Even the Sparrows…

(Photo of Papa taken by John)
Ok so today started off rough. We got to the metro stop to meet G and he informed us that at this time we can’t adopt Z. He has only two siblings, one of whom is under guardianship someplace (we think adopted already) so that leaves the two boys, and the inspector does not want to separate them. We totally understand that. We totally agree with what we are hearing as a rational. It doesn’t however change the fact that we are devastated by the fact that we can’t bring home one of our sons. It took us the rest of the day to go get papers notarized and then drop them at the inspector’s office. Today was the first day that we have felt like we got kicked in the guts and our first day to feel like we wasted time in a big way. We ended up sitting in the notary’s office for a while waiting for her, she was a really nice lady and we enjoyed meeting her once we got in there. We left from there, went back to the inspector’s office by way of the market to get more candy and paper(whatever, and note, I’m not at liberty to really discuss my mood so just grab it with a grain of salt tonight) then stood waiting to drop off the paper and one copy of some thing they needed for their files.

Finally (note I am rushing through b/c I don’t want you to feel like you had to stand in line with us) we got to go out to Niveki to see the kids. We got to 21 went through the gates and waited with Valera in the hall till the boys were done with their studies. Kevin found us first. His smile was sunshine that started to melt the chill of this day out of our bones. We moved up into the hall, and shortly down the way came John. Huge grin on his face, and a big “hello” to us, it was just what we needed. G. had to leave to go back to the SDA and drop off a document so we flew solo with the kids. It was wonderful!

We hung out in the hall way and played with a deck of alphabet cards. Suzette, V. came by and hung out showing off his awesome skills at reading through all the cards in the deck A-Z… amazing! He left after a while and John really started trying with Kevin. Kevin was loving the game and we played with those cards an hour which surprised me and thrilled us both. We gave the boys each a jacket thing that I had picked up, and it was good they both liked them, and said thank you. They fit! Score Mom! Thank God! They each got a game to play with and a disposable camera (thank you Nanny) to take pics of things they want to remember with. We have several for each of he kids so they can really get good pictures of whatever they want to try to hold on to and make into books later. They got new toothbrushes, not something that was a thrill, but something that was necessary! Most of all we all got time together. John took Mark outside and they entertained themselves with the digital camera while Kevin and I finished our alphabet game. At the end, he looks up at me and he goes,

“hmmm… hmmmm… ummmm Mom!”(super loud on Mom) like he wants to make sure I am really focused on him… “Mom… I go” and he is pointing up… then he goes “America, I go” pointing up… I was lost about the pointing up part at first then he starts flapping his arms… “Oh!!! You want to know when we are going to America!?” “Yes!” about that time Mark and John were coming back in and Valera told them maybe March. So they were very happy and I was thrilled. Why? Kevin is getting very comfortable calling me Mom, and he really tried his English. It was wonderful.

Valera let both boys walk us not only out, but to the bus stop. When the four of us got outside the gate and realized we were alone we just all looked at each other. It was the best feeling. We gave the boys some money for John’s cell phone and when I gave money to Kevin (since the phone is John’s) John says, “for food for you” and it was so funny he was picking at his brother and it was really sweet. They asked questions about when we will come back, they are nervous because this is different and we are going to be back and forth between here and Zap. I know this is hard for them because it is not what they have seen. They are doing great though. I am really proud of them. Mark and I could not ask for two boys who were more willing to be flexible and try to understand the circumstances. They are so good ya’ll.

Kevin was asking about his brothers and sister in Zap. Please pray for them it was hard to explain that one of their brothers is not going to come home now. You could see the concern on John’s face, and Kevin was disappointed too. I also am fearful they are worried that something could happen to mess them up. Please just pray that we will all be able to get on the same page and in the same place soon. If we can get a quick court date in Zap that would help a lot.

We leave tomorrow night to go down. Mark and I are going with G. down, then Nina will meet us and Yana I will be our new translator for a while. G. will go back and forth to Kiev to get papers filed. Nina will either get me an apartment or there is another option which they may choose to house me at the orphanage where A is staying. They are still working out details and will make a choice after we get down there which will be better for them in getting me where they need me to be with the kids. M is at #3 in the city and A is at another place outside the city. Mark will stay with me through the weekend and then likely he will come back to Kiev so that he can keep up visits with John & Kevin.

I have to tell you, as bad as this day felt, there were God moments along the way to let us know He is with us. He will be with Z. and ultimately Z is now and forever will be God’s first and not ours. As we waited for the bus I watched a group of pigeons and sparrows try to pick apart a crust of bread. I heard my Dad paraphrasing my Father play over in my head as I watched them feeding, “Not a single sparrow falls that He doesn’t know about, and if He cares for them, how much more does He care for you? It is going to be ok Jenn.” Thanks Dad… I love you and needed that memory today. & as ever… Thank you to our Father who sustains and provides and walks with and before us on this journey.

With much love…

Jenn for The Smith Family.