Saturday is coming...

So today we got up and I had the privilege of Kevin & John's oh so happy to be up at 6:45 in the morning company. Kevin had gone to bed saying, "Mom, I will be up at 4 am. It is not a problem. I do not need to go to sleep. I can stay up all night and tomorrow will be easy for me." We still made it to our appointment time early. We were to meet G at the Train Station… As we stood waiting for our turn to get into line I watched our boys struggle with all the people smoking there. My heart hurts for the things they are going through. Withdraw chiefly among them.

 

I looked and could see a man lying on the ground. I commented to Lori the other day that I had seen so many people on the ground passed out drunk, that when we were out the other day and I noticed a man in the same state that it was like it didn't even register with me. It was like, "yeah I see that everyday," so I didn't "let it in" if you will… I told Lori it made me feel cold to think that at this point my humanity seems numb. Today it wasn't. Today when I saw the man at the train station, the laughing stock of those who passed him, some of whom, I am quite sure had their fill of what ailed this man, and were blessed not to be where he was this Monday morning, I was moved to tears. He was rolling around in his own urine. He was trying to stand up, and then gave in and fell down and just stayed there on the ground. He is someone's son. He is surely God's. Please join me and echo the prayer that he will wake up and see that his choices are not His Father's for him. Please join me and pray that more will see him, will pray for him, will speak to him until he too knows Christ. We launched into what we needed to do today, but my heart is still hurting for the man on the street.

 

We got to the Dr's office and I was blessed to have a short but much needed encounter with a couple from Houston. They are adopting a little girl from here. It was good to hear another Brother and Sister share a little of their journey. I am looking forward to back reading their blog. If you are addicted to adoption blogs too then you can check them out at: www.adopting2fromukraine.blogspot.com. From the sound of their hearts this has been a long road for them too. They are heading home tomorrow. Blessings to you good folks, and it was nice to meet you. June thank you for your encouragement about homeschooling.

 

The kids medical evals went fine. John's xray's are "normal" at this point. But it is under advisement to have him checked over in the states again for some things. During the evals the Dr. shared with both boys that there is no wisdom in continuing their current habit. I was thankful that someone else was telling them that. They surely are not listening to me, they think when they get home it will be "easy" to stop. I watched them comb the streets with their eyes and fight the urge to pick up "decent size" butts off the ground as we walked down the street later on. We are in for a party stateside. Please pray for them to have the determination to quit. We ask you to pray for His grace to help them.

 

Went to the Embassy. Max and Anna had to be there for a couple of hours with me last time I went filling out docs. These two had to be in there for an hour and you would have thought it was the end of the world. The couple there with a 20 month old had less of a tantrum to deal with. They were like cats in a cage. I think the girls behind the counter got sick of them b/c they got someone back from lunch and got John's prints done sooner than I had hoped. They seriously showed out. I was not to happy.  To make sure that I was clear on how ticked off they were that I was trapping them into being with me to finish their documents all day they started letting me know that "as soon as we get home we are going to smoke a lot." I ignored them. Wise choice. For them and for me. I mean ya'll not to be one, but I am standing in line to pay for embassy fees, and I-600's and they are dancing around me telling me they do not want to go to America they want to go back to #12 and smoke… what the heck? LOL.

 

This did not get better when they were told that we had to go and pick up their official docs before we finally headed home. When we got to the Immigration office it was John Kevin and I waiting for our "exit papers."  John proceeds to ask me to go to the street. G. thought this was a good idea before they ever came in. Sure, right, why don't I leave two teenagers on the street to hang out while I wait on these papers? The boys not to happy with my exercise of authority on that, then proceeded to, in their best show their tails way and voices, share that they certainly do not want to go to America. Nope. Right now, they just want to go home. Nope. When they turn 18… nope, they want come right back to Ukraine. The people around us were entertained. They were not amused at their less than "pleasant inside voices." One woman looked at me like, I feel sorry for you look what a stupid thing you have done. At that moment, while I know good and well that they were doing it (they mostly being John) to hurt me (and it was working) I was inclined to agree a little with her.  I sat there smiling at them. I showed them on paper that John was correct. That now he is Ukrainian and American. He is right at 18 he can choose his citizenship and where he wants to live. He was satisfied with this game, but it was freaking his only just soon to be 13 year old brother out. Later I explained to him he had plenty of time to think this over and not to worry right now what to do. He settled down.

 

Let me say this clearly… I love each one of our children. I love them and I am thankful for them, and I want them and have wanted them for a long time. Let me also make it clear that you'd best be sure you are called to adoption and to the child and or children that God places in your path and you are not just trying to do something "nice." That is not a good enough reason to go down this road. There are spaces when everything goes upside down and you are sick at your stomach and you feel like you are all wrong. You go through spaces where you question your own sanity and ability to hear God clearly… because surely no rational person would ask for the headstrong, some times down right abusive behavior, that can be dolled out by your children. I do not think from all I have witnessed of "biological families" that this is really all that different.  I just know that when you are 12 weeks into the game and you are catching all the pent up hurt, fear, aggression, ignorance of family life, and generally speaking guff and grief from your kids you better keep that in mind. YOU ARE CALLED TO THEM, AND THEY ARE YOUR KIDS… other wise you will tube.

 

Tomorrow at 2pm we have our exit interview. Now, according to John and Kevin, they are not going and will be sleeping. At least they gave me that line of grief as we were leaving the embassy and up until finally I looked at them fairly crossly and through G. was able to say, "tomorrow is the last thing we have to do and we do it all together… the end."  I prayed on the way home. Asked God, please, look, your will be done, but if it is ok with you and you can help work this out, please let us out of here before Sat. I texted the finest booking agents in Bham, but the deal is that right now, the flight on Thursday is overbooked and doesn't look good at all for a stand by attempt. I know God answered me, I know He said, sit still. Hang on. Saturday is coming. I am. I am… I am just past ready to get out of here. I am sure that the circumstances of this day made it more acute. I am sure the fact that I am way sick of being a single parent. Way sick of listening to my kids whine and then when I give them an answer scream back at me trying to break my resolve. I am sure that since it is 5 in the evening and the boys have eaten all day, and are dancing around me begging to eat again, even though I have made it clear that they will not be eating dinner until 6pm might be a contributing factor to my feeling "a little" worn down.

 

Ok. I am done with my yah yahing… That would be because Max came in and planted one on my cheek and said, I love you Mama Baby… Reality Check… I'll take it… Saturday is coming… Saturday is coming…

 

Love you guys… please keep praying…

 

Jenn…

PS… Hey ya'll Bham folks… not sure who is more excited me or my kids that you will be there… thank you for all your help. Love you.