Sunday, March 2, 2008
Like most Sunday visits with the kids, it was an early start for me and Lori. We made it to Orphanage 21 a few minutes late, and we were greeted by Kevin and Valera (our favorite guard). We talked a little with him before G showed up. Kevin let us know John did not have permission to go today. He was curious and asked, would we still go because John was in trouble? I reassured him that he did his chores, stayed out of trouble this week and had permission to go, and we would be going today. When G arrived, he excused himself to go and check on John. About 30 minutes later, John and G came down and explained the situation. Another incident, and a bad habit we anticipated John having were finally admitted to. So, this will be addressed at a later time, but for now, the issue I had was that he lied about this habit and “borrowed a coat” when he wasn’t supposed to. This was no longer a “my kid needs a towel incident.” This was legitimate, and I was totally on board with the decision of the caregiver to not allow him to go. I told him I loved him, we hugged, and then he went back upstairs to spend the day watching tv (not the punishment I would have assigned, but again I have no authority to do anything different, yet!). We readied ourselves to go to Caravan.
Two semi-short bus rides and we had arrived. We began by taking in some pizza. Kevin asked about video games, and I reminded him we came to skate, and we would have to wait to see what time we had at the end to do video games. He liked my idea of eating and skating, and chose to eat at the Sabarro’s pizza. Yes they have that chain in Ukraine, apparently. It is similar, but with fresh ingredients. So you order a pizza with tomato sauce and it has real chucks of tomatoes. Lunch was good, and soon it was off to the main event; ice skating in a foreign country(at least it was for me). I was impressed that after however many years it has been, I could still stand and even move on ice skates. Not bad for a Florida boy! Lori, Kevin and I got our skates (I was given a random size by a very irritated woman who was angry because I didn’t know my size – at least my Ukrainian size skates which was not the 42 I got) and locked up what we were not going to take on the ice. Then the skating, or rather the circular motion around a glass cased rink, and never venturing far from that glass because there was a safety rail within reach. Kevin, who I thought was going to be the dangerous and willing to try it all like his younger brother Maxim, actually played it safe the entire 45 minutes. I could not coax that kid away from the rail for nothing. I offered my arm, hand, jacket, but it was not a convincing immoveable object like the rail he could depend on. I tried to be the rock, but it was too soon for him. It did make him laugh when I told him to have faith in me. Anyone who sees me skating might have responded the same way Kevin did. I put a knee down once, but otherwise, I did not fall. But steady would not be the word I would have described myself with. I did get more comfortable the faster I was going because of the quality of the skates and the condition of the ice, it was easier to skate faster, than to go slow near the rail. You actually had to work harder the slower you were going. But I could not convince my son of this, so I let him do his thing. He did have fun, and when we finished, we decided to go get ice cream.
I was waiting for the video game request again, but G translates that Kevin says maybe we should wait for John and do the games next time. And that was it. Now, if that had been Maxim or Anna, it would have been like taking a sock away from a dog while he had it in his mouth. Kevin, having had fun and being appreciative of what we did, was ok and secure to let the gaming go for another time. I was impressed. We boarded our two buses, and Kevin played every audible music byte he could find on Lori’s phone on the way home to entertain us. G commented that her phone had a really good battery life. We all laughed at this and next time I will encourage Lori to maybe delay charging it for a day.
I had asked G, when we returned to the orphanage if we might speak with John’s caregiver. This was possible and we were invited in to speak with her in her apartment/room. She shared her perspective of John and his behavior over this incident, and insights into his overall behavior. She has known him for 4 years (his stay at this orphanage), and commented that he was a good and kind boy. She reinforced what the director had told us about us not having problems with him, and he was not an angry boy and would not hurt younger children. He has some issues with laziness, and he probably won’t be anything more than average at everything he does. He has to be continually encouraged to do his chores, and is not much into competition. She says unless he can do it and be the best, he probably won’t be involved all that much. I asked what he excelled in, and she couldn’t tell me anything. Maybe with the proper one on one encouragement, he will excel at something. But he is nothing special. Ok parents, how would you respond to someone saying this about your child. Well, today, I responded with grace. God washed over me with His presence, and I saw the possibilities. I heard the Holy Spirit saying that in an environment, where he wasn’t hearing all this garbage that he was not special, that he would thrive. Jesus says that each of us is special and loved, and He was sent that not one would perish, but have everlasting life. I can’t wait for John to hear that message, and see if it doesn’t start to infiltrate the noise he has heard all his life. I long for that day. So, that is the normal message these kids here, from their classmates, their caregivers, their directors, their teachers, their coaches. If you don’t display an above average scholastic ability, sports ability, music talent, maturity, artistic ability, you are deemed normal, average, and not special. The label kind of sticks in your throat a little when you hear it, doesn’t it? Now, compare it to what you have heard, or what you have told your kids. How did you know you were special? Who told you, you were important? Do you remember those who encouraged you to strive for something? Now, imagine if that person had not been there, or you had never received encouragement to try playing a little basketball or studying using that method that allowed you to ace the test. Those possibilities for someone deemed average doesn’t exist in this environment.
I left encouraged that Luda, John’s caregiver, had done the right thing by not letting him go. There needed to be consequences for his actions. She seemed to care for the kids and particularly for John. She wants him to make good choices, and I think she is glad for him to have this opportunity to thrive in a different environment. She all but said he would be a follower where he is, and depending on who he is following, might end up going in the wrong direction. I also left encouraged knowing I could see things they couldn’t. Jenn and I have seen John be a leader with Maxim already, via phone. I have seen him try and help communicate to him and Anna for Jenn, and I have seen him encourage Kevin to apologize to a teacher so that he could go on an outing. There is leadership in him, and it is naturally manifesting itself already. I know he is capable of leadership, but right now he doesn’t always know where to lead. In time, I am hopeful for so many things some have said will not be possible, because my God is all about the impossibilities to bring glory to Himself.
That is a little of my day. It was a success, even though it had its hard moments. Jenn also had a successful visit with Maxim and Anna’s siblings. This was their saying goodbye day, and she got to go to the home they were born in. She is excited about returning to Kiev after doing the final paperwork Monday and Tuesday. She will board the train in Zap. Tuesday evening and join me bright and early Wednesday morning.
We love you and continue to be blessed and thankful for your prayer support, calls, emails, and other forms of communication. Hopefully Wednesday we will be able to inform you of a court date.
Until He is known,
Papa Mark
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