later, her brother called. Same tone in his voice. After he spoke to her she got up and I am pretty sure was not saying nice things in Russian. She combed her hair and I get a call that the taxi is coming back. Turns out they were giving her down the road for being rude and keeping me from being there and for not being very pleasant.
Our daughter growled, got in the taxi, and we went to McDonalds. Aloshia and Luda are two of the sweetest, kindest, oldest orphans I have met. What ever happened to their parents 5 years ago was painful to the point that a 27 year old man got up from the table and excused himself to cry when I asked can you tell me about yourselves and your family. End of my questions. End of the road for me at all. I showed them pictures, talked about our meeting the kids, asked if they had questions. They asked about their future, education, and contact. I answered as best I could. They want to come visit some day. I said I think that would be great. Anna was still growling at her older brother and he was getting really ticked so I suggested that they were left alone to be a family for a few minutes and I would go talk with Yana. We made our exit and left them to discuss whatever they wanted with out me as the outsider there. 45 minutes later Anna comes to find me to announce they are ready for me to come down Aloshia and Luda need to head home. I apologize for being late and ask if we can meet again on Friday for Pizza and this is a way for me to show them that my promise that this relationship is not final and we will stay in touch is heartfelt. They agree. I say that I think Friday will go better (God knows I hope so) and Aloshia says “Today did not go bad, thank you for meeting us.” He is a good man. He has lost his job recently. When you think that he became the one who was to take care of the family at age 22… with a 19 year old sister, 8 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother the kid has been through it, and you can see it right down to his hair prematurely graying. He gave me a good handshake and Luda gave me a hug. I hope that Friday is a blessing to them and not as much drama.
We left to go get passport pictures. My kids look like refugees in them, not happy like they are getting a golden ticket to America. Anna’s eyes are puffy and red. Max has the typical Ukrainian serious picture face on. Not the smiles that I had hoped for! I personally am worn out for the day. I know that things will get better. I know that it was a horrible stress for our daughter to think about wanting to see her family and thinking that it would be the last or maybe close to last time for a while that we would see them. And to be frank, right now, she has the word of a person who is still nothing more than a stranger that feeds her and gives her hugs as to the fact that we will come back. She is going to have to learn trust and I am going to have to earn it. Example, and you can think I am horrible I have had a hard time doing it, but I have heard her out in the hall crying. I know she wanted me to hear her. I know she wanted me to get up and come beg her to tell me what was wrong, my choice because I really felt like God was saying to me stay still. Was wait and let her come to me. Make her engage me by waiting. God was right. She has come in and I asked her why she is crying she says she misses her friends at school. God is good. We are getting there. Time will bring us all together. It is going to be a hard road. We are ready to walk it no matter what.
Hang in there with us.
Love
Jenn
A New Day – 2/20
So, S. called last night. She said that the judge will wait until 2/28 to give us the final directive. This means that as planned I will be here in Zap until after that date has passed. It will take about 3 or 4 days after the 28th to gather all the papers I need and then Anna and Max and I will go to Kiev to join Papa, John & Kevin. S will be getting us an apartment at Orphanage 12 off the green line for us to live at when we all hook back up. The good part of this is that we are close to Lori, and we know how to come and go from her Metro stop out to 21. The wild side of that of course is that we will be making that trek with two more folks in toe and who may not be super excited about it after they do it once or twice. Please pray for us in advance that they will have a good spirit about it, especially Miss. Anna who would be the one if I had to bet in advance might not be as inclined to want to make that hour long plus journey daily.
So as not to give the wrong impression let me say to you that I LOVE my daughter. She is funny. She is lovely. She is a helper. She is a snuggle bug in the morning and at night. She is a 13 year old girl who (oh by the way her birthday is NOT in March!!! It is in JUNE! We were wrong all this time about her b-day!) is trying very hard to adjust to life with some couple she wants to trust and love. She loves her friend Natasha who is also an orphan and who she came to me last night in tears and said she missed her. She used my Russian English dictionary to look up the word orphan to make sure that I was clear that Natasha has no one. I think after Aloshia gave her what for yesterday and explained what ever he did to her about the benefits of being adopted (for which I thank God and him) she got thinking about the others she is leaving behind.
Ya’ll there are so many kids here with no one. There are so many people here with no hope. Daily we walk to the “magazine” to get what ever groceries we need (bananas and apples and so forth) and daily as we come back to the apartment we pass people digging in the dumpsters for left over trash they can eat or collect (bottles). I have seen people eating out of them each day. Couple that with the COLD weather that we have had and you have a picture of the humanity in need that is outside our apartment window daily. I have seen people when it is snowing outside walk with out a shirt out of the kiosk with a liter bottle of beer. They are numb to life intentionally.
The kids parents died of alcoholism. They look at people with beer and “spirits” as they call them and they are pretty horrified. They whisper to each other and there is nothing in their tone that conveys, “ hey that is funny to see that dude stumble and fall” or “ha ha, there goes someone leaving the store with a bottle of vodka” they just tighten closer to each other and to me and we walk by as fast as their feet will carry them back and forth from the store.
God has been good to me in so many ways. I am learning more and more about His love as I work on the relationship with the kids. I know that we have so far to go. I know that building relationship takes time and love and love and time. Our youngest son thinks that it is ok when I ask him to please do something to say, “No Mom” and I do not mean that is a quiet polite “no Ma-am” I mean it is a loud whiney “Nooooohhhhah MommmM!” even if he doesn’t care about what I have asked, even if he has every intention of doing it, it is still “Nooooooohhhhhah MommmmmM!” After a while that is nails on a chalk board. He delights in this. I can’t wait till the day he understands what all parents have said for years to their own children which is, “Some day you will have a child of your own, and they will say these things to you too.” LOL. I think this is funny already. His other favorite thing to say to me is, “Chest Mom. Ahdean Minute” which loosely translated is, “Wait Mom. Just a minute” this is what he says to me with out fail each time I ask him to hand over the camera, anything electronic, or to take his bath or go to bed. Last night after Anna went to bed he came into my room to show me his foot which has a new wart on it. I explained to him as he called it the word (which escapes me now in Russian for) Wart that the English word is “wart.” Now… with a W. and an R in the word you have a hysterical “Vorrrrrrt” instead of a “wart!” He hears that and knows it and thinks that is so funny. “Vorrrrrt Mama! Vorrrrrt!” ROFL. I explain we have had enough of his Vorrrrrt for the night and it is time for bed. To which I get “chest Mom ahdean Minute” I tell him if I had a gryvna for each time he said that I would have millions of gryvna. After I say this with MUCH drama he finds it humorous and says it again nodding to the gryvna his Papa left sitting on the ledge in coins. Ha ha little Vort you are so funny! Soooo funny ha ha!
Ok, we are getting ready to head to the intourist to blog and then to go and get their refugee pictures. Ugh… I so hate those pictures! LOL.
Much love and many adventures to you one and all. Miss you!
Love,
Jenn, Anna and the Vort!